T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 42978
posted 06-18-2009 10:50 PM
It's confusing. When I was 12ish I realized that I didn't have crushes on 'cute boys' like my friends did, so I figured that I must be homosexual. When I was 14 I had my first crush on a guy and I dubbed myself heterosexual. When I was 15 I had a crush on a girl again and I dubbed myself bisexual. But all along, I never felt the -sexual part so much...I never really wanted to have sex with anyone...so I'm thinking asexual now.
But I hate it. And therein lies the problem and the confusion. I'm still a virgin at 19, which is alienating enough; my only friend who isn't having sex is a devout Catholic who constantly complains about resisting temptation. But I don't feel I have a lot of temptation to resist. I WISH that I did. I have had many opportunities for casual sex at parties and I have turned them all down - the idea doesn't appeal to me. I thought I must be waiting for something meaningful, but when I finally got a boyfriend at 18 the thought of having sex with him was hardly appealing either. He kept pressuring me, I kept saying "not right now" and finally I broke up with him. Sometimes I wish that I HAD given in so I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. Most of my crowd is into casual sex and hooking up...I feel that virgin is almost a synonym for 'loser'. Virgins are prudes or 'repressed'. I feel horribly alienated, not just for not having sex but for not wanting it. When I told one of my friends I wasn't interested in sex, he joked that it was a terrible waste for someone so good looking. I feel like I'm failing at being human. I still have some sexual behaviors though. Like I said, I'm still attracted to people, I just don't want to have sex with them. I think I was vaguely aroused when making out with my boyfriend, though I didn't enjoy it. I use a vibrator on occasion. So could there be a chance that I'm not really asexual, but bisexual? Could I just be picky and not met the person who lights my fire yet? Is there a chance I can become sexual? Because I'm just so MISERABLE the way I am.
Member # 41176
posted 06-19-2009 07:10 AM
Perhaps you are simply not into sex? You might be a romantical, and not necessarily physical bisexual?
But well, I can't say for sure. The thing is, you should probably try it, and see if you maybe like it, then you might change your opinion.
Member # 25425
posted 06-19-2009 11:09 AM
I've got to disagree with you here, Idir: I don't think it's a good idea at all for anyone to have sex 'just to try it' if they really aren't into the idea at all. Having sex just to have sex, with someone you aren't interested in that way and if that's not generally an idea that does anything for you - that's bound to be a less than exciting experience. Too, there's simply no need or reason for anyone to have sex they aren't interested in. Why bother, ya know? It's not like being sexually active is some kind of requirement.
Coeur - I am wondering where this feeling miserable comes from. Is it because you feel left out because everyone else is having sex? Or is it because YOU want to have sex? It can sometimes be ahrd to separate the things we want for ourselves from the things we want because we feel we are expected to, but it might be really worthwhile for you to really examine where this feeling is coming from. Because here's the thing: There is absolutely no need for you to have sex if it's not something you are interested in. It doesn't make you wierd, and it doesn't make you a failure in any way. Some people just aren't interested in sex at a given period in life, or always, and all of that is just fine. So, yeah, it's possible that you just haven't found the right person yet. It's possible that you're just not ready for sex yet. And it's also possible that sex just isn't for you right now. All of that is perfectly okay.
Member # 44481
posted 10-26-2009 02:41 AM
From the sounds of it, from what you are describing, and I hope I'm not getting this wrong, but you don't sound ready for sex.
And if you aren't ready, you aren't ready and you shouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it because even if you do lose your virginity you will be doing something you may possibly regret for the rest of your life. As for trying to figure out what you are, I'm going to say stop trying to label yourself and I'm going to refer you to http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/16/t/001215.html Hope this helps
Member # 34135
posted 10-29-2009 12:49 PM
It sounds like you are really responsible about what you want. Very responsible. You didn't want to have sex with your ex-boyfriend, so you said no. You've turned down casual sex because you weren't into it. You probably shouldn't have sex at any of these times when you are not into it.
Also, virgins are not uncool, and don't let anyone make you think otherwise. Virgins are people who haven't had sex. That's all it means. Keep staying firm in your own comfort level- don't force something that might not be right yet. And take care. [ 10-29-2009, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Bonnie.N.Clyde ]
Member # 44513
posted 10-29-2009 11:35 PM
Firstly if your friends are making you feel like you're a loser for still being a virgin, I feel like you need some new friends.
I felt a lot like you did, in some senses, until very recently. I had the 'crushes' that a lot of girls have as a teenager (although looking back now those really didn't mean anything, I was probably just trying to fit in with my friends who had crushes as well or whatever) but if we ever 'got together' (which, once again doesn't mean much, because I never so much as kissed them ) I was completely against the idea of doing anything slightly sexual related at all. I never liked the idae, had always found it to freak me out a bit, until I met my current boyfriend. After meeting him and talking and experimenting it's just like suddenly I was interested and I did want to do sexual activities. It was a change. There's always a chance what happened to you will happen to me. If not, it could just be that you're not into sex. Or you're just not ready for it yet. All of those are just fine too. Just thought I'd add another perspective.