T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 3
posted 03-15-2007 03:39 PM
I'm working on a piece due next week for an anthology about menstruation, and the specific topic I'm tackling is young women's draws to/appeal of menstrual suppression -- in other words, using BCPs to cease menstruation, as a routine practice, or every now and then.
I have some quotes and such I'm working with from what is already here, but I'd like to hear more. Basically, here's what I'm looking for (and answers that aren't honest really are of no use to me, so no sense in being dishonest here): How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? No need to address all those questions in each post, those are just leaping-off points I'm interested in. I'd love to hear what you have to say.
Member # 25425
posted 03-15-2007 03:53 PM
As much as my period and I don't get along, I've always felt that suppressing it would mean messing with my body in some major way that just doesn't sit well with me. I would never use a method of bc, for example, that suppresses menstruation as a rule.
I have, however, skipped the placebo week of the pill once and I would consider doing it again if in a similar situation. I was in an LDR at the time and set to have my withdrawal bleed the very same week I was going to see my partner again after a very long wait. It wasn't so much the thought of havng sex while on my period that grossed me out as the thought of being in someone else's house the entire time. Changing pads in his bathroom, washing stained undies in his washing machine, leaking on his sheets ... just did not want to deal with that. I discussed this with him and he thought I was over-reacting. He'd lived together with partners before and was, naturally, quite used to a female on her period. But I would not be convinced and skipped my period regardless. I'm sure that, if I actually lived in the same house with a partner, I would eventually get over it. But with the situation being 'special' and wanting to make it as hassle-free as possible, a period just didn't seem to fit the picture. [ 03-15-2007, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: September ]
Member # 3
posted 03-15-2007 03:56 PM
quote: t wasn't so much the thought of havng sex while on my period that grossed me out as the thought of being in someone else's house the entire time. Changing pads in his bathroom, washing stained undies in his washing machine, leaking on his sheets ... just did not want to deal with that. Would you mind talking more about that for me, September?
Maybe in terms of say, how different that is per how you feel about tending to a period as compared to, say, urinating and having bowel movements in someone's house? or messing up sheets with male or female ejaculate? Know what I mean? Mostly, I'm surious about how you perceive differences between those things and a period.
Member # 25425
posted 03-15-2007 04:03 PM
I never actually analyzed why that bothered me more than anything else, but thinking about it now, I think it was mainly because that was unique to me. As in, bleeding was something that was inherent to me and that I had to deal with and he didn't (as opposed to bowel movements or fluids from sex), and I was making a mess with it for him. And put like this, it sounds kinda insane. A lot of it probably ties in with the fact that I am just not comfortable in my own skin while on my period, regardless of where I'm at.
Member # 3
posted 03-15-2007 04:08 PM
Nothing like this sounds insane in the culture we live in, gal. Though certainly the ironies can be telling: we have a whole porn industry that just cannot show us enough semen in its estimation. And we certainly don't see many men going nuts trying to hide their semen from female partners, even though it's a fluid they don't have. But I certainly don't see feeling negatively or ashamed about periods as insane when we are AWASH in cultural dictates that tell us to do exactly that.
So, new rule for this discussion, just in case we need it: no need (unless you want to, obviously) to criticize or self-criticize feelings about menstruation in this particular thread.
Member # 29292
posted 03-15-2007 04:45 PM
quote: How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? How do I feel about my period ? I think it is just a natural body process just like any other. I don't feel bad about having my period at all, I just see it as something natural or so. For me, it is a little bit like getting vaginal discharge except that periods can cause a bit more inconveniences that simple discharge can do. quote: Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone ? Generally, I don't feel good about having sex, be it oral or manual or intercourse, when I'm on my period. I tend to think that it makes things a bit messy even with precautions such as a towel under me and such things. And another big thing is that I fear it might not be appealing at all either for my partner. Big thing for me here. BUT my periods and my low sex-drive period usually match up. So, very often when I'm on my period I am also in the few days where my sex drive is at his low level. And with no big sex drive whatsoever, I simply won't have sex. Therefore, periods are not really a biggie when it comes to sex with my partner. quote: If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? It doesn't gross me out except when it comes to sex like I said. I also wouldn't say I hate having periods, although I gotta admit that I am not a huge fan of them. A few reasons for me not liking them are the cramps associated with them, the fear of pads leaking (tampons could be a solution here although I don't like using them and haven't tried menstrual cups) especially when playing sports or such things. quote: Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may not influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I'll think about it and will come to you if I can think of anything, ok ?
(I've tried to be as honest as possible. As a note, the questions skipped are questions that didn't apply to me. You've probably guessed it but just thought I should state it even though. ) [ 03-15-2007, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]
Member # 28346
posted 03-15-2007 04:47 PM
When I first got my period (and age 11) I didn't tell anyone, not even my mom, because I was totally freaked. But by the second month, I started feeling this sisterhood thing, I would be at the drugstore and look at woman and think: she gets that, too! And her! They're just like me! I took on a new appreciation for woman I knew, especially my big sister.
I use to suppress my period every few months. I think a small part of why was because it just felt gross, I felt bloated and icky-leaky. A bigger reason was because I was dancing (modern dance) 6 - 8 hours a day, and I barely liked to leave to pee, much less change a tampon. Plus I leaked a lot, my flow was super heavy. Jumping around in the studio didn't help that. So I was glad to have the pill as a suppressant, and I would often take one of the placebos, then get back on it so my period only lasted a day or so. When I got pregnant, strangely enough I was really looking forward to not having a period for those 9 months. I considered it one of the few "perks" of pregnancy. But I found myself missing it. When I had the tidal waves of blood post-delivery, I felt kinda relieved, like I knew my body was working, even though there was so much that I was in Depends for 5 weeks. I've only had two periods since then, and I'm finding myself missing it a whole lot, I want to feel like my body is doing what it's supposed to do/feeling like a woman. I did have one partner who was disgusted by it. This was before I ever took the pill, so I just avoided him for a week every month. (this is the same partner who ended up being abusive) He actually told me about how his brother said he'd had sex with a girl who was menstruating, and he, in a very disgusted tone, said: "when he pulled out his penis was covered in blood, ugh, nasty!" [ 03-15-2007, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]
Member # 3
posted 03-15-2007 04:49 PM
You two are awesome.
maybe we could also have some discussion about fears of leaking -- and thus, I presume, others then seeing that you have your period? Or is it just about messing up clothes? (Or even just undergarments, in which case maybe we can talk about how it is undergarments became something to keep clean when really, their purpose used to be something that provides a barrier between genitals and clothes, intended to get a little messy?) Might also, too, be worth talking about fear-of-mess in general.
Member # 28346
posted 03-15-2007 04:56 PM
For me, leaking was (and is) a big thing. In middle school I had to wear khaki's, and polo's or sweaters. I remember one day I went to color guard practice with my crotch completely bloodied out and my armpit area way sweaty, and I felt like the most disgusting and abnormal kid in the world.
Now that I've grown up a little, it's more about staining my clothes and sheets because I don't care what others think as much, plus I've gotten better about changing it quicker, so it doesn't became ridiculously noticable like it did when I was younger. Although walking around at the store in summer, wearing a flow-y white skirt and having blood running down your legs as you hightail it to the bathroom can cause some stares and blushing faces. I just hate having all my pretty underwear become stained, and after a few months it would just look brownish, like I had a loose bowel or something. Plus my old mattress had big red and brown spots all over it, not something you'd want a new guy coming over to see. (One sidenote, if I ever get my period back I am totally ordering a divacup!)
Member # 29292
posted 03-15-2007 05:09 PM
For me, it's a bit about all those things you talked about Heather : fear of leaking, soaking clothes with blood and then others seeing it.
