T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 7365
posted 06-19-2002 02:43 PM
Last Saturday, I went bowling with two of my friends that I used to go to school with. One of them, F. has been one of my best friends for almost 9 years. I always thought she was a pretty cool person, but she does have her little quirks like everyone else. Like how she takes pride in being alienating other people at school.
Anyways, she's Wiccan, and she talks about it very openly. In fact, from what she's told me, a ton of people know because she told them. She even told an entire class once.
Then Saturday night, in the middle of the bowling alley, making no effort whatsoever to keep her voice down, she tells me that she thinks she's bisexual.
And it really bugs me.
Now don't get me wrong, I have queer friends, and I'm bi. It didn't bother me when they came out to me about it.
But it really bothers me that F. has said that she's bi. She even made sure to tell the other friend that was with us. Then she said "everyone at school's really gonna hate me after they find out about it...bisexual and wiccan"
Now how would they know? Tell me that. The only way they'd know was if she told them because I don't go to her school and the other friend with us would never tell anyone.
The other thing that bothers me is that she's never shown even the slightest interest in girls...ever...and she suddenly announces she's bisexual?
So I kinda think maybe the reason this whole thing is bugging me is because I think she's just doing it all for attention. Negative attention for sure, but attention none the less. Anyways, the whole thing just bothers me and I was hoping someone could give me a little advice on how to get over this annoyed feeling without making me feel like a total jerk. ^.^
Member # 168
posted 06-19-2002 03:38 PM
I'm wiccan and bi too, and very out about both of those things, and was very out about both of those things at school. At my school, I wasn't going to be harassed because of either of those identities, but it certainly made me into somewhat of an outsider.
If your friend is anything like me, she maybe seeking outsider identity. For me, school was just so socially impossible, that there was no use in trying to fit in, so it was easier to just make myself into an outsider and look elsewhere for friends. In some ways it can feel better to be an outsider than to be unknown, because then at least you're not thought of as a loser. I'd rather be thought of as weird than socially inept any day. Which is true, because I get along just fine with my outside-of-school weird friends.
If she is just seeking a reaction, it is up to you whether or not to give it to her, but understand that when people do things for attention, it's not neccesarily because they're not a good person, but possibly because they really do need attention.
You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower! -Allen Ginsberg
Member # 7365
posted 06-19-2002 04:35 PM
Thanks for the advice. It really helps me a lot. ^.^
Member # 7369
posted 06-19-2002 11:17 PM
Oh wow! I am also wiccan/bi (but I'm mostly a girl person). Maybe there should be a club or something?
Member # 7365
posted 06-20-2002 11:32 AM
I don't want everyone getting the wrong idea. It really doesn't matter to me about being wiccan and bi.
I think she is a wiccan because that's what fits her. And she talked about it a lot and read books and stuff before deciding to practice wicca. That's just the kind of girl she is. And when she just suddenly announced in the middle of the bowling alley that she's bisexual, without ever showing an interest in girls, that's what bothered me.
Member # 8067
posted 06-20-2002 11:52 AM
It might be worth bearing in mind that even if she is using being bi as a way to get attention, that doesn't necessarily mean that she
isn't bi. That's something only she can know.
quote: And when she just suddenly announced in the middle of the bowling alley that she's bisexual, without ever showing an interest in girls, that's what bothered me.
If she hasn't felt comfortable acknowledging her sexuality up till now, then it isn't so surprising that she hasn't publicly shown any interest in girls.
Member # 7347
posted 06-22-2002 02:52 AM
When I started telling people that I liked girls too, there was a lot of shock going around. I was always 'the flirt' in my group of middle school friends, I always had a boyfriend, I always had boys who liked me and that was just how it was. I guess it just never occured to anyone that I could like girls too. Well, it wasn't *such* a surprise because I had started hanging out with 'theater kids' (read: the strangest and craziest kids at my school) and had been dressing weirdaer and acting weirder so my friends weren't sooo surprised, but they were surprised for sure. And shocked. And they just couldn't take it so I looked elsewhere for my friendship.
My point being that I've always known I liked girls, but I never really felt a need to express that until I found *the* girl, the first girl I knew who was maybe queer, the first girl that I was definetly crushing on, the first girl I had to shout to the world that I liked.
So perhaps your friend just found her girl
Or perhaps she just is doing it for attention. It may be bothersome if it's the latter, but does it really matter? There are a lot of girls at my school who will go and get very very drunk in order to be able to kiss another girl, just because they think that guys will like them more and they'll become more popular and whatever. But I try not to let it affect me, although it makes me dislike the term 'bisexual', but really it doesn't affect me so I don't take a big political stand on it.
Member # 8629
posted 06-22-2002 10:24 AM
i know what it's like to be accused of doing things just to get attention, or just to fit in. i happen to be wiccan as well, and when i told my family about it, it caused a huge uproar, and they actually had the nerve to accuse me of trying to get attention. my mom even stooped so low as to sy that being wiccan was the "in" thing with my weird friends, and that was why i was doing it. if you honestly think she is doing this for attention, then you need to talk to her. dont accuse her in any way. start with something like "hey, i've known you for a long time, and i never got any kind of vibe from you about this. where did this come from?" the best you can do is act curious and concerned for your friend, and you should be able to test her sincerity by listening to her answer... that way you can save face and not offend her... good luck!!
if it has really big fangs, it's a killer rabbit! - monty python