T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 17839
posted 12-18-2005 07:44 PM
(I'm not sure if this is the right forum to ask this, I just wasn't sure about where it would fit)
Anyway, a very good friend of mine - for the record, he's a 19-year-old guy, he's in love with me, he's told me so, and I'm very good friends with him but I do not love him *that* way in return -, who has never opened up to anyone before he has done so with me, has confessed to me that he doesn't know how to cry. He had sort of an abusive parent and a hard childhood, he somehow learnt to supress his tears so that no one knew how he felt, and he's been unable to cry anymore ever since he was 12 years old or so. He's a really mysterious guay, always keeping everything to himself, but his opening up to me has left him sorta vulnerable and he has confessed to me that he feels the need to cry sometimes, however he is completely unable to.
I really don't know how to help him. I'm a really sensitive person and I cry easily, even if only when I'm alone or with my closest friends; but have no problem in doing so. He just keeps on bottling up everything inside but doesn't know how to let it go...
Has this happened to anyone? How can I help him let go? I really want to help him learn to cry
Member # 26589
posted 12-18-2005 08:02 PM
is this forum for advocates and sexperts only? if it is im sorry, i couldnt find where it said it was.
but i dont think thats very uncommon? i cant cry either. but the only time i've ever found that it got in the way was at funerals and it seemed like i just didnt care. but not being able to cry doesnt mean he is keeping it in, talking about it and letting the problems out in words should be just as good, if not better, as letting them out in tears.
im sure just having you there for him is better than being able to cry
Member # 94
posted 12-18-2005 08:19 PM
Only the Emergencies and Crises and Ask Scarleteen Forums are Sexpert and Advocate only. This forum is open for any user to reply.
I agree with Boogle that he could look at expressing his feelings in other ways-- talking, writing, art, if he feels that he'd like to cry but is unable to. If he's after a cathartic experience, he could also try going to a remote place and yelling (but you do need to be careful with this-- you don't want disturb other people, or cause people to think that someone is being hurt).
It also seems like he should be looking into counselling, to help in process the abuse he has suffered, and he could bring this issue up with the counsellor. While it's clear that you care about him, a professional who is trained to help people who have suffered abuse, would be far more effective in helping him out, particularly since you say he has feelings for you that you don't return.
Member # 26589
posted 12-18-2005 08:42 PM
oh i didnt see the part about abuse. sorry
counsoling is deff. in order if he was abused and it is effecting his life. and another thing, if he loves you and you dont feel the same, make sure you're not leading him on. by all means, you can be someone who cares about him and be a very good friend, but you have to make sure he knows you two arn't in any type of relationship.
Member # 17839
posted 12-19-2005 05:39 PM
The thing is, he hates counsellors. He just can't stand them, and I've already suggested that possibility to him but he's strongly against it. And I want to help him learn to cry, not because he might be unable to express his feelings in other ways, but because he's told me he wants to, and that he thinks it would make him feel better.
But, if he doesn't want any counselling, and he doesn't want to open up to anyone except me - the reason being mainly, as I stated before, his feelings for me -, I guess I might be the best option in trying to help him... I don't know, I might be making a big fuss about all this, but I care deeply for him, and I've seen him really depressed sometimes but not knowing how to get out of it
And by the way, I've already made it clear to him that we're not in a 'relationship', and that I don't love him in return, but he also knows I care lots for him and, well, I'm a very physical person... I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to refrain from giving him a hug if he needs it.
Member # 18964
posted 12-19-2005 08:18 PM
This is just me, but I find that if I just start talking/thinking/writing about whatever it is that's eating at me, the tears come. I don't even think about crying, I just go and babble for a while about every single little thing that's wrong, from the big stuff to the small stuff, and let my sentences run into each other and let my emotions escalate and eventually the crying just starts, whether I want it to or not. Sometimes I make it like an essay question - "Life Sucks." Discuss. - and work through every angle and option, and working through it works me up. If you want to be there, you can be the one he rants at and encourage him to keep going until he feels satisfied.