T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43019
posted 06-22-2009 10:42 PM
I am kind of new to the process self-discovery and being with a girl as a girl (not roleplaying as a heterosexual couple). I guess one would describe my sexuality type as bisexual or pansexual. However I haven't felt comfortable calling myself anything. In fact, I don't even feel comfortable being sexual when my sexuality is in question by myself and others. This is frustrating because it seems like on a personal level, it should be relatively easy to identify what you like, let others know, and go for it. Alas, it's not that simple and I can't seem to understand why not. Am I making this an bigger issue than it is? How do I make sexual identification a clearer process for myself and others?
Member # 3
posted 06-23-2009 09:12 AM
You might start by perhaps trying to understand and accept that often many aspects of our sexuality are fluid or murky, and our orientation is no exception.
In other words, if we had to have exactly who we are pinned down to a science at all times to be comfortable, we'd probably never be comfortable. And I wouldn't say sexual identity is something easy or simple: it can actually be pretty complex, especially when you add in all the cultural factors and internal and external biases at play. I'd also add that this is one of those things that does tend to get easier and more clear with age and time. When we're younger, we're sussing out our identity in SO many ways, getting to know who we are as adult people, not as children, and it's a pretty long process. But as time passes, and we live our own lives as adults, see how our relationships go, better identify our wants and needs and sense of self, it's both something we get more comfortable with -- even the murky bits -- and which we tend to get more clarity around.
Member # 43019
posted 06-23-2009 11:37 AM
I appreciate your wise words. I think I am getting used to the idea of processes, personal ones with no clear end in sight.
I think I am also learning to be comfortable about many other things about myself along with my sense of sexuality. It's starting to feel like I am in a million and one closets! I feel like my views on sexuality are pretty "fluid and murky", as you say, so I really feel clear-headed and less confused hearing it from someone older and wiser Thanks again!
Member # 3
posted 06-23-2009 12:48 PM
You're very welcome.
Obviously, if you don't feel comfortable being sexually active or dating at times when your sexual identity feels particularly murky, or you're uncomfortable with anything, just know you can always press pause, okay?