T O P I C R E V I E W
origami_jane
Member # 27369
posted 03-17-2006 08:06 PM
I met this girl through a message board set up by my future university's admissions office. We seemed to have a lot in common, so she e-mailed me. We've been e-mailing back and forth for a month; we traded pictures, and she is very pretty, but we haven't talked on the phone yet. She has my number, plus we've been mailing mix tapes and stuff. Three weeks from now, there is going to be a visit weekend at the college, and I'm 90% sure that she's going to that. We already discussed meeting up and are excited about it. However, I've developed a crush on her, and I don't know if she feels the same way. On the message board, her posts are always more personal when she's replying to me. Our e-mails are peppered with baby s and she always signs love , and I know for certain that she is attracted to women. In one of her first e-mails, she mentioned never being able to imagine getting flowers from another girl, so when we meet up for the weekend, I want to give her flowers and tell her how I feel, but I don't know if that would be wise. A part of me just says, "go for it--if she doesn't like you back, the rest of the weekend will just be awkward, but you can mend the friendship via e-mail afterwards." On the other hand, I could hang out with her and try to keep it platonic, waiting until term starts in August to ask her out. She lives about 15 hours away from me, but the plane tickets between our respective airports are inexpensive, and there is a small but very real possibility that we could meet up over the summer for a week or two. (Oh, and I have absolutely no problem with being 'out' on campus. My university has a visible lesbian/bisexual population, so I'll have support. It's at my home that we'd have to rely on the "girls are always physically affectionate as friends" stereotype if we wanted to hug or hold hands or anything.) [ 03-17-2006, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: origami_jane ]
Ecofem
Member # 13388
posted 03-18-2006 06:35 AM
Hi Origami Jane, I see how it is a bit confusing: you could totally interpret her actions as showing interest, but you could also interpret them as being comfortably friendly. (I really like your word choice of "peppered." ) So she seems attracted to women, but also wouldn't be into accepting flowers from a woman. That was mentioned in an earlier email convo, so maybe her feelings changed. However, she could also be a person who isn't into getting flowers from people. Whatever you decide to do, I'd nix the flowers initially. But what about giving her something else, like a homemade trinket or card? I say wait until the mutual college visit before you decide how to act. You both can see how well you mesh in person after the fun email contact. I would wager that she certainly could be interested, but still isn't so sure of her feelings herself. I think the signs (like body language, etc.) will help you figure out how she feels. If you feel that things are looking good, then you could share your feelings and take it from there in terms of the summer. Whatever happens, starting college will bring about a lot of fun, different experiences: if this doesn't work out, try not to feel too let down. And whatever you do, don't request each other as roommates! I know of a bunch of roommate situations, myself included, where there was either a weird sexual/emotional vibe or girlfriends who broke up and hated each other. A more neutral roommate would be the best bet, because a comfortable living situation is crucial.
origami_jane
Member # 27369
posted 03-18-2006 07:54 AM
*shakes head* Just reading this, I realize how absolutely crazy I sound. I guess I was just eager, because she's the first girl I've ever really liked (assuming you exclude my 22-year-old Geography teacher and a close friend). I guess I will wait until the weekend to see how we act with each other. I just don't want to be clingy, though I know we'll probably stick together at first because we already know each other--erm... better than the other girls know each other. Oh, and she already is going to room with a girl from home whom she does not really know, maybe so they can coordinate things (transportation, interior decorating, etc) more easily. I'm just going with the luck of the draw. Hopefully things will work out. Would you mind if I wrote back with how it went? Thanks, oj
Ecofem
Member # 13388
posted 03-18-2006 09:25 AM
You don't sound crazy at all! You sound human and hopeful-- a good mix. Your teacher and best friend crush certainly would count as liking people, but this is definitely better because she's more accessible and available. And it seems like she may very well be interested. Please do tell how the weekend goes! It's always nice to have someone fun to hang out with, regardless of intentions , too.
Ecofem
Member # 13388
posted 04-17-2006 03:54 PM
Origami Jane, I wanted to bump up this thread to see how things were going with your friend. I'm estimating the college visit as having happened last week? (Not to pry if it didn't turn out well, of course, but I'm curious and was hoping for the best. )
origami_jane
Member # 27369
posted 04-28-2006 07:57 PM
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't find this message until now! Anyway, things went well, and I think we'll be friends. We didn't get to hang out as much as we could have because she didn't stay on-campus with the rest of us. Plus she had her parents with her, and my parents just sort of went, "you've been here before, you know what you're doing, we're going to take your brother out to lunch and we'll pick you up tomorrow night kthnxbye." I guess it fizzled out a little because expectations clashed, but that's okay. I'm kind of glad it did, because chances are that I'll date in college, and I'll probably need a good friend more than a crazy long-distance summer fling. It'll work out.
Ecofem
Member # 13388
posted 04-30-2006 03:19 PM
Hi origami_jane! Thanks for you reply. You're totally right: A good friend is great to have. And, honestly, there's something nice about starting college single. Think of all the dating potential, and being new certainly adds intrigue (not that you need a boost!)
LetMeBeHappy
Member # 28882
posted 05-20-2006 06:24 AM
i think the flowers idea is a good idea hunni, but i wouldn't make it too obvious by buying her a huge over-sugesting bunch. I would just keep it on the small scale at the minute. Oh and don't buy her a single red rose because thats a bit suggestive too. (you'll probably find that throughout this reply i ramble on about random advice, i am sorry. I wish you the best of luck...) Hmm...what else? Uh...oh yeah i think a white or a yellow rose is for friendship. But if u reeli like this girl you could try a pink rose. Oh brainwave - how about u hide a red or a pink rose in a small bunch of flowers, that would be sweet. Then if she doesn't quite catch on but is making it obvious that she likes you, then talk to her. So what if she doesn't like u back, at least she'll know. But I am sure she will hunni, as you seem a very nice person. Anyway, best of luck hunni and I hope all goes well for you. Ashleigh xx
origami_jane
Member # 27369
posted 05-20-2006 07:13 AM
Thanks for the advice, but the whole situation's over now. My personal rule for adding to old threads is if they haven't been active in the past week, they're too old to be relevant. (Obviously, this changes by subject area, but here it fits.) Thanks for your input anyway!
LetMeBeHappy
Member # 28882
posted 05-22-2006 10:43 AM
whoops sry
origami_jane
Member # 27369
posted 05-22-2006 01:31 PM
That's all right! I appreciate the concern and advice, really!