T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 37274
posted 04-05-2008 09:17 PM
Back in Dec. my birth control messed up and i got pregnant...but soon misscarried...
It didnt bother a whole lot in the beginning but its really gettin to me now..i see all these pregnant women and newborns everywhere... the other day i received some samples of formula in the mail and it was basically a slap in the face. I would love to have another baby, but i dont want it for just the 'filling the void' purpose.... Today is one of my really down days..ive been sad and depressed nearly all day and i cant get my mind off of it no matter how hard i try... I took up a new hobby to help...i now have a fish with a few guppies and mollies..in hopes i will get some baby fish... Any comforting advice anyone can give me?
Member # 3
posted 04-06-2008 10:13 AM
I think it can be helpful to remember that most of the time, what miscarriage is is your body knowing that a pregnancy is not going to be viable, or something is not right with a fetus, which is why it basically self-terminates. It's estimated that as many as 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, often very early, and often without a woman ever even knowing she was pregnant in the first place nor knowing she even had a miscarriage.
In other words, you body wants to assure that whatever children you make, they're healthy, as are you. That's not always what happens, but the body does try. None of that, of course, means you don't have the right to grieve if and when you feel grief. By all means, do whatever you need to to process this. But in that processing, I'd just encourage you to seek out a strong acceptance of this very natural process and that it's something very normal for your body to do.
Member # 37274
posted 04-07-2008 01:41 PM
thanks,that helps me a bit..and cleared my mind a bit also...
Member # 21345
posted 05-04-2008 08:16 PM
Im so sorry for your loss! Its normal to feel "empty inside" after a miscarriage, and also normal to want another baby after one. Not saying you should or should not get pregnant though. I, too, felt empty on the inside when I miscarried last september.
[ 05-04-2008, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: mommy4life15 ]
Member # 568
posted 05-05-2008 01:40 AM
There are support groups devoted to helping people who are grieving miscarriages and stillbirths. You might wanna check out SHARE
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/ Their FAQ page is a great place to start.
Member # 3
posted 05-05-2008 10:43 AM
You might also try and just spend extra time with the daughter you do already have now. She may or may not be a baby anymore, but as I understand it, she's right there for you.
It might also be helpful to think or talk with someone about why a baby, in particular, versus a child, has such appeal. How old is your daughter right now? Are you dealing with any challenges with her? Or do you feel like when pregnant or with a newborn, you were treated differently than you are right now?
Member # 37274
posted 05-08-2008 02:43 PM
My daughter is almost 2, will be 2 next month.
And we are having some challenges with her somewhat, like potty training and bed time and eating habits. The thing with that tho is that my mother will take my daughter for about 3 or 4 days so me and my hubby can do house chorse and have a date night and mommy and daddy time. But everytime we get her back form my mother, she wants to go to bed way early and get up way early compared to her normal sleeping time. We had her almost completely potty trained til she spent these last few days with my parents and now we are back to square one. Doesn't matter how calm i try to talk to my parents and explain how we do things they never obey and always disrespect me and how i'm raising my daughter. they see my as the babysitter not the mother. Me and my hubby have talked and have just decided to not 'try' but to be 'careful' either. Just that if it happens it happens if not, then it doesnt. We are somewhat tight on money right now so i suppose it is for the best for a future baby to wait right?
Member # 3
posted 05-08-2008 11:39 PM
Well, your mother certainly doesn't have to have your daughter for half the week. Most parents don't get that many days off from their children or a a couple nights a week alone without kids. For most, worldwide, at best you're talking about kids being at school or daycare while you're at work, and maybe getting a night to yourselves for dates and whatnot every couple of weeks. Some families go months without that time.
And if she's going to do that - if you still want her to, and can make that work for y'all and your daughter -- then by all means, if all of you don't agree on consistent rules, plans and routines, your kid's behavior is going to be...well, as confused as she's likely to feel. Two year olds can't make sense of mixed messages or of different parents and co-parents being inconsistent. They really need consistency. As well, if you want to glean more respect as a parent with your mother, you may simply need to draw a firm line and make clear that you love her help, but not at the cost of your child not knowing which way is up, and that to continue this way, she needs to get on board with some routines you all commit to. If she can't agree to that, I'd suggest you look into alternate childcare arrangements, as well as perhaps having more time with her yourselves and less time away. Honestly, it's sounding to me like this conflict may well be influencing you right now in craving a new baby, even though it seems like little would be different, particularly once your baby is also not a baby any more. And the be even more frank, personally, I'm of the mind that not being careful is making a choice not to prevent a pregnancy and not to plan for one. If you know you can't afford another child, and know you have issues to work out with the child you have -- including needing half a week to yourselves without a child -- as well as with your family if they're helping co-parent, I'd suggest making a clear decision about what you're going to do. Leaving this stuff up to the fates that be doesn't make a lot of sense to me, especially since when the "fates" provide a pregnancy, they don't also tend to provide all of the practical and emotional resources everyone needs for one. "If it happens, it happens," is mot a sound, workable plan for most families/parents, but it really tends to be a poor one for the kids, who tend to feel it the most when the extensive resources, time and emotional energy aren't available for them. I also think that if you perhaps find some ways to spend some extra, special you-time with your daughter, maybe investing a little extra in things just for the two of you, it might help a lot per how you're feeling, but also make for a happier scenario overall for both of you and the dynamic of your family right now.
Member # 33806
posted 05-11-2008 04:05 AM
I know exactly what you're going through. I just recently had a stillbirth in April, unfortunately I was nearly 7 1/2 months
It hurts me to see other women who are pregnant or with their children, so I've found myself barely ever going out anymore. I can't even bring myself to go to the grocery store. But although it happened just a few weeks ago, I feel like I've come so far since then. I feel stronger and stronger each day. It will get easier for you, just remember it's normal to feel this way, and it happens to lots of women. I recommend going to www.pregnancyloss.info. My Chaplin introduced it to me and after just a couple minutes, I instantly felt comforted. It helped me get through when I felt like just breaking down. You will get through this, I wish you luck