T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 94446
posted 02-05-2012 07:17 PM
My freind group consists manly of girls, and a few guys, my freinds tend to flirt alot, and being mostly girls there's alot of girl and girl flirting. Before anyone says they might all be gay, it's not, it's all pretty jokey tbh like getting married on facebook.
I'm a girl and I'm pretty sure I'm pan-sexual (I'm not sure but I've definitely fancied a couple of girls before). I'm not out, I've admitted to fancying girls to my bi sister, but none of my freinds nor my parents know. I feel awkward when hetero girls flirt with me, I'm fine when hetero guys flirt with me, I flirt back and it's fine, but that's because we understand that it's just messing around (most of the time), and what our potential attraction could be towards each other. but when hetero girls flirt with me I feel awkward because they think they're flirting with another hetero girl, but they're not, even though my feeling are all platonic for all of my freinds I feel guilty, almost perverted for flirting back. what should I do?? I dont want to come out mainly because I'm not sure of my sexuality I don't want to come out and then be like oh no wait my bad I'm straight... plus I think alot of my freinds are a little homophobic.
Member # 35643
posted 02-08-2012 05:33 AM
I think it's a little bit tricky trying to pick your friends' sexual orientation, no matter what their gender. As you say, your friends may wrongly assume that you are straight and we can also those have wrong assumptions about others sometimes. In my opinion, whenever someone chooses to 'flirt' with someone else (of any gender!), they're also choosing to take the risk that the other person may or may not be romantically/sexually interested in them. There's always a chance that an interest can develop. While I can somewhat personally relate to the awkward feeling (for example, when I danced, holding hands, with a straight female friend who I wasn't out to yet)....I don't think you need to feel guilty or awkward. Your sexuality is healthy and normal. Even if you did feel attracted to one of your friends, that would be OK and normal too. You can choose whether or not you want to act on those feelings. You're not perverted and you have nothing to be ashamed of . Regardless of all the above, I don't think you should have to come out to anyone before you feel ready and safe around that. I hope that your sister has been supportive. Regarding the part about not being sure of your sexuality, I think that many of us feel that way sometimes. Some people choose not to discuss their sexuality at that stage but others use words like "questioning" or broader terms like "queer" to define themselves. Basically you get to choose which labels you want, if any. As well, our sexuality is fluid- meaning that our sexual feelings and attractions are likely to change throughout our lifetimes. So people often do go through multiple 'coming out' experiences- which is OK too. Hope that helped a little! [ 02-08-2012, 05:35 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]
Member # 94446
posted 02-13-2012 07:21 AM
thankyou, that was very helpful
. thankyou for taking the time to respond.
Member # 35643
posted 02-13-2012 05:19 PM
I'm glad it helped, you're welcome to keep talking about this as you'd like to