T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 3
posted 06-05-2000 01:49 PM
When you're coming out (or even just figuring out where you stand with your orientation) a lot of people make the assumption that any friend you're close to might be a lover.
How do you make the distinction clear, and how do you assure straight friends, that you're not interested? How do you deal with it if you ARE interested?
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited June 05, 2000).]
Member # 406
posted 06-11-2001 12:57 PM
Let's bring this topic up again
A lot of times, when people find out that I'm bi, they think that I may like/have liked them in the past, and I can see it in their eyes, but they don't want to ask and offend me because while they probably don't care that I'm bi, they don't want me checking them out in the locker room. So most of the time they'll be like "you're bi?" and I'll just be like "yeah...and no offense, but you're not my type" and we'll just laugh about it.
At the GBLT youth group I go to, apparently everyone thought that my friend and I were a couple, just because we came together. And I just told them no, we weren't. People ask if me and <insert close girlie friend's name here> are together constantly, but I just tell them that we're not.
For the most part I'm pretty quite about my girlie crushes, especially if I know that they're straight, and I'll tell them after it passes "y'know, I used to have *the* biggest crush on you" but I don't want to mention it while I'm still crushing, because I don't want our friendship to become awkward because of it.
Brittany Scarleteen Advocate
This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
Member # 2610
posted 06-11-2001 01:37 PM
I own this topic. Or rather, my girlfriend does.
I came out ages ago...almost three years ago (August) now. She came out 'officially' as a bisexual last year, a few months before she found out for sure that her boyfriend at the time was cheating on her. Most of the people I hang around with aren't exactly comfortable with me flaunting my sexuality (more because of their backgrounds than anything else). They really didn't know what to make of her: glam goth, obviously checking out women and men in public, drop dead gorgeous, very vocal about her sexuality... The breakup was hard on her, and we started hanging around together. Rumors flew fast and furious about whether or not we were 'together', and to be honest, we really weren't for another month.
We're still not 'out' with our friends, but the rumors have died down. They've discovered more interesting prey. And that's my story.
As far as other people go, I just wait until they ask. Then I tell them that, while I find them to be very pretty, and to have lovely personalities, I know that they are straight, and therefore, I'm not interested in them 'that way'.
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. ( Tr. "I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head." )
Member # 2748
posted 06-11-2001 04:31 PM
Ah, yes. I remember. When I came out to my best friend, she was nothing but supportive. I was exceedingly happy since I was close to having a nervous breakdown over what her reaction would be. A few weeks or so after I told her, we were IMing and the topic of gayness came up and how last year she thought she was gay because of me and how I thought I was gay because of her. So in short it turns out that last summer, we really like each other more than friends. Jumping ahead to now, we don't like each other anymore. This story and the topic correlate in my head somehow.
Member # 2105
posted 06-11-2001 04:53 PM
Nobody thinks I am in love with my friends, even when I tell them I'm gay because, well, I don't know why. Girls just sort of think yay, another person who'll check out guys with me, and guys, well, I've only told two guys and neither of them assumed I am romantically involved with friends.
It's just not been an issue for me, but if I were really out (as in my parents knowing) I suppose I'd try to make it very clear I'm single. I don't want anyone assuming I'm taken when I'm not, who knows what I would miss.
Member # 2748
posted 06-11-2001 05:13 PM
Oh, yeah, I suppose I should add while I'm on the topic that the first person that I told I was gay is now my partner. We do our best to not be "too gay" in school (as in we are pretty much close friends in school). And people usually assume that there's something between us, but they can't quite figure out what.