It never especially happened to me in the past although it happened to some friends of mine (who were really embarassed by it), but I got to say that if that ever happens to me, I would probably be embarassed big time. That's the way I am. Even though, there is no good reason to be ashamed of that, I know it's a thing every women have to go through, I would be embarassed even though. Maybe that would come from them seeing another more personnal part of me. Maybe that could comes from body image issues too. Can't quite figure it out at that moment. Same thing when I'm visiting let's say family members, I feel a bit embarassed if I happen to soake their bed sheets or so. For me it is an issue, a bit less likely since my period has become less heavy nowadays, but still is even though and I think pretty much ever will. [ 03-15-2007, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]
Member # 30315
posted 03-15-2007 06:39 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
I feel like my period is an inconvenience at times, but it's one I don't mind dealing with. Like September said, it reminds me that my body is working properly. Also, I didn't used to be able to use tampons - not sure why, but after having given up on them a while back, I tried again during my last period and they worked much better - but now that I can, it's much less messy for me. One of the big issues I always had with it was wearing pads and 1) feeling like a child (you always see those ads on TV: use tampons, feel like a woman, instead of feeling like you're wearing diapers!), and 2) my genital area getting all bloody from being up against the pads/blood all the time. So after transitioning to tampons, that was mostly eliminated. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? I feel like it's prohibitive for sexual activity. Whenever I've had a boyfriend and I'm on my period, I feel obligated to stop him if things start "heating up." I'm not sure why: I think mostly because I think he'll be grossed out, but also definitely in part because there'll be cleanup required, and I've never really been able to be sexual somewhere with convenient cleanup. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? Kind of answered this above. I'm not a big fan of blood in general, and having it coming out of my vagina for five days at a time isn't fun for me, though I do appreciate that it's a sign of proper functioning of my body. Also, I've always felt ashamed of leaking, especially when I was younger, because in my family, sexuality was kind of treated like, "Okay, we have to tell you about it, but don't talk about it unless you really have to." And I remember in 7th grade-ish, all the girls would whisper to each other: "Am I leaking??" with this worried look. The fear of having blood come through and stain your pants, and having to go through an entire day with a spot of red, was just more stigma than a girl could bear. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? My last boyfriend once asked me why I never wanted to do anything during my period. I just said that cleanup would be a hassle, and he left it at that, though he did express that he wouldn't mind being active while I was on my period. Other boyfriends have just accepted that I'm not comfortable engaging in sexual activity on my period. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? I don't, but I've considered it, just for convenience really. Like, there was a big dance a couple weeks ago, and it fell right in the middle of when my withdrawal bleed was going to come, so I considered just skipping the placebos that week, but I didn't really want to screw with my body that much, so I just let it come and dealt with it. Just my thoughts for now
Member # 25983
posted 03-15-2007 06:59 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? It's one of those things that just happens, really. I plan my schedule around it accordingly. During my period, I can go on with life as usual with a menstrual cup and ibuprofen; without I feel like a bloated balloon whose various cracks are being rusted shut. <-- That points out my sense of humor on the subject; those things don't make me feel genuinely bad. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? Yes. My partner is unreasonably squeamish about menstrual fluid, and will only go near my vulva if I haven't told him I have a my cup in. Any sexual stimulation is done by myself during that time. I guess it makes me feel a lot more self-concious versus my matter-of-fact care at home. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I've never really felt grossed out. But I do very much hate the associated cramps, bloating, and indigestion/malaborption I get. The only times I pick up on it being "dirty" are during the situations mentioned above. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? See my second answer. If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? Never have. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? I don't know whether I would or not.. while I want the pain and discomfort to stop, I really used to "miss" my period when I was irregular. It just feels like something's missing -- it's an affirmation that everything is functioning correctly. I will, however, consider stopping menstruation if my attempts to get medical treatment continue to fail. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I definately feel more feminine during my period.. maybe that's why I miss it when it's gone. It's just so cool to think of it a sign of fertility and vitality versus a curse.
Member # 22471
posted 03-15-2007 07:27 PM
Just because we've had a couple squemish-partner responses, I figure I'll give one on the flipside:
I think my ex could have honestly cared less about my menstruation, and if he did have any problems? They were never important enough for him to voice in any way shape or form. We had a very active sexual relationship, and my period (well, technically speaking, withdrawl bleed, as I've used hormonal birth control for a few years) never stopped that (the first time it came up basically went like this: "Oh, I'm on my period..." "I don't care, do you?" "Nope!"). Heck, on one of those I-thought-my-period-was-basically-over-but-oops!-it's-not! occasions, I stained all the way down to his matress pad (that's why you invest in one of those, kids!) and he just chuckled at me for being so apologetic and changed the sheets, no problems. I'm betting, too, by knowing I was on my withdrawl bleed, it gave him a good reassurance that, yes, my birth control pills worked that month, which when you're not trying to become pregnant isn't really a libido killer by any means! Being on the birth control prescription I'm still currently taking, my periods tend to be incredibly light and mild (like, I can get away with a panty liner most times - light), but to be honest? I wouldn't mind a heavier flow - I'd love to be able to play around with a menstrual cup! Ah, perhaps one of these days. I was one of those happy kids to get my period, finally, too, just because it was a sign to me that I was growing up and had something to feel, "Hey! Look at me! I'm a growing WOMAN!" about. My parents never had bad attitudes toward menstruation, either, my mom was totally helpful, too, especially when it came to the first time I needed to use tampons.
Member # 32008
posted 03-15-2007 07:30 PM
If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? The reasons I dislike my period is that I'm not conformtable with mensturation yet, I care too much of what people think, stains on my pants, and most of all people seeing my pad. I just feel like, when I am wearing a pad, it's super noticable. Part of me is like, "yay vagina, periods!" and can say it out loud. And the other part of me is like, "no,my period is for me to know, and for NO ONE to find out." I don't live in an uncomfortable house to talk about periods/mensturation, but I'm very an uncomfortable person, so when my mom mentions how she's on her period, I want to be like, "stop! gross!" And I've been uncomfortable my whole life, and want to change it.
Member # 1207
posted 03-15-2007 10:08 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? I don't mind it. I hated it when i was younger b/c i was sick all the time ... Severe cramps, heavy bleeding, nausea and vomiting ... I've had a few good years on the pill, but i'm running into issues again (breasts that just ACHE for 2-3 weeks of the month, cramps all month, spotting ...). When i'm having regular periods and minimal other issues, i like my body. I like that it's functioning how i think it should. When i'm having these issues, i feel pretty dysfunctional. I worry that there is something seriously wrong w/ me and i'm sick of having to jump throug hoops to get medical care. I'm frustrated, and wish i didn't have these organs at all sometimes. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? I think i feel BETTER about it when i'm sexually active, b/c it lets me know that i'm not pregnant. Reassurance is a wonderful thing for me. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I'm hating it right now. I'm hating being in pain and scared there's something wrong. I think this is temporary, though, b/c i think i have a pretty good attitude towards bodily functions in general ... both due to my upbringing and my career. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? My husband is pretty grossed out by it. He's a little different around me when i'm on my period b/c i usually feel kind of rotten for the first few days (which are now stretching to weeks at a time ... ) ... Just nicer, i guess, as you would be to anyone who isn't feeling well. (I THINK ... He may think i'm highly emotional and may go 'off the deep end', i don't know ...) If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? I don't suppress my period, but i wish i could. I'm on a tricyclic pill now, so i won't be trying it. I have in the past, maybe once or twice a year, b/c i just didn't want to 'deal' with my period at the time. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? Right now, i just want to get rid of the symptoms i'm having. It has nothing to do w/ the blood or having to wear pads/tampons or any of that ... It's all about the cramping and sore boobs for weeks at a time. That just needs to stop. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? Because my feelings about my period right now are so negative, it absolutely affects how i feel about my body and sex/gender. I feel inferior. Other women do this, why am i having such a hard time w/ it? I feel like a whiner. I even joke about wanting to be a man sometimes, b/c they don't have periods ... It's more or less of a joke depending on where i am in my cycle and how i'm feeling.
