T O P I C ††† R E V I E W
Member # 37835
posted 02-08-2009 09:01 AM
A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend about how I use a diva cup instead of tampons or pads. The response I got was "but don't you have to stick your fingers way up there and see all that blood?!?" Well, yeah, that's kind of part of the deal. I had never thought much of it.
I'm really comfortable sticking things up my vagina, and I didn't realize how many people feel uncomfortable with the idea of using something like a cup or even a diaphragm (my retort to this one: "Well, if I'm doing something that means I'm putting in a diaphragm, that means that something's going up there soon anyways!"). I don't quite know how I all got this comfortable, but I'm really curious about other women's experiences learning to be comfortable and/or simply not being comfortable with interacting with their bodies in this type of way. I think part of what I'm so comfortable with it is that I definitely never got any of the "If you use a tampon you'll 'break' your virginity" stuff growing up. But, as my friend pointed out, using a tampon, if it comes with an applicator, doesn't mean doing sticking your fingers up there in the same way. I consciously switched from tampons with applicators to ones without in high school to reduce the waste I was generating, so maybe I just made a smooth transition from sticking things up there in a more distant way, to popping things up there with a finger, to feeling comfortable really wedging my fingers up there to make sure a diaphragm is properly inserted. So, what have your experiences been in terms of learning to feel comfortable interacting with your vagina? How about your vulva in general? Is there an equivalent question I could ask men?
Member # 39654
posted 02-08-2009 09:39 AM
I'm 14 so yeah it may be diffrent?
But in my family its been a family thing that anything sexual is alright to talk about. So my family are VERY open about sex so i've always been talking about anything sex related [or with the human body ect.] since i can remember. So i'm VERY comftable with my body, i could put anything up there if i wanted. I've always been very comftable with myself in more ways then one [like my looks ect.] So i'm very much like you Megan xx
Member # 37929
posted 02-08-2009 10:33 AM
im the only one of my friends who is sexually active, and im completely comfortable talking about sex and anything sex related rly. they ask me what stuff feels like and i can tell them without being embarrassed.
Also i can talk to my boyfriend (year and a bit and still going strong ) about my body and even about his body without feeling uncomfortable. [ 02-08-2009, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: amychaos ]
Member # 3
posted 02-08-2009 11:04 AM
Just as a tidbit, when I am doing in-person birth control consults, one of the questions I first ask clients when we are trying to find a good method for them is if they are comfortable touching themselves or inserting things into their own vaginas.
And I'd say that when asked that question, around 30% - 40% of women say no, they are not, and I have also had some women so uncomfortable with that notion that they visibly squirm. So, while my experience isn't that a majority of women are uncomfortable with vaginally inserting things themselves, I do feel like it's safe to say (based on my experiences and those of others) that a great many women (of all ages) do experience discomfort with that for any number of reasons. When I've had women mention (I don't usually ask) why they feel that discomfort, some responses have included previous sexual abuse, a feeling that their genitals are just yucky, worry about pain or illness, feeling like genital touch is something only for their partners to be doing, or just a discomfort they have but don't know why they have it. I think the equivalent question to ask men might be about self-contact with their anuses. There's the element of homophobia in there that kind of adds something different, but I'd say there are similiarities when we're talking about this kind of discomfort. It's also pretty much the only genital orifice for men where we are not talking about an opening that will tend to cause pain with entry (as with the urethra), so I'm not sure what else we've got to find similarity with.
Member # 37835
posted 02-08-2009 01:00 PM
I think the most common responses I've come across is the dirty/yucky feeling, feeling like that's only a place partners should be touching, or just an unnamed discomfort. I just find it really interesting.
I talked to one of my friends since I started this post, and she pointed out that I've gotten a lot more comfortable with my body after a couple of things: a month long backpacking trip when I was a teen (I'm 21 now), and after getting raped in high school. The backpacking trip is a pretty obvious way to get in touch with/feel comfortable with one's body in a very different way, but I do think that it's true that I made a semi-conscious effort to "make peace" with my body after my rape. I guess it has to do with reclaiming my body as mine, if that makes any sense. I don't know, I just have found this to be an interesting topic lately, because so many women have very different responses to it. I do wonder how much of it comes from messages we get when we're little kids.
Member # 29292
posted 02-08-2009 02:06 PM
There have been a time after my abuses when I felt disgusted about my own body, when I didnít feel comfortable having myself interact with my own vulva or vagina. I didnít feel comfortable with partnered sex either. Another reason, beside feeling disgusted, why I wasnít feeling comfortable was because I was fearing pain so I would avoid touching and inserting things in my vagina as much as I could, I couldnít relax anyway.
I am now feeling okay and comfortable with inserting things myself in my vagina except that Iím not using tampons, diva cup, diaphragm or things like that that needs to be inserted in your vagina, just because I chose not to, not because I am avoiding them still. I do not feel yucky anymore with my vagina and vulva, Iíve made peace with them. Itís a bit of a different story when it comes to other people inserting things in my vagina though. I still have a problem when it comes to partnered sex, with intercourse mostly and sometimes manual sex, since I still anticipate pain which leaves me having troubles totally relaxing and not tensing up at times but this has gotten a bit better since. [ 02-08-2009, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]
Member # 29206
posted 02-12-2009 06:57 PM
I remember the first time I came across the concept that I could self-insert things into my vagina- stick fingers up there? wtf? I was 14, and far from sexually active in any partnered way, but that didn't mean I wasn't already trying to be comfortable with my own body, and since the article framed the topic as "only some women are comfortable with this," I decided that I was going to make myself one of those women. Just to be special. :-P ;-)