T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43478
posted 07-27-2009 01:45 PM
I'm sixteen years old, male, and I was hoping that this community could help me out, and maybe give me a bit of advice. I was born with an undescended testicle, and within the first few months of my life, it seemed to have dissolved without any effect. So, I've grown up with just one testicle, and I believe that this has been the root of several self-esteem and inferiority issues that I have. I am in no way near a sexual relationship, but I thought I'd bring up my concerns. If were to be in a romantic/sexual relationship (I'm assuming it's bound to happen sooner or later), what would be the best way to introduce this to my girlfriend, so that she is not completely taken by surprise? I'm not even sure if this is an uncommon condition. So, how would you approach your partner in this sort of hypothetical situation? Or, how would you react if you found this out about your partner? Thanks,
Member # 1679
posted 07-27-2009 04:08 PM
Honestly, I'd probably not think much about this. Remember that bodies are different and are rarely "perfect." (I say "perfect" because that's a very relative term.) We've all got parts and pieces that don't match up with the textbook...whether that's birth marks or scars we've picked up along the way or whatever...
So for me, if my partner had this I probably wouldn't react much at all. If my partner is happy and healthy, then it doesn't matter to me what his bits look like.
Member # 43478
posted 07-27-2009 08:49 PM
That's perfectly fair.
I definitely appreciate your answer, but I'm still not sure whether it would be wise to keep this information to myself, or to confront my [hypothetical] partner about it before hand. I'm sorry to be persistent, but this is a huge part of my life, and I just don't know how I would approach the topic, if at all. I'd like to ask another question as well, regarding the same subject; On occasion, friends of mine [both male and female] will make cracks about irregular numbers of testicles, and, as they have no knowledge of my condition (for lack of a better word), this is extremely uncomfortable, I'm wondering if it's wise to keep pretending that I am just as endowed as they are? I mean, sometimes, they would/might make a comment about one testicle being lower than the other. Is this situation an opportunity to reveal myself? Or would it just make so much more sense to avoid the intense awkwardness by just saying "oh, yeah, my left one hangs lower"? Intense awkwardness is quite the understatement, isn't it? Again, I apologize for pestering like this. Thank you so much.
Member # 27418
posted 07-27-2009 09:48 PM
You probably already know this from talking with your doctor, but in cases where one testicle doesn't descend, the remaining one picks up the slack; there's no difference in testosterone level between the average 1-testie guy and the average 2-testie guy. You're still fertile, etc. So as far as confronting your friends, maybe cutting through the humor with some straight information might be effective? I don't know what your friends are like so you'll have to use your best judgment, but hopefully a "Hey man, listen, it's not cool" type of tone will grab their attention. A lot of people won't think much of making jokes when the group it applies to isn't in the room, but will quickly feel embarrassed if they realize they've been heard by the target group. (Of course, some people are just jerks, too.) As far as a sexual partner goes... I had a male partner once who also only had one testicle, also from birth. I think we'd been having sex for two months or so before he finally just TOLD me that he only had one, because I hadn't noticed. Granted, I was pretty young(er) and inexperienced--I would probably notice now, although it wouldn't jump out at me. Anyway, I understood it mattered to him and I listened to him talk about it and offered my support, but outside of that it wasn't really an issue. Having had other male partners now, I can't say that him having one testicle made any difference in a sexual way. Not trying to be the girl who comes along in all my glory and says it's okay because I think so, but I thought maybe one person's relevant narrative would help. As far as telling a partner... If it's someone you trust to respect you, well- if you're already planning to get naked and silly together, you'll hopefully be open enough to discuss intimate details like protection, where you like to be touched, how you like to be touched, etc. As long as you feel safe, I'd say it's a positive thing to say, "Hey, there's some things about my body I feel insecure about; here's what you can expect..." Your partner is going to have insecurities about her body, too; you could do a good thing by opening up communication. Of course, it's completely up to you--your information to share. Just keep in mind that if you don't want to share, she may notice and ask anyway, so it's sort of a which-is-less-awkward-for-you type of deal.
Member # 43478
posted 07-28-2009 09:03 AM
This has all been helpful, and, for the most part, reassuring, and that's just what I was looking for. Thanks again.