T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 23917
posted 11-23-2008 02:39 PM
So there's this freshman boy at my school. My good friend took him under her wing at the beginning of this year (as she does with just about everybody) because he didn't appear to have many friends. Since then, he's repeatedly hit on just about everybody I know. One girl I know was comforting him after a relative of his died, and he tried to kiss her. Twice. Another friend of mine was upset after an audition, and he hugged her and rubbed up against her all awkward-like. And he's
very obviously hit on my girlfriend in front of me twice now. And it doesn't stop there. Basically, this kid is way out of line. My question is, would it be inappropriate of me to give him a talking-to about his behaviour? Just to let him know that he's making a lot of people very uncomfortable (not to mention angry) and he needs to stop. Most of my friends are a little too nice to tell him to quit it. If he was just creeping on them, I would let them deal with it in their own way, but he's really obviously come on to me a number of times and, again, hit on my girlfriend. (And, now that I think about it, this post really should have gone in Relationships. But oh well.) [ 11-23-2008, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: BiGoddess ]
Member # 3
posted 11-23-2008 02:54 PM
Are any of these people he is doing this TO speaking up?
Honestly, if they are not, while I think it's fine as a third-party to say something, your words alone may not have a big impact. Too, I think your girlfriend needs to advocate for herself: while you backing her up would be awesome, again, if she doesn't speak up for herself, your saying something may or may not make a big difference, and you being the one to say something also can tend to create a weird "she's my property, not yours," dynamic, if you know what I mean. Obviously, though, when it comes to speaking up for his hitting on YOU, that's the ideal time to speak up and make your boundaries clear. I'd also suggest that not saying something isn't really about being nice: rather, it tends to be about a lack of assertiveness or feeling fearful, often of being the bad guy, or even of someone escalating an attack. Obviously, too, there comes a point when one just has to make clear you are not going to be in someone's company anymore who is behaving like this. So, you may also all simply want to tell your friend that when this guy is also present with her, you don't want to hang out.
Member # 23917
posted 11-25-2008 12:06 PM
Yeah, I get what you mean. I don't really want to be fighting my friends' fights for them. And my girlfriend actually goes to school in another city, so she's only met him twice. I don't really feel the need to talk to him about her, because if they ever meet again, it will probably just be in passing. I mean, the irrationally jealous part of me (which is a pretty small part, but still)
does want to say something, but that would be unreasonable and uncalled for. My main issues is that, because of choir, this kid is going to be in at least one class (probably two) with me next year, and I really don't want to deal with any drama that might ensue.