T O P I C R E V I E W
fiercelingua
Member # 11378
posted 01-09-2003 06:13 PM
If I knew just how confusing being a teenager would be, I probably would have stubbornly stayed in my mother's womb, despite the c-section (sp). After finally settling down and getting comfortable with the idea that yes, I like girls (or lesbian if you will but I'm not sure about that term, which will be explained), I uncover another issue in this maze of mine that's called my mind (this is what I get for contemplating the meaning of life!). What is this particular issue? Gender. Gender is twenty times more confusing then sexuality ever was, or at least it is to me. I am biologicaly female. I have no desire to become male, nor do I identify as male. But, I do not and never had really been able to call myself "female". Where does that leave me? Confused (silly society is way too obsessive about labels and fitting everything into a nice square box with straight sides). This middle ground, between male and female but not trans (?), this feeling of being genderless... is there a name for it? I know I must not be the only person who feels this way. Thank you Amy
Heather
Member # 3
posted 01-09-2003 06:28 PM
You know, Amy, I've just never found that gender was something that was very important to me. Not in choosing partners, and not in terms of my personal identity.I wouldn't say I feel gender-less, just that I don't feel very strongly about gender as part of my identity at all, and to the point that I do, I find I tend to need to invent new structures for myself.
Usually "genderqueer" is a term people use to define feelings like these, or simply standing outside the normal or expected (and often limited) boundaries of how most people think about gender -- often binarily.
In my experience, it need not be a problem or something to feel sad about, but rather simply an avenue to explore, visit and revisit in terms of learning about yourself and making/discovering your self-identity.
------------------Heather Corinna Editor and Founder, Scarleteen
My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground." -- Kay Bailey Hutchinson
melimelo
Member # 7361
posted 01-10-2003 08:34 PM
One of my friends believes the soul has no gender, it's only the body that makes someone a boy or a girl. (she also says : "however, I feel much more like a girl than a no-gender-spirit" )
leClowne
Member # 11376
posted 01-11-2003 02:49 PM
Amy, You struck a chord when you said that you felt somewhere in a "middle ground" between male and female. David Deida explains a "polarity" theory in his book "Way of the Superior Man" (he has also written other books on lovers and books about men for women, not just about how to be a better man). Generally, men and women have an 'essence' that is either masculine or feminine. With men, about 80% are masculine, 10% feminine, and 10% neutral, or balanced, and it is the same with women. You may be one of those neutral women, so you might seek a woman who is also neutral. Or, if her feminine/masculine qualities attract you, those traits are complimentary to yours.This is all a single man's theory, of course, and is simply an idea that might resonate with you. Hope this all helps. :3