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Message: HTML is not enabled. UBB Code™ is enabled.	[QUOTE]Originally posted by Heather: [QB] I thought it might be helpful to add my perspective as a much-older person (I'm 40) who STILL feels she isn't ready. A couple caveats first: • As someone who has been a teacher for around 20 years, I have seen a lot of the impact poor parenting or less than ideal situations for having families can have on children and young people, so I raise the bar very high for myself. That said, I don't think having children and/or parenting is mandatory or essential for anyone, so I think we all get to have a high bar and probably should when parenting is a choice. • Reproducing with my own body is off the table at this point in my life, but has been before I got to this age for the most part due to personal health issues and finances. [b]Before being ready to parent, in any capacity, some of the things I feel like/have felt like I needed are:[/b] • The desire to truly be a parent, sustained over time, not just in moments or smaller amounts of time in my life. • A large support network ready to be a village for anyone I'd parent, so that it's either not just me, nor just me and one partner, but an extended, active family that's diverse and all committed to pitching in. • Health insurance for myself and my family as well as a reliable salary I could be fairly sure was stable and secure. • A LOT of humility and forgiveness of myself for inevitably making a ton of mistakes. • Time to really spend parenting and with a child, not just in snippets. The freedom to make extended time fairly regularly, which would include being able to walk away from work for days at a time, if needed. • The strong feeling that I could care well for a child in all stages of their life, not just at one age or stage. • Ongoing counseling/therapy for myself to help support me while I did the difficult work of parenting. • A community to live in I felt I liked and would stay in and also felt was a good place to grow up. • The desire to give up a lot of time I'd otherwise have to myself, including at times I felt I really needed or wanted that. • Not being the primary caretaker of anyone else. • The desire to fully commit myself to a child for the whole of their lives, understanding their level of commitment to me will not likely be reciprocal. • The ability to love and accept a child even when they wind up mirroring the parts of myself I like the least. • The understanding and acceptance that anyone I parent may or may not meet my expectations or ideals and may be radically different from me or who I might want them to be. • Acceptance that sometimes, I will have to draw lines and limits which will result in a child/teen not liking me or understanding me. • A real confidence in myself that I am capable of the enormous challenge of parenting well. [/QB][/QUOTE]

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