Member # 28427
posted 03-15-2007 11:32 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? Personally, I hate it when I get my period. Maybe because I'm younger (16) I'll learn to love it as I grow older, but right now. It's just yuck. I hate waking up and just getting that feeling like, 'yup, here it comes'. I hate the cramps and the fear of leaking. I take a dance class everyday, at it's terrible doing all the bending and stretching when you feel like dieing, plus, your minds worried about if others can tell or not. I mean, I'd like to able to speak more freely about it, but because my family isn't really open about any topics like this or sex or anything, it's awkward for me to talk about it to anyone. I just want to hide the fact that I've got my period when I do have it. I hate going to the bathroom and changing my pad, especially at school, and even at home because, well, for reason stated that were not that open about it. My friends talk about it likes its nothing, and I sort of envy that ability to do that. But they're getting me to speak more freely of these things, and I appreciate that If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? It grosses me out because I just hate going to the bathroom to change pads and seeing these gobs and puddles of blood. I think it's horrible. As for reason why I hate it, even though I pretty much said it in the above question/answer, I'll say it again. We just don't speak freely of these sorts of things in my house. It's always done secretly. I remember when I first got my period I told my mom, and she came to speak to me about it after my father and brother had gone to sleep, and even when she did so it was just 'Are you feeling alright?' 'Okay, good.' And that was about it. She hasn't talk anymore about that to me, and I spose thats why I feel the need to hide it. I guess she gave me the impression that no-one should know about it, so it's taught me that's it's a bad thing, even though I know it's not. It's hard to get over that barrier. She never acknowledged it was a good thing, something to be proud of, so I've never thought of it that way. I remember watching one the 'Bill Cosby Shows' where one of his daughters gets her period, and her mother brings her out and they have a special day. I guess I envy that too, that my mother was never able to speak to me that way. I think she tries to avoid the subject and tip-toe around it. I think she's hoping the media will teach me all about my period and sex (I'll give you a 'thanks' from her, since this site is probably what she had in mind of what will teach me all i need to know, and it has) I know start to tip-toe around the subject too, and I don't like it. As I said before I wish I could speak freely of these sorts of things, but I guess I'm getting pretty good at hiding it since my best friend asks me if I ever get my periods, because it never seems like I do. She's teaching me to speak more freely about it and sex, and I feel comfortable talking about these subjects with her, whereas I would never feel comfortable with my mom. Although she [mom] says I can always come to her, she just hasn't made it feel all that warming and welcoming of a subject. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? It's not that I have ever purposly supressed my period, but I am very skinny (as I've said on other boards) and sometimes I skipped my period entirly. And I enjoy it. I love that feeling of knowing that I won't have to see the blood, feel the cramps or worry about it showing. I can be free! It has even made me think that I should become skinner to continue skipping my period and have no need for experiencing the horridty of it all. But then, when I don't get it for a month, and the next month it is late, I start to worry if there is something wrong with me. And getting it gives me the security of knowing that I'm alright and healthy. So, I would never purposly surpress it because it would just worry me but I do love it when I get a month of freedom. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may not influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I just feel 'icky' when I do get it. I don't feel like dancing, which I love to do, or even moving for that matter. I feel like curling up in a position in which there are no cramps, and then fastforwarding my life for a week. But I love being a female, and would never become a guy to skip out on that, there are many more positive to being a girl than negatives I think. As for telling a partner? I'm currently single, always have been (which is fine for me, no need for one yet) but for future, I don't think I would be comfortable discussing this topic with a future bf. I mean I would love for him to be free about it, but this goes back to when I first got my period and my mom pretty much 'hide' it from my dad and brother. It makes me feel as though the male gender is not suppose to know about any of this, but I would like it to be a free topic that I could talk to a partner about without either of us being grossed out. As it stands, I don't feel comfortable even at my own home changing pads, so I can't imagine staying over at a friends house, or at a partners house while having my period. I think, as someone had said, I would just complety skip out seeing them for a week. That is, unless I find someone who is totally at ease with the subject, which then I would be too and would totally enjoy. I realize now that I've reffered to not having my period as 'being free' which means I think of having my period like being a prisioner in jail. Which I guess is true; I don't get to do all the things I enjoy doing. But, I can live with it, I guess it isn't that bad Sorry for the lenghty answers, but the answers are 100% honest. Hope I helped in understanding the feelings towards this
Member # 32532
posted 03-15-2007 11:38 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
-Well, I enjoy the feeling of security that I get from having my periode, but I also get annoyed by it since it's a whole week of no sex! My body doesn't feel too different during my periode, except maybe a bit more bloated and gassy! (gross, but it happens) Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? -Ya, when I'm with my bf, I'm way more self-concious about my periode. "Do I smell, am I leaking?" When I'm alone, it's a fact of life and who cares? If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? -My bf doesn't seem to care if I have my periode or not, he just doesn't like the no sex part! We have had sex while bleeding before, and he thought it kinky. Meh, it was fun except for having to keep the towel under at all times! If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? -I would like to supress my periode if it's going to happen during a special time, like a vacation or a special night out. I really wouldn't mind having my periode every 2-3 months only. I was on Depo for 2 yrs, so I got used to not having a periode. Switching to a bc pill was hard because of the blood factor...
Member # 32532
posted 03-15-2007 11:44 PM
And as for the leaking...I am obssessed with leakage checking! I had a horrible experience at school when I was 11. My periode came and I hadn't noticed, until I sat down that is. I looked down and my shorts were just soaked in blood! I made an emergency call to my mom to get me new shorts. In the meantime, I hid in the bathroom and just wouldn't come out!
2nd story was in my highschool gym class during our swimming time. I had my periode, so decided to use a tampon. 20 mins later, blood everywhere! The lifeguard pulled me out in front of everyone! 3 clases in all, my friends and everyone were watching me...I just wanted to die! Plus, the male lifeguard gave me a real hard time about using a tampon in the future (though I had used one...) he also told me to stop swimming since I was gross. Needless to say, I never swim when I'm bleeding now. I learnt my lesson well.
Member # 28071
posted 03-15-2007 11:49 PM
Not sure if my answer will be helpful or not, but I have a kinda unique take on this one. Seeing as I'm on birth control to regulate my cycle, because without birth control I don't get a cycle.
I used to hate my period. Hate, hate HATE. I had horrible cramps, felt self conscious in pads, was always afraid of bleeding through everything, was self conscious that people would know because I felt gross about it. Part of this stemmed from the fact that I developed early...I had my first period when I was 9, and no one else in my age group was really developing yet. I was the odd one out, and bleeding when no one else in my class or group of friends had developed yet made me want to hide it. I wanted tampons, my mom told me horror stories about those causing tss and how I should never ever touch them. So at friends houses I had pads in a separate wallet sized discrete bag and buried the used pad as far down into the bottom of their garbage as I should shove it. Then eventually my periods stopped coming regularly. At first it was great, it was a month without cramps, a month where I didn't have to hide my blooded pads, a month where I didn't have to feel self conscious about leaking or reeking (I was also paranoid that since I couldn't wear tampons my pads would start to smell after about 3 hours). So I'd have one month on a regular cycle and then skip a month. Or have two months in between cycles, or whatever. It was fine, it was more convienent, and just one less thing I had to deal with. Then other issues with my health came up. After seeing several doctors who had no clue what was going on, I was eventually sent to an internalist who confirmed PCOS in a blood test. One of the symptoms of which was me not ovulating regularly, and therefore no regular periods. For a while I was still fine with the no period thing...and resisted the idea of regulating my cycle when it was suggested. So I was going 4 months without a cycle. So what? It was wonderful. So what if I never knew when it was coming? I just always had something on hand just in case. And besides, I usually got a couple hours warning, no pms, no cramping...just the best of everything. Until my gyn smacked me with the reporcussions of NOT having a cycle, such as a really nice high risk of uterine cancer if I was only having a period two to 4 times year. I think it was that statement right there that gave me the wake up call that perhaps I was looking at this all in a very skewed light. I'm now on birth control to keep regular. And while I don't exactly celebrate my cycle, I understand how it is natural and important and not something to be squemish about. I'm still kinda self conscious about the pads (pantyliners) thing...but with how light my cycle is after the pcos I don't bleed enough to consider tampons worth it...I'm more concerned with leaving it in too long to be healthy considering I usually don't fill a pantyliner. While still a virgin my boyfriend was less likely to touch or stimulate me when on my cycle, but then he had an OCDlike abhorrence to having his hands dirty. Given, while I'm fine with my period now on my own terms I'm still squimish about other people knowing I'm "on", so to speak, and while I'm not grossed out about it myself it does still bother me for some reason to have someone else in contact with my fluids. And in my process of trying to prepare myself to become more sexually active it did occur to me that without being on birth control having irregualr periods would be immensely frustrating....as once I became sexually active I'd have nothing to gauge pregnancy on. As for how my period makes me feel about my body, I actually feel better now that it comes regularly because I'm too aware of the risks when it goes too long without one. While I used to hate it, I now see it as natural and normal, nevermind I'm taking hormones daily trying to keep myself doing what normal women do on thier own. [ 03-15-2007, 11:53 PM: Message edited by: greenapp1es ]
