T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 27966
posted 01-18-2007 05:33 PM
Forgive me if I've got this in the wrong forum, I wasn't really sure where to put it!
Recently I've decided to practise celibacy, for religious reasons as well as personal ones. I've been really anxious and paranoid regarding sex for a while (not pregnancy but feelings of self-esteem) and I feel that celibacy would give me a chance to sort out the root of all those problems. I've read up the article "Does Abstinence Make The Heart Grow Fonder" on the main site, as well as searched through old posts. What I'm really curious about is, how would I explain these things to people who basically put me down for my decision? Already I've had people accuse me of being a right-wing fanatic (yeah, I'm right-wing and a conservative Christian, but I'm sure not a fanatic), and another person told me it was "retarded" to "deny your sexual needs", and that my boyfriend would leave me if I didn't meet his. I know my boyfriend is gung-ho with all of this, so that's not a problem either. What would you guys suggest as a polite way to basically put these people back in their place without having to go into my reasons for becoming celibate?
Member # 25983
posted 01-18-2007 05:59 PM
I'm right with you there, leabug.
Today I was in psychology class discussing various relationship models. I discussed how intercourse didn't play such a huge issue in my relationship because of the lack of passion, and the professor was entirely taken aback.. "Your boyfriend doesn't CARE that you're not having sex?!" "Err. Um. Not really. Intercourse is no big for us." "Why not? Aren't you afraid he's going off to get it from someone else?" I also had a hard time getting the folks to believe that it wasn't because of a religious conviction, it was for my pleasure. What I finally ended up saying was something like: "I'm perfectly comfortable with the level of intimacy in my relationship. Sexual needs aren't a huge part of what makes up me as a person, nor my relationships. I find other activities such as cuddling, kissing, and going places to be just as fulfilling. Sex doesn't have to be an important part of every relationship, though I respect that it is for some."
Member # 27966
posted 01-18-2007 06:19 PM
That's a great response actually! I'm much the same- I also find things like cuddling equally satisfying.
While my boyfriend DOES think it'll be hard to be celibate (since it means he'll have to abstain from partnered sexual activity as well), we've been together for 4 years and he knows full well that if he has an urge and I don't want to help satisfy it, he can take matters into his own hands (pardon the pun!). I've had a hard time dealing with responses to the whole religious conviction aspect of this. It IS partially due to religious conviction- but it's not the whole purity thing that this is about. For me, it's about eliminating distractions in my spiritual life and being able to focus on that aspect of my life, not about trying to "un-sully" myself before God or something, which is what most people assume I mean when I say it's for religious reasons. It kinda sucks how people really look at you funny when they heard you'd really rather be celibate... like there's something wrong with you or like you're crazy. [ 01-18-2007, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: leabug ]
Member # 30995
posted 01-18-2007 08:44 PM
It kinda sucks that you have to (or feel you have to) explain your reasons for being celibate to people.
Just remember that you don't have to justify yourself or your choices to ANYONE but yourself. Except maybe your partner. Because sex is a group effort, so to speak. [ 01-18-2007, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: Menthol ]
Member # 27966
posted 01-18-2007 09:58 PM
That's why in the original post I asked for ways to basically placate these rude people putting down my choice, without having to get into my reasons
Member # 32406
posted 01-26-2007 07:06 PM
I'm a leftwing agnostic and I was celibate for a long while too! It's very hard to explain it to people with liberal lifestyles.
Maybe I'd say: Sex is partially emotional. I think people are missing out if it's not, but that's my opinion. I don't think turning sex into some kind of mechanical thing to please other people - I want to do it for me, when I'm ready because then it will be infinitely more enjoyable. And as a Christian, you probably think sex should be more than just pleasure. It's a human need, sure, but it's not like food or water. To the person who said your boyfriend would leave you, well, if hypothetically your boyfriend thought your views were stupid, good riddance! But he supports you and you trust him and give him credit...he values you over his sex drive. That may be delving into your reasons too much but it's hard to placate people without somewhat understanding. It's obviously not a Christian fanatic thing because I've done it. To be curt, you could just say you want to focus on other things, your relationship isn't all about sex.