This is topic Am I being selfish? in forum Relationships at Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive).

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Posted by Nethers (Member # 46456) on :
Okay so I found out my boyfriend is at the movie with his friends. The thing is I feel like total complete shit at the moment, because Friday is our night.

The thing that gets me is I found out about this right at the last minute. He didn't even bother telling me he was going to the movie as I was on my way back home so we can spend time together.

Last Friday, there was this show that I wanted to go to and so I asked him if it was okay with him and he told me that he didn't want me to go because it was our night, so I didn't. I asked him out of respect because he would've felt the same way I feel now if I told him at the last minute.

Am I just being selfish for feeling angry? Also I told him not to try to contact me all night, was that right of me to do so? What should I have done instead?

Posted by rosegeranium (Member # 29128) on :
Hey Nethers,
I guess it's possible that your boyfriend didn't realise that you feel the same way as he does about Friday nights, or that you would like there to be consistent expecations for the two of you.

However, it does seem like he could be holding a bit of a double standard, in not wanting you to do something separate from him on a night he considers your shared night for hanging out, yet not checking with you when HE wants to do something separate.

Whatever his understanding was of the situation, I don't think it is selfish of you to be angry , whether it's about the inconvenience or about an agreement that you feel has been broken.

It's understandable to not want to talk to someone when you are upset with them - is this why you told him not to contact you? This may seem really obvious, but do you plan to let him know at some point soon that you are angry with him, and why? It's really important to both me and my boyfriend that if one of us is pissed off at the other, we have a conversation about it in order to hopefully avoid the same situation arising in future.

I hope this is somewhat helpful

Posted by Nethers (Member # 46456) on :
Well yes he knows that I was angry. I told him that I was tired of spending time with him only on his time.

And he got mad. I don't know if that was the right thing to say. :\
Posted by rosegeranium (Member # 29128) on :
Sorry Nethers, my response was probably pretty irrelevant then. I'm sorry he reacted that way. Can I ask what you wanted the result to be? Did you want him to understand where you were coming from/the two of you to have a conversation about when you spend time together?

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