T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 26132
posted 11-11-2005 09:59 PM
I've had this friend since like 3rd grade, and we had always been so close. I actually used to think she liked me cuz she'd get jealous when I'd date someone or hang out with other friends.
When I came out to her (as a lesbian) everything changed. We don't hang around as much now cuz she's afraid other people will think she's gay. I've talked to her about it, she always made homophobic comments to me and it made me uncomfortable, I asked her if she had ever wondered if she was gay or bi. She said she believed she was bi but she decided she had to be straight. It's not that I mind that she's straight, it's just she seems to force it. Ever since I came out to her she seems to think she has to talk about guys. When she hangs out at my house by mother and sister have to tell her to "calm down" when it comes to the comments she makes about guys. It's not that I mind, it's just she never once mentioned, or gave any interest to guys, before I told her I was gay. I wonder if the only reason she talks about guys around me is because she feels like she has to. And she still acts very homophobic, again I wonder if that's her way of trying to make herself feel "straight". Does anyone have any advise as to what I should do? Should I try talking to her again, or just back off of the friendship?
Sexuality is a fluid. Whether you're gay, straight, or bisexual, just go with the flow!
Member # 17924
posted 11-12-2005 07:27 AM
It can be very hard to persuade someone who isn't comfortable with homosexuality that it is OK or acceptable to be. Many people have mindsets based on their upbringing or environment that homosexuality is wrong or dirty. Is is possible that your friend has had these influences?
Sounds like your friend is a little confused herself. She may be contemplating her sexual orientation, she may not. She may also be uncomfortable with you being gay (which it sounds like she is) and trying to ground herself by making comments like she is.
If these comments make you uncomfortable around her, than yes, you should approach her and question why she is making said comments. But I'd be careful. Accepting or deciding on orientation (their own and others) is a lot harder for some people. For you it sounds like it was a rather easy and positive change, and if she is contemplating this herself, it may feel scary and overwhelming, as it often can.
Don't be too hard on your friend. It sounds more like she is commenting for her own support rather than to hurt you.