T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 3
posted 07-22-2013 03:00 PM
I'd very much like to have a conversation with those of you who have found, or do find, yourselves freaking out a great deal about possible pregnancy with any given kind of sex, but continue to engage in that kind of sex.
Truly, I'm just pretty mystified, and I'd like to try and understand this better. Long story short, we get this from a lot of users, who are in a pattern of engaging in sex when they keep freaking out about pregnancy risks that truly aren't possible or realistic, or are using multiple methods of contraception, but still don't trust them. Or who know they have profound anxiety around sex. From my view, all of these kinds of situations are cues that, for whatever reason, something is amiss and whatever kinds of sex have someone freaking, it's not the right time for them to be engaging in those kinds of sex. Sometimes, people seem to realize that, figure out what their real, underlying issue was, and work through it, later coming back to sex and feeling very differently about it. But other times, people seem to ignore those cues -- that's how it looks from where I'm sitting, anyway -- and keep doing the things that have them full of fear and anxiety. If this has been or is you, can you try and help me better understand, so we can potentially better help you and others in this spot? Thanks!
Member # 108049
posted 07-24-2013 07:47 PM
I don't know if I specifically apply to this. But I know I kind of do. So here was my situation:
I know I have an anxiety problem. I have barely shared this with anyone, and I plan to get help when I'm independent. Me being somewhat prudish, along with my anxiety, had me abstaining from sex until I was pretty old, 22. But at 22, while dating a girl who wasn't a virgin, and I was very drunk, I had sex with her. I knew she was on BC. And we both decided when it would happen I was going to use a condom. But I wanted to wait a bit longer and decided that I wouldn't get the condom so it would keep me honest.. Course that didn't happen. I was so panicked afterward, vowed to never have sex again. Of course her BC worked. Period came on time. Worry was gone. Decided we weren't going to have sex again, didn't buy condoms. But I felt pressures to because she wanted it, and we had done it before.. Thought it would be better this time because I lived it once already and it turned out fine... So panicked again afterward. Got her period, BC worked again. Now I use condoms and I usually ask to make sure she takes her pill on time. That is good enough for me. But I lived the anxiety. I just wish I could have felt how I felt afterward, before.. If that makes sense. I put myself in situations where it was too easy to say "oh 1 form is just fine, I want to do this. I'll be fine" until afterward. Took some trial and error I guess..
Member # 20094
posted 07-26-2013 07:19 PM
Thanks for sharing, Davepoke.
I'd love to hear from anyone else who wants to share, because like Heather, I'm pretty baffled by this idea of continuing to have partnered sex when it's freaking you out in some way.
Member # 108033
posted 08-03-2013 06:03 PM
I'm this same way. My anxiety is diagnosed, and I take medicine for it. I want to have sex with my boyfriend for the same reason that most long term couples want to. I want that intimate bond, but it terrifies me. Not to say I don't enjoy it, but I always get this stupid fear afterwards. I since have decided to hold off, because I didn't want to freak myself out. I feel bad and my self esteem seems a little shattered from it all.
I was on the pill though, and he always wore and condom and we never had any failure. I just kept taking pregnancy tests to make sure. They were always negative.
Member # 95710
posted 08-03-2013 10:38 PM
I can weigh in on this, definitely.
Sex is amazing in theory. Talking about it is great. Fantasizing about it is fun. And doing it in the moment is often amazing and exciting. But afterwards, maybe even ten minutes afterwards, I freak out; even if we had used the pill, condoms, and nothing broke and he didn't even penetrate me. I think I have some anxiety as well, but I am slowly trying to curtail it. I try to just rationally tell myself that whatever I'm worrying about is a minute possibility (for example, a pregnancy after taking my pill on time and a condom/withdrawal being used). I'm far from perfect with my rationality-plan, but it at least helps me a lot now for things related to sex or non sex-related. I guess I have sex because I like the person I'm with (not that he's perfect or I am, but still); and because I too "feel good" before it's happening and while it's happening. I guess your mind takes a mental vacation when you're sort of neutral and outside of the situation, you know? It's odd.
Member # 72015
posted 08-15-2013 10:15 AM
[ 08-15-2013, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: Roxie102 ]
Member # 108484
posted 12-04-2013 10:13 AM
Well, I think in my case I am still doing it because I think I will get used to it if I keep doing it (being sexual). But then, we will face many new pregnancy scare scenario in our head, aand back to this amazing site to get some explanation done (sorry guys)