Member # 10592
posted 03-16-2007 05:24 AM
• How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
Sucks. Big time. I feel very dirty and im usually a VERY clean person.. when i do have it.. im in the bathroom i wipe and wipe and wipe untill it's as close to spotless that i can get it.. and it takes for EVER. Sometimes i feel really crappy.. when it first started and a year after id get SUPER horrible cramps where i couldnt move. period. I remember in 8th grade the bell rang and i got one and i had to sit there for like a minute or so messing with my stuff because i just couldnt move. • Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? *not sexually active and doesnt have a parter* • If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? Like FadingStar, my family didnt talk of such things. Ever.. and what i learned.. came from my friends. I didnt have the internet then. I'm incredibly lucky though.. my friends told the truth. So even now when the subject comes up, i'm incredibly emotional and break down.. when i need to buy pads i have to write code word "rabbit chow" on the board because im so embarrased and ashamed i guess. Also because it's inconvinient.. and time consuming.. and i feel very dirty.. i dont like having secrets. ever. and this is one huge one.. that i cant ever tell anyone. • If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? NA • If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? I dont. not intentially anyway. the first few years i had it were pretty much normal. I'd skip one here and there. Afterwards i went a year without one.. then it was normal for ~4 months. Then i went 6 months.. then normal for abuot 3 months.. then i went 6 months again.. had one... and since nov. 2004 till now.. i've had 3. So i unintenially dont have them. • If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? ugh. yes. even though i dont have many, they are still horrible and whatnot.. like greenapp1es i consider(ed?) myself lucky.. cuz i dont gotta deal with it.. and i know the risks of cancer or whatever. In fact.. ovarian cancer runs in my family. My grandma died from it. ive watched mystery diagnosis and whatnot and too, learned about PCOS.. and whats goin on with me sounds an AWFUL lot like PCOS.. however, i havent been to see a normal doctor since i was about 4 years old.. much less an obgyn or specialty doctor.. • Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I think it makes being a girl sucks. I often dream of being a guy.. and. well.. only 1/2 jokingly tell people i'm 'close' to that i wanna be a guy. lol. -- final thoughts: this whole.. you know.. period.. sex.. genitals thing is all very awkward for me.. like i said above with fadingstar.. stuff like this was never discussed.. so im lead to believe it is bad. (also) because of this... i dont understand.. periods.. sex.. genitals.. the whole 9 yards.. you know and i find.. genitals.. like.. um.. penises.. and.. uh.. vaginas.. rather disturbing.. and i have no desire to ever see any of them. It's bad enough i gotta deal with MINE. And did i mention ive never been in a relationship? It really doesnt help that i'm asexual. That's right people. No libido. No pr0n. No masterbating. Nothing of the sort whatsoever. That's right. I'm rare! XD and im also terrified of seeing an obgyn or whatever. Im 18 now.. (obviously not sexualy active.. and probably never wil be) The whole.. CONCEPT of.. you know.. takin my pants off is.. unthinkable. I dont even wear shorts in public, i'm that conservative. i know ill prolly have to go see one eventually.. but. holy crap man.. i would have to be the doctor tryin to tell me to drop my pants. Man.. -_-. because my case is also unique.. it may sway results or whatever. but case studies are always fun :3 ~Smm [ 03-16-2007, 05:28 AM: Message edited by: smm ]
Member # 28874
posted 03-16-2007 06:49 AM
I kind of like havig my period
For some reason, it makes me feel more attractive and confident, my sex drive goes up and I enjoy it more (though I don't want to recieve oral or manual from my partner) I just end up feeling really good about myself and everything else. I do get leaks onto my underwear but that's why I just wear old ones, save my nicer ones for other times hehe. I generally just feel better while on it, and if I stay around anyones house I usually take a plastic bag to put used pads in and conceal that in the bottom of my bag, gross I know but I don't want someone else to have to empty bins with an unplesant sight/smell. Even though I'm pretty sure they wouldn't mind, I just see it as a form of manners. My mothers period is incredibly bad..the other day at work it kind of got everywhere, all over her skirt etc. and told us how she had to go find incontinance underwear to wear as her knickers were ruined, as a family we are very open with these kind of issues:P But I feel lucky mine aren't as bad as that. I get pretty bad cramping but I just deal with it as I know I could be much worse off, and that I'm lucky my body is working well where some people don't have that. My ex was nasty about the thought of my period and it made him feel physically sick. My current partner doesn't mind at all, but I feel obliged to tell a partner that I am bleeding so it may be unpleasant.
Member # 3
posted 03-16-2007 11:09 AM
So far, these are all really awesome, really helpful responses.
I really appreciate your time and your honesty: thanks so much! When all is said and done and I've got the piece going, I'll hop back and talk a bit about some of my ideas on what is really fueling period-hatred or negativity and the desire to menstrually suppress (though if you just read a lot of what is here, you likely already see a lot of the common threads), but for now, whoever wants to keep going, by all means, do.
Member # 32691
posted 03-16-2007 12:48 PM
I have always HATED my period. I've had it for almost 2 years now, and I dread it every time it comes. When I first got it, I went to my mom, handed her my bloody underwear and said "i think i have my period." I was a little bit in tears. She said "Yep, you do. Congratulations!" I just thought, why are you congratulating me? this is a bad thing! I think I just thought it was bad because my friend had just gotten it about a week before I did, and was telling me how much she hated it and that I would probably hate it too. I got it in the morning before I had to go to school, and I was so upset. I had a very bad experience. I have a REALLY heavy period on the heaviest day. I had no idea that there were differnet absorbancy pads, so my mom just gave me a light ultra thin pad.I figured, okay I guess since it is a pad its going to be fine and do its job. The first day of my period was light, so it wasnt a big problem. The next day, huge problem for me. I soaked through the pad in less then an hour. I was in a class where the teacher doesn't let students go to the bathroom NO MATTER WHAT. I was getting blood all over the seat while he was lecturing. I took my jacket and wrapped it around my waist so I could try to hold some of the blood from getting on the seat. The rest of the day, I had blood all over my pants and had to wear a jacket around my waist or else I would have gotten it all over everything. I was so self concious. Now, I am still really paranoid of leaking. I am mostly paranoid about it because I don't want it getting everywhere, like on my seat at school, and I don't want people seeing me with blood on my pants and laughing. I wouldn't say it makes me feel self concious about my body, but I do feel really bloated, which isn't so nice. I hate that it is really heavy. I think if it was a little lighter, I would be fine because at the end of my period it is light, so I don't even worry about it. Also, it is REALLY irregular. It doesn't EVER come at the same time. It usually comes between about 26 and 40 days, which is really inconvenient. When I have it (and if it's on one of the heavier days), I try to not go to friends' houses, especially not to sleep over. My period isn't something I am ashamed of. I know its normal, and every woman goes through it. It also doesn't gross me out at all. The reason I hate it is that it is so heavy. It makes me feel wet, and scared of leaks, and bloated. However, I feel lucky that I atleast don't have cramps (yet). I am strongly considering going on the pill because I would like it to be more regular and lighter.
Member # 22484
posted 03-16-2007 02:38 PM
Heyy. How old are you? because you just say that you've had your period for 2 years. It sometimes takes a while for your periods to get regular espeically if you've just recently started. I've had my period for almost 6 1/2 years, and it just started getting really regular in January of this year. Which I am SOOOO greatful for, because my period would be wicked irregular too, and it would drive me insane. My doctor suggested that I could go on the pill to regualte my periods, this was last year, but I never did, because I've had this boyfriend that I've been really serious with for the past 2 years and 3 months. haha. But my mom didn't want me going on the pill because I think she thought I'd have sex with my boyfriend!! I was just like "MOM you don't know how crazy this makes me that my periods aren't regular AT ALL!!!!" ugh, it got me sooo upset that she wouldn't let me go on the pill for that reason. Atleast now I dont't really have to worry because its regular. As for you being bloated, just make sure you drink LOTS and LOTS of water! It flushed everything out of you, and makes you less bloated. You could also try taking something like Pamprin, which takes care of a whole range of symptoms such as Cramps, bloating, irritability, headaches, backaches, body aches... pretty much all the symptoms you get when you have your period. haha. Or you could try another thing called Midol, which is another pill you can take for that same stuff. You can get either of these at your local drugstore, and they aren't prescription, so you or any other girl could get them. And as for your last option you could go on the pill to make your periods lighter, and to regulate them. Although, with age, as you get older, your period will likely regulate by itself and get lighter. Both usually happen when you get older. Also, if it worries you that your period is so heavy and irregular, ask your doctor. Your gynecologist, pediatrician, or what have you. Because your irregularity and heaviness could be happening for other reasons than the ones that I just tolf you. But it really is more likely that your period just needs time to regulate itself, and get in a pattern good luck with everything! oh, and how old are you?
