T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 48877
posted 11-17-2010 07:37 AM
Okay, I've always labeled myself as heterosexual despite the fact that I identify as agender anyway (I'm okay with being called a woman/girl but only because I'm female-bodied, but that's about it). I don't know if those conflict or if they don't but my real issue is knowing if I'm even "heterosexual." In this case, for me heterosexual means attracted to male-bodied individuals (whatever their gender). But thinking back on it, I'm not really attracted to "bodies" at all. Like I rarely say someone is so hot I'd want to hook up with them or something. I really do feel like I'm attracted to people based almost solely on personality. In fact all my relationships so far have been with males and I haven't been attracted to them physically at all! I've only had one crush on a female before, but it was less on how she looked physically and more on how she dressed and the vibe she had. I'm a fashion student, so I'm really attracted to how people express themselves visually (I don't mean to sound shallow). Since I'm not really attracted to people (my mom says she is the same way), then maybe it is not fair to call myself heterosexual. When I'm having sex with a male I enjoy their parts. I've never been with a female/intersexed/tran though, so maybe I would enjoy theirs as well. In fact, sexuality isn't even about enjoying sex or body parts, is it? In this sense, I feel like maybe I could be pansexual as I could be attracted to all different types of people and sexes that I haven't encountered yet. Is it weird to jump and say I'm pansexual? It almost seems fair to say that I am though as I don't look at a person on the outside too much or usually, (save their clothing) and as someone who doesn't identify as a gender, I am def open to the fact that there are many sexes and genders in this world. I don't want to label myself pan just yet because I am questioning, I suppose. Personally I don't want to be questioning forever. In fact that implies that I'm questioning between the "two" sexes. I want to be honest though.
I hope I haven't insulted or confused anyone, I would just really like some help/opinions/facts about all this information. I've read a bit about pansexuality, and I've read some things on the Scarleteen website about sexual orientation, but I wanted to have a talk in a more conversation type way.
Member # 3
posted 11-17-2010 09:30 AM
First things first? I don't think have to worry about what's "fair" in how you identify yourself. When it comes to whatever (if any) terms we use to describe ourselves, about this or anything else, what we're going for is what feels most true to us at the time, what feels good to us, and what we're comfortable disclosing to others. I think with those things as a baseline, it's all likely good.
I don't think it's weird for you to feel like pansexual might be a good term for you: you're describing, so far, feeling a range of attraction, and also a certain apathy to gender, which can very much be how a lot of people who ID as pansexual/bisexual/queer feel. But I think "questioning" could also be a good fit, since you're clearly in that process. I don't think you need to worry about forevers, here. Most of the time, very few things that feel like they'll last forever actually do. But really, it comes down most to how YOU feel and which of those terms you feel really works for you. And if it's neither, it may be you need to make up your own words or phrases, which is also just fine!
Member # 48877
posted 11-17-2010 11:38 AM
Wow! Thanks, that helps a lot. I don't mind saying questioning for now and you're right, lots of "labels" don't apply or last forever. As always you've really opened my eyes. I'm really excited to explore this part of myself!
Member # 3
posted 11-17-2010 12:07 PM
I'm glad you're feeling so positive!