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Message: HTML is not enabled. UBB Code™ is enabled.	[QUOTE]Originally posted by LizC: [QB] Firstly; I just realized that posting something like that and then dropping off the face of the 'net for a week was not maybe my smartest move. I totally didn't even consider it, but I was about to leave for a...camp-like thing this past week, and I wanted to get it out before I lost what I was trying to say. But I just wanted to lead off by saying that I'm good. This week was incredible, and, honestly, miles better than any kind of group-experience I've had in the past. I actually walked away feeling confident and better about myself than I have in a long time. I made friends and connected with others and that really helped with the loneliness I was feeling. [QUOTE] So, where and how to find help? Do you have a regular doctor you see for physical check-ups, when you're sick, and so on? If so, do you think you'd feel comfortable talking to them about how you can find some mental health support? Forgive me if I know it's summer right now, but are you in school, either high school or college? That is also a place you can start in terms of looking for counseling. [/QUOTE]I'm in a bit of a bad situation; I have a doctor, but our healthcare program recently lapsed because, so I really can't go to her. I think I might be able to talk to her if money weren't an issue(I have a job now, so it may not be), but there's also the fact that I'd want my mom to not be in the room, and I don't think she'd leave without asking a million questions, questions I don't want to discuss with her, y'know? I'm in a high school, but we don't really have a counselor or nurse or anything like that. Ditto for the college I'm enrolled in. I don't know if I need professional help, but I'm in the unfortunate situation where if I were to seek mental health help, it would be extremely difficult to do so without my parents knowing, and again, they'd have questions I can't answer...which would likely result in not only no help, but also more restrictions/crackdowns. [QUOTE] Like yourself, I believe that these feelings are a coping mechanism due to having experienced abuse in the past. [/QUOTE]I have a question; forgive me if it's a bit weird or blunt or anything. Were you physically abused, or verbally/emotionally? If the latter, how did you come to the conclusion that it was, in fact abuse? I ask because I used to think maybe I had experienced something on the border of emotional abuse, but I never really categorized it as such because it wasn't done with malicious intent and I know my parents loved me and didn't mean to/want to neglect me, but they didn't know what else to do. I know my current issues are similar to those who have suffered abuse, so I have symptoms(just like my siblings; they have suffered through abusive (physical and more) relationships after leaving home, largely because we are vulnerable to the type like my dad, even though he's not actually abusive per say, but controlling and demanding at home and super nice/charming in public), but not quite the traditional definition of the originating issue. I've adopted quite a few methods of my own over the years; I listen to music(like Three Days Grace, which is an awesome band for when you're feeling depressed), I chew on things(I have this weird oral fixation-type thing where sucking/chewing/gnawing on things calms me down and helps me focus; I didn't stop sucking my fingers 'till I was ~12), I like to get creative and stuff. I used to use a rubber band, which I think I read about in a pamphlet on anger management/depression that I'd smuggled from somewhere, but I slowly stopped using it, so I just took it off. I don't really struggle with the active urge anymore on a regular basis, but it's always niggling in the back of my mind, more so when I hit rough spots, like you described. I don't plan on doing it; I hate how it makes me feel and I know it's not safe or good, but I also know that when you're in a bad place, all logic goes out the window and you can't think completely straight. Thankfully, the last time I was feeling low, towards the end of the spring semester, I had the presence of mind to message my friend(one of the two that I feel I can talk to) and tell her I needed help. I just always feel guilty about asking others to take the time to deal with my problems if they're not getting paid for it or don't explicitly offer the help. I have a history of taking advantage and manipulation, so I'm overly wary of it. I think, right now, my biggest trigger is loneliness. I like to be alone, if it's by my own choice and if I need time to sort through my thoughts, but when I start to get that alone-in-a-crowd feeling, which is connected to further isolation, which, y'know, is connected to the numbness bone. I'm trying to avoid that through activity, but I also forsee some problems in the fall that could be problematic, and I'm trying to figure out a way to avoid hitting that problem before I get there. [/QB][/QUOTE]

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