Member # 22484
posted 03-16-2007 02:41 PM
You know that there are all different absorbancies for tampons and pads, right? If you are afraid of going through your pad, and onto your clothes, you could always wear a tampon and a pad at the same time. So just incase the tampon leaks, you have that back up pad with you! Also. make sure you change you pad or tampon regularly, because if you don't you are more likely to soak through. feel free to ask me anything else if you have anymore questions
Member # 23917
posted 03-16-2007 08:56 PM
I like being on my period. I don't like the cramps and back pain, and I don't like the PMS or the cravings. I think it's a bit of a hassle, especially since some of my pants don't fit with pads and I don't like to wear tampons, and because it's hard to find time to change pads often enough throughout the school day. But, despite all that, it just makes me feel kind of good about myself. Womanly, I guess. I do enjoy it more when I get it during a week where I can be mostly at home, though. It's a little easier on me because, even though I get terrible cramps and pains before my period, I am, and always have been, super regular. I have 26-28 day cycles and last for six or seven days almost without fail. It's nice for organizing my schedule and such to know "Okay, can't go swimming with such-and-such that week" (Like I said, I don't like to use tampons. For that matter, I don't like to swim either, but that's somewhat irrelevant).
I view menstruating as a pretty special thing, on the whole. Among most of the women I know, it's something that's really unifying. I mean, I've talked to girls at my school that I don't even really know that well about, you know, "Well, it's that time of the month again. Does anyone have an extra pad?" or "Oh my god, I'm PMS-ing so badly right now/I have such bad cramps. I just want to go home and sleep." It's pretty nice, actually. The funny thing is, though, even though I have a friendly relationship with my period, I don't usually masturbate when I'm on it. And even when I do, it feels really scandalous. I don't know what that means, but perhaps I have some subconcious, way deep down distaste for my peroid. *shrug* If I do, it's certainly not something that's readily apparent, even to me.
Member # 32691
posted 03-17-2007 08:46 PM
Thanks floridian for all that information. I'm 15 years old, and I got my period when I was 13. I do know that there are different absorbancies for pads and tampons (I just wasn't aware of that the first time I got my period). The thing is, I've tried using a super absorbancy tampon and when I went to take it out, oh my god it hurt SOOO bad! I'm so scared to try it again because I don't want to feel that pain again. Plus, my period is heavy so even the super only lasted for about an 1.5 hours before leaking. So basically, I only wear tampons when I have to (if I go swimming or something), and I try to avoid wearing them on the heavier days of my period. Although,next time I may try wearing a regular absorbancy tampon with a pad, because I think that way the pad won't get soaked up so fast. I think I'm going to talk to my doctor about my concerns. One thing I am really worried about is that this summer I am going on a teen travel program for a few weeks, and my biggest fear is having my period on the trip! I won't be able to go swimming, I will feel just gross, and I will have to worry about leaking and about carrying pads/tampons around and being able to have a time to change them. So I'm going to try talk to my mom and doctor about it.
Member # 33032
posted 03-19-2007 02:48 AM
You know for years and years I hated my period. Not because of cramps or bloating, but just because it made me feel gross and icky. If there had been Seasonale back then I would have had it. But now that I am older I see things differently. I understand my period, why it happens and how it works. It's a good system. I think I would still prefer Estes to Menses, but then again who wouldn't? Now that I understand what it is I no longer resent it. I rejoice, because when I am menstrating I am empowered. It is the scarlet letter that says "Hey, I'm a woman now, my body says so." It reminds me that one day I will be a mother, and that brings me joy and comfort.
I know a girl who got ovarian cancer when she was 15 and had to have a full hysterectomy, and she says what she wouldn't give to bleed once a month again, to have that assurity that her body was young and fertile and that she might someday be called Mommy by a child cradled and nourished in her womb. Heck, as I'm writing this I am on my period, I know it's TMI but I feel no shame. THis is my body, and whoever or whatever created us decided that this was how it was supposed to work so I'm just happy it's working. I still really don't like any kind of sexual contact while I'm on my period, and when I have a boyfriend that lasts more than a month they either respect that or hit the road. But I had one boyfriend last year who knew I was cramping and that I was wearing a pad ( instead of the tampon which I prefer) and he went out and bought me a bottle of midol, a box of tampons and a snickers. He said he didn't know which one would help but that he wanted me to feel better. Somedays I love my period, others I hate it, but it has helped me to see that I am a woman, and it has helped me learn to be proud of that. Hope I helped!
Member # 26599
posted 04-04-2007 10:40 PM
i remember first getting my period when my mom wasn't at home and i had to tell my dad; he was surprisingly knowledgeable about it; he gave me a pad and some tylenol, told me to lie down for a bit. i used to hate hate hate hate my period! i was kind of an early girl, and thus every month when i would get it, i would cry and beg my mom to put me on the pill or (once, in a hysterical fit) get me a hysterectomy. at this point in my life, i've had my period for six years and i've kind of embraced. whereas before i used to freak out when i got it, now when i don't get it or it's late i freak out. i can tell when it's coming and tell when it's supposed to go away. when i cry at the drop of a hat or when i hate being touched or talked to, i know it's coming. when my boyfriend and i first started having sex, my period was an issue just because he didn't understand exactly what was going on. we had all watched 'the miracle of life' in the 4th, 5th and 6th grades but how was i supposed to expect him to remember what had gone on in those videos? now when i am expecting it, i warn him in advance about my mood swings and crankiness. and he knows to be extra nice to me. when i can't get out of bed because of my cramps, he gets into bed with me and rubs my belly and back. the nicest part is that he is very patient with me when i am at my most impatient. now, my period isn't an issue because he knows when it's coming.
the idea of not having a period by using birth control methods seems really inviting and appealing, but i don't think i could handle it. i'm so used to having mine every month that not having it would be unnerving. i would consistently worry about being pregnant and the birth control affecting the health of the child or being pregnant and not knowing! can anyone imagine being pregnant and not knowing and just continuing on with the pregnancy until it was too late to make an educated decision based on facts and not based on desperation? those are my biggest fears about controlling my period. the biggest bummer about being on my period is that i cramp pretty badly and that i can't have sex with my boyfriend for a couple of days. i also love it, though, because i can eat as much chocolate as i want and i don't break out. also, i can stay in bed and whine and have a heating pad and whine and no one bothers me about it. what i hate more than anything is when i'm upset and it has nothing whatsoever to do with my hormones and my boyfriend or my dad or my guy friends or even my girlfriends say, "is it that time of the month, fae?" it just makes my blood boil! i've always wanted to say, "i can want to strangle you without it being 'that time of the month,' okay?!" because my period is an easy culprit; that way, people don't really have to believe that i might really be upset with them or that maybe sometimes, i can be a real b*tch.
Member # 22441
posted 04-30-2007 01:25 AM
I realize that your thing is already written, but I found this to be an interesting topic.
I was incredibly excited when I first got my period. I was the last girl in my class to get it (though there _were_ only ten of us) and it was something I had been waiting for since I was 9 and I got my first puberty/sex ed book. That's almost six years. It was still something I liked for about, say, a year and a half. And then the problems started. When I have my period, I bleed really heavily, and I get terrible PMS. I have to up the dosage of my mood stabilizer in the week before and during my period. I can't do anything for the first two days of my period because of how heavy it is. I have to run off to the bathroom every hour to change a super tampon and an overnight pad. Because of this, my doctor put me on birth control pills to hopefully lessen the PMS and the bleeding. It didn't work. Eventually I switched to Jolessa, which makes it so I have my period every three months. Of course, for the first three months I was on that pill, I had near constant spotting. But that's over now. And I love getting it only every three months. I may even switch to the one that fully suppresses it.
Member # 33814
posted 05-11-2007 07:28 PM
I love the idea of my period. It never grossed me out. Its always been controllable. Its always been regular. Me and it, were generally on good terms, if a little out of touch.
