T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 93273
posted 01-03-2012 03:08 PM
I'm a 16 year old girl and I like to think of myself as bisexual because I can be attracted to/ get crushes on all types of humans (males, females, gender queer people, transsexuals, etc.) however I find that I only fantasize about/ desire sex with cisgender females. Does that mean I'm really just a lesbian? I want to be honest and open about who I am but I've never dated anyone or done anything sexual with another person so I'm not sure how I feel yet and therefore I don't want to call myself anything too quickly or inaccurately label myself.
Also this is a bit personal, but I only ever think about girls when I masturbate (which I've been doing since age 11). The only time I thought of guys while doing this was when I forced myself too and I didn't feel pleasure or anything, but i've had crushes on guys in the past and have found guys cute/ wanted to kiss them. I'm really unsure, I like guys but I just seem to strongly prefer girls. Is it possible to be like 70% gay and 30% straight? That seems to be the case for me.
Member # 3
posted 01-03-2012 03:13 PM
It sounds to me like, as of right now, you know all you really can about yourself, and what you call your orientation, as always, is going to mostly be about what feels right and most true for you. That can include saying you're questioning, or opting out of a term for your orientation completely if none feel right to you right now. "I'm not sure," is a perfectly acceptable answer to the question of orientation.
The idea of x% gay and x% straight doesn't really make sense, because we have terms like queer and bisexual to address when someone is neither of those things. Heterosexual is generally used to mean someone who is only or mostly attracted to people of a different gender than them, and homosexual someone who is only or mostly attracted to people of the same or a similar gender than they are. Putting them together like that is problematic, because it basically cancels both out, know what I mean? But for sure, the idea that queer or bisexual people have some kind of perfectly "equal" or identical kind of attraction, or level of attraction, to both men and women or all people isn't reflective of most bisexual or queer people.
Member # 93273
posted 01-03-2012 05:26 PM
Yeah I guess the % percent thing is kind of illogical because how can you be gay and straight at the same time when they're two different things. So what you're saying is not all bisexuals are equally attracted to both genders and that preferences vary from person to person? I agree with that, I've always felt sexuality was more a spectrum and very fluid.
I'm not out and I don't plan on being out anytime soon but after reading what you said, i think bisexual/queer is what I feel most comfortable with because I'm definetly not heterosexual and while I prefer women, there's always an exception. Also like i said before, i think it's pretty fluid and there's no need to stress over strict labels. Thanks for the response, I feel like it reassured me a bit.
Member # 3
posted 01-03-2012 05:29 PM
I'd say very few bisexual people have the exact same kind and amount of attraction for people of all genders, yes, even for those of us who do feel like it's pretty darn even all around. And for sure, all of this varies from person to person.
Again, I think the very best term is whatever term feels most right for you and most comfortable. It's all good. You're welcome!
Member # 93583
posted 01-11-2012 10:52 PM
It is completely normal to be confused of what your orientation would be right about this time and all the more things are going to be confusing with the recent better reception toward the community. I guess the best way to know what you are is to go with what you really want. it is your life and you just have to choose which way you are going to swing. Do not mind what other have to say. It is your life to live anyway.