T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 95068
posted 01-08-2013 07:15 AM
I'm in my last year of university, and over the past few months, a lot of people I know have made job plans around a SO or even gotten engaged. I have a job for next year, as does my SO, but we're going to be thousands of miles apart next year and haven't decided what we're going to do. I'm also trying to figure out a lot of other things in life, like what I'm doing this summer, getting a flat in my new city and finding people to live with. Many of my friends already know all these things. I'm trying to take everything a day at a time, but it's kind of overwhelming to see that so many other people have figured out the next chapter of their lives, and I don't even know if my SO and I are going to break up when we leave school. I don't really know how to get past this and accept that I should be happy I have a job and it will all work out sooner or later.
Member # 3
posted 01-08-2013 10:06 AM
Can you give me more of an idea of what you're looking for here from us on this one? Thanks!
Member # 95068
posted 01-08-2013 01:04 PM
I was wondering if anyone else had experienced something like this and had suggestions since I've seen similar kinds of stories on the board before. But if not, no problem!
Member # 98294
posted 01-08-2013 04:48 PM
im going through something similar- the future outside of college scares me half to death, as I have no idea what I want to be and i hate to think of when the OH is off to uni, as im scared ill be left behind
Member # 95068
posted 01-08-2013 06:32 PM
Hey Cherylcakes, sorry to hear that you're going through this too! Do you have any sort of plans for next year? Is there anything you can look forward to?
Jacob at Scarleteen
Member # 66249
posted 01-09-2013 09:06 AM
Cherylcakes, I'm with five and dime that actually having plans and knowing what you can look forward to can really help.
At the same time, there is also no pressure to have your life sorted at any point, it will always be a work in progress. There is so much societal pressure for people to know what they want, to know where they're going and to start early... so often, unlike you, even when people think they know those things the outcomes can be disappointing. There can be a strength in not-knowing or being sure yet. I've found uni really difficult, and my plans have been messed up a number of times because of different issues I've had... (after 6 years I'm finally about to finish a 3 year course!). On one hand I watched a lot of people graduate and do new things while I'm still here. On the other hand I've continued to experience things... my life hasn't stopped, I'm still moving into new parts of my life without having finished which no-one else can have experienced before me or anything like that. What I've realised more than anything is actually not 'what I want to be', but rather how I want to be in my life. I know I want to live a slower pace, with lots of breathing space, be part of an active community. I want to be round kids and young people, have time to cook, feel healthy, mobile, conscious of the difficulties in the world around me and empowered to contribute. A job is just one part of that bigger... and to me it could be so many different things. (All of this is itself changing over time, there are things I'll soon realise I want from life, that I didn't think of before, or things that become less important. Changing is just fine too.) Focusing on the general picture really helps me, because from what I imagine any job can be unsatisfying... but with the right people and environment most things can probably feel ok... so maybe actually thinking about things more generally, including the nice parts of your life you already have in place will help you make sense of where things are going for you? [ 01-09-2013, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Member # 101745
posted 01-10-2013 06:38 PM
A lot of what you mention sounds similar to feelings I had in my last year of university. The career plans I had originally made as a student fell through in that last year when my chosen industry started to downsize and hire fewer people. A lot of my friends and classmates seemed to have their futures planned out and I felt like I was flailing around with no idea what would happen. I definitely don't think it's a bad thing to not know all the answers right now, even if you feel like people around you already have them. And who knows - your friends who feel very certain about their future now might decide to change their plans in a few years. It can be overwhelming to sort of housing and relationship issues at the best of times, but I think when you're also going through a major change like leaving university, these things can feel a lot more high-stakes and intimidating. I've found that it's been helpful to identify things that are a constant in my life (a core support group of friends, hobbies and activities I am passionate about, skills I want to improve) and focus on those. Even if the larger plans in my life are changing or not quite finalized yet, I know there are more immediate things that I can depend on and take pleasure in now.
Member # 95068
posted 02-16-2013 12:11 PM
Wow, I just saw this. Thanks for the great responses, all! They make me feel better.