I started having my period when I was 11. I was at summer camp where I had to swim every day, no excuses. So my first experience with menstrual products was tampons. Tampons now and forever. At first I was concerned about touching myself but I got over that pretty quickly. My mom, a doctor, gave me the clinical definition of what was going on, and after that, we never really talked about it. It was just one more thing to worry about. Did I have enough tampons with me? How was I going to hide the red stain in my underwear? Would I leak? How would I get my supplies to the bathroom stall without everyone noticing? I guess I never started to feel great about my period until I read Cunt, by Inga Muscio. She spoke of the connections forged between women, how we all bleed, how we can create life with our bodies. Id never really thought about it that way before. Now, I welcome my period. It makes me feel powerful, in a way. I have the power to create a life with my body. I can drip blood onto the floor. It makes me stronger. I can bleed for five days out of every month and be in perfect health. I can take the cramps from hell and live my life anyways. The only shame I have surrounding my period is that I use disposable products. I want to try a reusable menstrual cup and cloth pads, but Ive never gotten up the courage and the cash to get one. Sometimes I go to the natural foods store and just look at the Keepers, there on the shelf. However, I live in a college dorm and washing out my blood into the shared bathroom sink isnt something I feel comfortable with. Because I use tampons all the time, I feel somewhat disconnected with my period. I have little contact with the blood; its easily dealt with and flushed away rapidly. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to bleed on something. Ive also thought about using a blood rag, just for the hell of it. Im sexually active with a female partner and Ive never had sex while I was on my period. Weve had sex while she was on hers though, and it wasnt an issue. We were just more careful with the blood, laying down towels and using gloves. I think my good feelings around my period are a result of reading and thinking and my general feelings of love and self worth for my body, which I feel lucky to have. My form of birth control is lesbianism, and I dont think that has any form of period suppression associated with it. I would never suppress my period though. I love my body, and I love my period, I love vaginas, and I love women!
Member # 12381
posted 05-12-2007 10:10 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
I really, really dislike having my period. My main reason has always been the heaviness. My usual is 7-9 days, having to wear overnight pads (like diapers) the whole time. My doc has checked me out and hasn't found anything wrong; I just have a really heavy period. Since it is so heavy, I'm really self-conscious that time of the month. I won't wear any white, and I always grab a jacket to tie around my waste just in case. I've leaked twice, so now my routine is to tie a jacket around my waste as I walk into class and then rush to the bathroom after class to make sure everything is alright and change if necessary. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? I think I've actually become MORE comfortable with it now that I'm married (wasn't sexually active before). My husband isn't really weirded out by my period at all, and it's comforting to know he won't by weirded out by all the ickiness. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I explained this in my first response. It has a lot more to do with how heavy my period is than anything else. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? My husband is fine with it. He's actually less opposed to having sex while I'm on my period than I am (my issue is mostly with mess; usually I won't even have sex when I'm not on my period unless we put a blanket underneath us in case there's mess). If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? I suppress mine because of the above-mentioned issue. I want to be on birth control right now anyway, so I went with Depo Provera. I haven't had a period in almost a year, and I've been on it for about two years. I'm actually getting to the point where I miss having a period (although I don't want such a heavy one). Since I'm getting to the two-year mark anyway, and doctors don't recommend staying on Depo for longer than two years because of concerns of decreased bone density, I will be switching to something else this month. I'll probaby go with Loestrin Fe. I should still have a period, but hopefully a lighter one. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? If anything, starting my period caused me to respect women more. We have to put up with a lot. It's made me really defensive when guys try to write off periods as no big deal. Don't know till you've been there.
Member # 25983
posted 07-03-2007 02:47 PM
Lybrel is getting more press, so this is definitely worth some extra discussion!
Member # 30165
posted 07-04-2007 05:22 PM
I've always hated my period--not because of the cramps, or the bloating, or the messiness--I hate it because no one around me takes me seriously when I'm on it. If I start ranting about something that made me angry that day, it's just because "you're hormonal!" I get angered easily, I rant a lot, it's nothing out of the ordinary for me to burst into tears of frustration. But there's one week a month when, apparently, I don't have a valid excuse for feeling emotions of any sort.
I also hate my period because of the way my female friends use it as an excuse for acting irrationally. I realize that cramps make you feel bad, but that doesn't mean that you no longer have control of your actions. It bothers me, and it always has. As much as I dislike being written off because of it, however, I would never suppress my period. I don't like messing around with my body's natural...stuff. Heck, I won't even take medicine for my cramps (unless they're interfering with an exam or something). Don't know how many of the actual questions I answered...but that's all I really have to say about my menstural cycle.
Member # 33376
posted 07-05-2007 06:54 AM
i don't like being labelled either and as i get bad side effects, i'm not comfortable explaining about it. i never wear white when i'm on my period and i have 'old big knickers' to wear when it comes. it amkes it more comfortable than worrying about stains and stuff. i have a heavy flow and have to wear maxi pads but i don't mind. it feels safer than tampons
[ 07-05-2007, 07:00 AM: Message edited by: selina ]
Member # 31183
posted 07-07-2007 09:54 PM
I hate the idea of making it blatantly apparent that I'm on my period. By that I mean having stained sheets/underwear or having a trash can full of discarded pads. Every time I'm on my period, I check every time I sit down to make sure that I didn't leak and I pay special attention to the sheets when I wake up in the morning since my b/f's sheets are white. My own sheets are black so I never had to worry about it at my own house. My sheets used to be white when I was younger, but then I started my period and I have always leaked a lot in the mornings when I am getting up because my flow is really heavy when I wake up, and my mom would make rude comments about it when she would wash my sheets. It made me really embarassed and so I got my dad to start buying me black sheets.
When I'm with my boyfriend, I can't stand the idea of having stained underwear, whether it be from discharge or my period. I constantly change underwear when I anticipate that he's going to be around a lot. My blood always runs cold when he says that he's doing our laundry and I know that I am on/just got off my period and haven't done my laundry yet. I don't know if he's ever seen them but I would hate it if he did, and I don't really know why. I don't think I'd be able to look him in the eye for a few days afterwards. It's probably because I'm afraid he'd say the same sorts of things that my mother used to when she'd wash them. I take every possible precaution to prevent leaks but I still get them and it makes me feel like a slob (like the types of people that you see with spaghetti sauce and barbeque all over their shirts like they don't even care). My b/f loves to do things to me in bed almost more than me loves me doing things to him, so whenever I'm on my period I feel like I'm taking something away from him. I don't know if he'd ever want to do anything while I'm on it, but I don't think I'd let him. I'd be way too self-conscious. I can't go out with him and do things like go to bars or play basketball or whatever because I get absolutely excruciating cramps for 1-3 days every time. Most of the time medicene won't even calm them. It makes me feel like a party-pooper to everyone. I'd definitely rather not have them at all, but it still wouldn't stop people from saying that I'm "PMSing" or "ragging" every time I get angry (I *REALLY* hate that word. The last time a guy told me I was "ragging", I knocked one of his teeth out - literally. The worst part was when everyone who was watching went "S***, she really is ragging then.") I think accusing a girl of PMSing when she is not is one of the rudest and most insulting things you can say to a girl. That's like saying that a guy is just frustrated because he has ED when he gets mad. It's almost like people assume that a woman is supposed to be tranquil and docile at all other times of the month and then a furious beast for those few days. It all just irritates me. Edit: I'd also like to add that I'm anemic, and my body seems to have no sympathy for that in terms of length/flow, so I usually end up being very dizzy for the duration of my period. Which sucks. A lot. [ 07-07-2007, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: Itami139 ]
Member # 34606
posted 07-09-2007 03:50 PM
I feel a lot better about my period since I began using a Moon Cup. Some of my friends thing its gross and dirty (yes, those are the exact words they use) but being able to know the amount of bleeding and the different kinds of flow and blood gives me a strange sense of empowerment.
And the idea that I'm not advancing teh global doom by filling up landfills with pads or tampons feels great.
Member # 35054
posted 09-03-2007 02:51 AM
I HATE my period. I never used to, because i never used to get such bad cramps. But this year, my period started really getting me down. On the first few days of it, I get cold sweats, nausea, diarreah and dizzyness.I'm near to vomiting. That's not to mention the horrible,horrible cramps.
Ugh, Once I skipped my period for eight months though, probably because I wasn't eating alot. I find It really easy to loose weight, and If I'm not careful to keep my weight up my peiod dissapears. But I know that's not healthy, so at least in a sad way I know my body is healthy when I get my period,although It's the time of the month I feel at my sickest.I am considering going on B/C pills to regulate my cycle and hopefully stop these terrible cramps. I don't like surviving solely on my jar of painkillers for a week.
