T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 40891
posted 10-31-2008 01:01 PM
Sorry in advance, this is going to be long
ok so there is this girl lets call her...Maddie? and i started talking to her about a month ago, actually probably a bit more. we were basically friends from the start and we both knew that one another was gay. We also live one town away from each other, it's a fifteen minute drive. so after a couple of weeks of talking to her i knew i liked her and i thought that she might like me as well. so we continued talking and whatnot. then my friend read like...half of our wall to wall history on facebook. so around...sixteen or seventeen pages of our conversations. she kept saying "When are you going to ask her out?" and I was like "Nahh, she doesn't like me" Because at the time to be honest, I really didn't think she did. Even though looking back..it was pretty obvious. I just didn't want to get my hopes up you know? And then be really disappointed? So I set my hopes low... Then last weekend I was on facebook and whatnot and being the coward I am I posted a message into her honesty box. It said something to the effect of "You're really kind and caring and pretty and you are a beautiful person inside and out" So the next day Maddie messaged me on msn and asked me if I had left that message in her honesty box because "If it was you then that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me so yeah it's really important to me..." so I admitted that it had been me and for the rest of our conversation she was REALLY like..loving. Waaayy more than before, it was so obvious at this point that she liked me and I let her know I liked her to. She was saying things like "i'm home alone babe, why aren't you here?" "k one day we need to have a scary movie night, and cuddle allll night long" "my name! IT'S RAINING! This means I need to kiss you now" "k babe, that's fun but do you have any cute dates you want to go on? we can do anything you want." "i'll make it your best night everrrr I promise" and things like that. She also was calling me babe/baby almost everytime she addressed me. so yeah I was on cloud nine, I had an amazing girl who actually liked me back. This was on Sunday THEN on Wednesday she sent me a message basically saying "You know all those things I said the other day, I meant every word of them I really did. And I like you. A lot. But see I'm already kinda seeing someone and well we have a problem with the distance. i know it isn't much but I would want to see the person I'm dating a lot you know? I'm so sorry I like you so much. Maybe when we're older, I really hope so. I'm so sorry. I understand if you're upset I would be too. ily <3" so yeah that's like a super shortened version of it...but basically I'm crushed. and I didn't reply until like an hour after I read it because I really didn't know what to say to her. so I just said "yeah I am upset, i'm really upset" and she just sent a reply back saying "I'm so sorry my name f**kkkk I really am.. I..ughh" so I sent back a reply saying that it was really unexpected and that i really didn't know what to say. and she said that she would understand if i didnt want to talk to her and she would give me some space and time to think. but i really don't know what im supposed to be thinking about so i just asked her why she didnt tell me before and she said it was recent and she technically told me right away... so i'm so confused and don't know what to do, i guess the situation is kinda over but i still..am pretty lost.. (Note from Heather: I had to add some paragraph breaks so I could read this. next time, if you could, that'd be great. Likely why this sat so long was just that it was impossible to read.) [ 11-01-2008, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]
Member # 3
posted 11-01-2008 08:51 PM
To be frank, I'm going to give you the kind of advice we generally give when it comes to relationship stuff online and in general.
Basically, you just really want to take your time to really put your whole heart into something like this, and also remember that online life just isn't always a reflection of the real deal. A lot of people behave very differently online than they do IRL, and also can tend to be more unpredictable, because they'll act more impulsively, since online to some people can often feel like no-consequences. That isn't to say I'm not sorry you're hurting, and that you've no reason to feel upset. You do. It certainly sounds like this girl was making promises she just didn't intend to keep, or didn't consider your feelings with. However, the way I see it, you did dodge a bullet here. It's not like you got seriously involved with this person who was both already involved with someone else and who also clearly seems to be pretty cavalier with the your feelings. My advice for next time is, for starters, not to try and conduct a relationship via Facebook. if you're going to flirt and such online, do it with a certain level of emotional distance, figuring that what's most sound to base your judgments on is how someone acts in person, if they even take it to that point. But what I hear, tool, is a feeling of hopelessness that another girl isn't going to ever like you back -- in a very real way, not like this -- and just know that's pretty unlikely. And chances are good you'll even find someone who is honest about if they are or are not available and who makes promises she DOES intend to keep.
Member # 40891
posted 11-03-2008 02:35 PM
Thanks for replying! I really appreciate it. Wow I can't believe you picked up on the hopelessness thing haha...
We (as in Maddie and I) were talking the other day and she kept saying confusing things. Even after she sent me that message she is still saying things like "well I don't like that kind of music, but I'd love to go just to be with you" and "I would love for you to come with me to (insert event)" It's confusing the crap out of me...she clearly said she was with someone. And sorry about the paragraph breaks thing...
Member # 3
posted 11-03-2008 02:43 PM
It sounds like this probably is someone you might want to consider putting your foot down with.
Were it me, I would probably say something like, "Look: you have made clear that not only are you already with someone, but that you are not interested in me romantically. So, I need you to walk your walk and stop flirting with me. You know I was disappointed, so keeping on with this just isn't very considerate of my feelings, and I expect that kind of consideration from people I am going to be friends with."
Member # 40891
posted 11-05-2008 01:57 PM
Hmm, you're right...
Thank you =)