T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 50171
posted 11-24-2010 08:23 AM
So, I got my gut to stop tossing, and I came out to my mom as Transgendered last night. I am 17, living at home, and she already knows I'm bi. Actually, she took this news very well in her own way ), and she agreed wholeheartedly that we need to look into therapy.
However, she thinks that I'm confused. She's 50, and well...she forgets things. She says that I once told her that I'm gay, when I said no such thing. I've never once believed myself to be gay. So, she thinks I went from Gay>Bi>Transgender, and so thinks I'm confused. I tried to tell her that I was sure, and she asked the time-tested, dreaded question: "How do you know?" And I don't know how to answer. I've always known? I can't go off ans describe every little moment where I've felt like a boy. So, has anyone else been asked this ( I'm sure there's got to be someone out there )? How did you answer?
Member # 20094
posted 11-24-2010 01:31 PM
I think everyone who is out (whether it be about their gender identity, sexual orientation, whatever) has been asked that question at least once. Sometimes it can help to turn the question around, and ask how THEY knew when they were cis or straight. Otherwise, just saying you know who you are and you shouldn't need to explain your identity any more than anyone else can be a good response.
Member # 50171
posted 11-24-2010 01:32 PM
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind if/when it comes up again
Member # 3
posted 11-25-2010 04:18 PM
I think "I've always known" is an incredibly powerful statement in just three words, and one that would tend to be the answer for most trans people, if not all.
I also think that answer really should suffice. If it doesn't, it should at least perhaps open the door to some decent discussion, especially since it sounds like your mother is reacting far better than so many parents do to children who are gendervariant.
Member # 50013
posted 11-27-2010 11:53 PM
"i've always known" is true for many trans people, but not all. i certainly didn't know i was trans until i was about 21 or 22! i just wanted to point out that this model doesn't work for all of us, and can actually be damaging to folks who are trying to figure their gender stuff out and thinking "but i can't possibly be trans, i haven't ALWAYS KNOWN."
Member # 48802
posted 11-28-2010 12:21 AM
Yeah, I certainly haven't always known either. I had knowledge that I felt like a boy, but not that I WAS a boy. I thought I was just some weird girl.
It was my later teens when I realized transition was possible that I started to question and come to terms with things.
Member # 3
posted 11-28-2010 09:42 AM
Ira: I hear you, but I think that when someone is speaking their own truth to someone in their life, and their own truth IS that they have always known, they get to say that and don't need to worry about what impact it may have for those whose truth it isn't, you know?