Member # 29206
posted 09-03-2007 10:09 AM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
*I hate having to deal with the mess... I have to be really careful when I throw away my pads so my cat doesn't get into the trash can (ick!), and I HATE staining my pretty underwear. I also hate having to deal with cramps; I get bad cramps every time, and every third time or so I am quite literally immobliized unitl I get a break and can take some Naproxen. I generally get very lethargic, and that can be obnoxious sometimes. But it's good, I guess, to know that hey, I'm working, I'm healthy, I'm rebooting my ovarian operating system. So there's that. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? *Not sexually active If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? *I grew up with very healthy body image attitudes and such... I like being in control of my body. Having it do things without my permission is not fun. And since I'm so absentminded, I'm almost always the one who forgets and stains her underwear or forgets to take her pain meds and then is trying to not curl up and keep paying attention in French class... try explaining why you need to go to the nurse to a foreign, male teacher sometime. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? *I am not sexually active with my girlfriend right now, but we do talk about our periods, which is kind of fun- she teases me about all of my symptoms because she almost never gets any. :-P If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? *Haven't surpressed my period If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? *I can imagine it coming at a really bad time; let's say a big dance, or something in particular in which staining your clothes would be a huge deal- and skipping it. Or if my partner was grossed out but it was our anniversary or something. I don't know. It would freak me out, though. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may not influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? *I feel like it tends to make females a little more aware of our bodies than males... I don't know.
Member # 35129
posted 09-03-2007 08:54 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
I hate my period. I don't feel any different about myself really during it, but I do feel like I can't control my body and I don't like it. I hate the mess. I hate having to stand over the sink scrubbing my underwear clean of blood. I hate getting cramps, having to eat less so I can pay for my pads (I'm a teenager and use my lunch money), and the fact that I'm bleeding out of my freaking vagina. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I don't hate it because of body image issues. I don't feel ashamed or even disgusted. What I hate is being so interrupted. I mean, the cramps and bleeding and everything else every month exist for what? So I can be a successful receptacle for somebody's sperm and have children! (There may be marginal health benefits but this is the primary reason.) I don't want children at this point. I basically hate the inconvenience and pain that serves me little to no purpose. And I also hate being accused of being "on the rag" or PMSing when I get angry. I mean, what if I am? I didn't choose it! Men are such pigs about it. I, and almost every other woman in the world, have to have cramps, bleeding, involuntary mood swings (the hormones aren't our fault!), bloating, pain, and so many other unpleasant symptoms so they can impregnate us and then they think that far worse than our suffering is the fact that they have to live in the same world as we do. It's so unfair. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? I hate the physical symptoms and having my life interrupted. I shouldn't have to deal with something that causes me pain and serves me almost no purpose right now. People say that periods are natural so they shouldn't be suppressed, but so are a lot of things. Men with high blood pressure get ED as they age, but no one gives a second thought of them altering their bodies so they can have sex with their wives or girlfriends. Although the ED is natural and doesn't really harm them, they take the drugs so they can have pleasure. I want to take menstrual suppression drugs so as to avoid displeasure. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may not influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I don't really think they do much, except I think it's another way women are forced to suffer more than men.
Member # 27966
posted 09-04-2007 01:31 AM
(Someposter, I just want to remind you that at Scarleteen we do not support generalizations- particularly ones based upon gender. Not all men are "pigs", and such derogatory statements are not welcome here.)
Member # 35438
posted 10-10-2007 04:47 PM
Hey. I'm a new member here, so hi! *waves*
-How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? I hate my period. Its so inconvinient and annoying- I have heavy leaks and I hate it when the blood leaks through all my clothes. Its EMBARRASSING! Periods have practically been the cause of all my most horrible embarrassing moments.... As for my actual body... I don't notice any difference... Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? I'm not sexually active so I wouldn't be able to tell you. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? Its probably got a lot to deal with other people. I hate talking about periods, let alone have them. Its embarrasing and I hate other people's reactions. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? I wasn't actually aware you could suppress your period until now... I guess I'd want to. In order to prevent the mess.... Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? Well.... periods are another why I don't like being a girl... but I wouldn't want to change my gender.
Member # 3
posted 10-10-2007 06:05 PM
(Just FYI? Sounds to me like your complaints have a lot more to do with how much most menstrual PRODUCTS suck than with menses itself.
So, to make your life a lot easier, and ditch leaks, you might want to look outside the box of disposable pads and tampons. Most washable pads, for instance, in my experience, pretty much NEVER leak because they don't shift around the way disposables do, are made of better materials the absorb better, don't make you sweat more which can add insult to injury when it comes to leaks, etc. And if you use tampons and have leaks, that's telling you that it's time to go a size up for your flow. or, better still you could look into a Divacup or Keeper, which work better than any tampons do.)
Member # 28780
posted 10-11-2007 10:06 AM
I've been feeling pretty crappy about my period lately. I've been wanting to look into re-useable menstrual products (like Lunapads)because they're good for the environment and hey!, who doesn't like pads with polka dots on them?
But the other day I got so angry because I told my boyfriend that I wanted to switch, and as his face turned white he said, "Well...um...don't wash them with MY clothes." I looked at him like he was absolutely insane (which he was) and no matter how many times I told him that they'd obviously be rinsed out, he wouldn't budge. Not only is washing them separately economically impossible (we have no washing machine and that's just stupid to run a whole load at the laudromat for some freaking pads), but I got the familiar "unclean woman" feeling. We NEVER have sex while on my period, which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, I would never want to make him do something sexual that he felt ookey about, but on the other, I wonder WHY he feels ookey... Basically I'm untouchable during my period (sexually). He even gets nervous going with me to buy pads or tampons. He looks over his shoulder all the time and bounces around like we're going to get attacked (in fact, the ONLY reason he was excited about Lunapads was because he wouldn't have to go to the store with me to buy pads anymore). Anyways, I'm getting really tired of it and after we had the lovely washing-machine conversation, I said, "You know what? You're dating a female. And all frilly words aside, 'GET THE **** OVER IT!!!"
Member # 34755
posted 10-11-2007 09:17 PM
Oh my gosh, Fallchild, my mom reacted the same way when I told her I was going to try Lunapads! Never mind that they'll be rinsed thoroughly: I can't put them in the washing machine with other laundry.
So I just soak mine and wash them by hand--it's a little more work, but it does get them clean. I do like how you dealt with it with him, though. A male partner who just can't handle menstruation, at all, really isn't being very mature, or very fair. Personally, I'm ok with the "I don't want to get blood on my hands, so I'll just keep them out of your pants" position, but when it's " OMG MENSTRUAL PRODUCTS THE HORROR THE HORROR!!1!" Then yeah, he needs to accept that this is part of being with a female partner. By the way, congrats on trying the cloth pads. I find them so much more comfortable. And pretty.
Member # 29171
posted 10-11-2007 10:15 PM
These are my recent feelings, now that I'm on the pill and all. Had you asked me beforehand, the only word to describe it would be "hate", in all caps, and probably followed by a nasty rant. quote: How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? Nowdays, my period's not too bad, and I don't mind it too much (entirely different case from a year ago). I don't really feel any different about myself, either, though I'm never too thrilled if I end up horribly bloated looking. quote: Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? Not really, I'm very frank with my boyfriend. I do tend to avoid intercourse a bit, since sometimes it ends up painful. quote: If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I'm neutral about my period. It's just a natural thing that happens, and at most, it's an inconveniance. quote: If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? Thankfully, he can be a mature adult about it, and like me, sees it as a natual thing my body does. He was even curious enough to ask for a DEMONSTRATION as to how tampons work. A little odd at the time, but at least it shows that he's not all grossed out about it. quote: If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? I do it every couple of months, say if I'm staying with my boyfriend that week, or going on vacation. Really, whenever I think it'll be too much of an inconvenience. quote: Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I think my just seeing a period as a natural happening of the body, and nothing to stress over anymore really gives me a good outlook about my body and sex since it's one less thing to fret about.
Member # 35842
posted 11-19-2007 11:59 AM
My reply might be a bit late... but thought I wanted to share a bit of my own thoughts and feelings. quote: How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? N
I used to be OK when I was about 13-17. Then I got anorexia, and my period disappeared very quickly. I didn't feel like a woman at all before I got anorexia. I got my period, but that was it. When my period stopped, I didn't mind. At all. It was good, I felt. My body was finally the way I perceived it to be all along. Manly. Also, having my period meant being healthy. In my head at least, because there are women with an ED that keep getting their period even when they are at a near-deathweight. But to me... having my period meant: being a woman again. Something I did not want to be, because in my head I never was. After 2 years I gained some weight, got my period back, but my eating was screwed up. The first month I was happy. Everything still worked. And my mom would stop asking me to see a doctor. I thought she didn't know about my ED and I could keep it a secret still. I never wanted to tell a doctor about my ED. The second month I started to have major issues with it again. How could I be having my periods? That must have meant I was healthy... and I did NOT want to be healthy. So I started to lose weight again. And again, my period stopped. However, after a year (I was 20 at the time) I started to eat healthier. Gained weight, period came back. And it's now been about 3 full years that I eat healthy and normal again. And all these years, I have been able to see my period as a normal, OK thing. I don't like it when I have it, because it makes me insecure a bit. Will I leak? The premenstrual cramps, the bowelproblems right before my period starts and on the first day are really something I could do without. I still wonder if my messing with food has caused the pain. I never had any pain when I was younger. I never knew I was having my period until I got it. Now there can be days when I feel quite sick. But it's part of me. I may not have much a female upperbody (I have a healthy weight now, but I can't find any bras my size, because all the cupsizes are too big. And the AA-cups are not big in enough around my chest. So it's either: get blue or wear a bra that's too big...) but that's no reason to let my other female 'thing' stop as well. One does not have to do with the other. (of course other issues were going on too, but this was a factor in my ED) I am not with a partner and never have been, so I wouldn't know about how it feels if I'm involved with someone. I still feel a little awkward buying pads or tampons. About having to say: erm, no I can't do this exam now, I'm having my period...I think I don't want other to know because it's about an intimate part of my body. And I have issues about that. Have had since I was a kid. I don't know why really, I just remember that whenever I had to undress and be in my underwear I was afraid that people either would laugh (I was 5...) or that they would do something to me. It's not as bad as it has been, for different reasons. But it's still there. And I think I may not be fully comfortbale about it ever, but it's quite manageable most of the time. And for me, that's good enough for now. So anyway, my period is mine. And it's OK. It's part of who I am, part of something that nature gave me. And I have no intention of messing with it anymore.
Member # 35773
posted 11-19-2007 08:17 PM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period? Honestly? I hate it. My cramps have been a lot better since I went on birth control, but I still get some, and I'm sorry, but I've never been able to have warm fuzzy feelings about bleeding out of my vagina for a week. It's inconvenient. Having to be changing tampons/pads, stainng your favourite underwear,etc. Plus, the fact that blood and chunks of unerine lining are coming out of my girlpart really doesn't do much to make me fee pretty or sexy. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? Not really. It doesn't bother my boyfriend to have sex while I'm on my period, so we just put a towel (or two) down and have our fun. I usually fee slightly disgusted when we finish and he has blood all over his penis,but he insists that it doesn't gross him out, so I guess I've kind of gotten used to it. Also, there is a part of me that welcomes my period when I'm sexually active, because I'm terrified of getting pregnant. When I'm not sexually active, I pretty much just feel pure, unadulterated hatred for my period. When I'm sexually active, though, at least I can tell myself that it's more convenient and less expensive than an abortion. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? Honestly, I think a lot of it stems from a) I'm not entirely thrilled that I was born female and b) I'm completely terrified of getting pregnant. Now, I'm not exactly transgendered, and for the mos part, I live as a woman. Sometimes I'm okay with it, sometimes I'm not. But once a month, I get a nasty red reminder that I am indeed a fertile female no matter how I dress or act and I can't escape it. And that sucks. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? My current boyfriend, who is the only person who I've had sex with while on my period, is far more okay with it than I am. It doesn't seem to bother him at all (and I've begged him, many times, to speak up if it makes him uncomfortable), and I guess that makes me feel a little bit better about it myself. It's easier for me to be less disgusted by it when people around me aren't disgusted by it. If you do suppress your period, why do you do this, how often, etc? I don't. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? For all the reasons I've listed that I hate it. The only thing that I'd be a little iffy about is the one thing my period is good for....if I get it, it means I'm not pregnant. If I were to supress it, I'd probably waste a bunch of money on pregnancy tests, just because I'm paranoid like that. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may n ot influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? I had gender issues before I started my period, and much of the reason why hate my period, beyond the pure inconvenience, is that it reminds me that no matter how andrgynous my mind is, my body is still 100% female. I'm actually usually okay with my body being female. I like my breasts, and I feel fortunate that it's easier for me as a female to crossdress than it would be if I were male. I honestly kind of like the attention I get from men (and sometimes women), too. I just really, really dislike that I have to a) deal with all the less pleasant aspects of my period and b) can get pregnant. It's like, menstruating and pregnancy are the two things that many people seem to think "define" womanhood, and I've always felt extremely uncomfortable with both. [ 11-19-2007, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: libertatissacra ]
Member # 39211
posted 07-08-2008 01:47 AM
How do you really feel about your period? How do you feel about yourself and your body during your period?
The first year or so that I had my period, I tied a dark colored, long jacket around my waist and pretty much lived in it for 3-5 days every 28. It was good cuz that jacket hid leaks in my jeans and if it got bloody, you couldn't tell. I got mine when I was thirteen, and I think if I'd have gotten it any sooner, I wouldn't have been very able to handle it (I could barely get used to it as it was). I'm more confident about it, now, and I wear what I want and don't obsess so much about leaking. And when I'm feeling P.O.'d about the whole deal, then I just try to look at it as a privilege, like that because I DO have my period, it kind of makes me part of a sisterhood, ya know? That I can get pregnant, while children, men, and older women can't. That usually eases my annoyance.I don't enjoy the necessity of having a bathroom nearby to change pads and tampons, though. I feel it really "cramps my style" so to speak. I guess I feel a little held back sometimes because it has to be taken care of. Do you feel differently about it when you're sexually active and with partners than you do alone? I'm not sexually active. I never have been (I'm a virgin in every sense of the word). But, when I'm around a guy I'm really attracted to and I'm on my period, I usually am more uncomfortable and less confident around guys. I worry about...well, actually I'm not sure WHAT I worry about. Maybe just looks. Like leaking or something. Or maybe it's because guys' bodies don't do menstruate. If you hate it, or it grosses you out, etc., why? If you hate it, can you address things that might contribute to you hating it (like, for instance, growing up with bad attitudes about it, other body image problems you may have, misogyny in general, etc.)? I don't generally HATE it, but I often feel restricted in my activities (although that's really all in my head), and sometimes I feel like I could hate it if there were no purpose. I think that's probably my issue, though. Just because I think everyone has their days when they don't like anything. If you're sexually active, how do your partners feel about it/treat your period? I'm a virgin, like I said, but I asked my mom about what the male part of the population think of it and if people have sex when the girl is on her period. She said that they don't really care. At least not in her experience. If you do NOT suppress your period, but do want to or would want to, why? I'm sure if I would want to, but since I'm planning on being a virgin until marriage, I might look into it so that I could be sure I wouldn't be on it during the wedding and honeymoon. The first time around I expect will be enough without worrying about the hassle of make sure ya don't stain the hotel's sheets or something. Plus, if I'm wearing a white dress...well, with my form of luck, it would probably be red instead. Whatever your feelings about your period are, how do you think those feelings may or may not influence how you feel as a whole about your body, your sex and/or gender? My mom is very open about sex and men and the two together...and she's also very negative. She doesn't seem to believe that there could ever be a truly emotional depth to a relationship in a good way. I feel differently, but she insists that "all men want is sex" which really bothers me. I wish she wouldn't lump all men in the abusive category she marries. Still, she doesn't seem to view periods in a negative light, so I guess maybe that's part of why I don't either. At the same time the only reason for women that she sees is getting married and having children. I want to get married and have children someday, but I want to do other things first. I want a career, but our religion strongly encourages "stay-at-home moms" so I also have to deal with the pressure of that, as well. I love the female things about my body (like my hips and breasts), and maybe that could have something to do with the fact that I don't mind my period...except when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Then, I hate everything, not just things about me.
Member # 3
posted 07-11-2008 05:02 PM
Just wanted to let all of you know that there has been a substantial publication delay with the anthology which I was writing this piece for, and which your words were part of.
But I obtained permission to publish it at Scarleteen in advance, so here you be: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/i_being_born_woman_and_suppressed Obviously, I hope some of what I have to say there might make you and your period more comfortable bedfellows, but even if it doesn't, or you don't agree with me, I thank you very much for your thoughts and words.