Last Saturday, I had a pretty big falling out with some friends. To sum things up, I have an alcoholic father and that has really messed up my emotional system. Nevertheless, a few of my friends got absolutely wasted, after I made a few direct and indirect protests. E.g.: I told one of them that I would be seriously disappointed if he got to a point where he needed to throw up, after which I heard him say to another friend "I think I'm going to disappoint her" and consequently puked twice. Plus, the other two were pressuring both me and the one who was puking to drink, and I told them to STOP pressuring, and they just laughed. By the end of the night, after they almost accidentally put a piece of broken glass into my puking best friend's shot, I called it a night, tried to sleep but couldn't. At first, when they were just tipsy but not overboard, I was having fun, but when they got to a point where they weren't articulating anymore, I couldn't take it.
At 5 am, I woke up before anyone else, took a shower, left them a pretty harsh letter telling them how I felt (but didn't say anything that was not true), walked to the entrance of his condo and from there took a cab to my boyfriend's house. They were, apparently, furious. They said I seriously overreacted, that I owe them an apology, that I really needed to grow up, that I need to stop reminding them of my dad every time I see them (which...I don't think I do), and that they're sick of having to tiptoe around me all the time. I guess I was stupid to think I'd found unconditional friends... I'm not that special after all, am I. Would have been too selfish of me to think that they'd always take me into consideration.
Thing is, I can't think of anything I need to apologize for, besides telling them in the letter that I had walked to my boyfriend's house (there's a highway between those two places, so naturally they freaked out) (even though one of them was even awake to see me leave and tell my father in law that I was catching a cab). I don't know if I really did overreact. All I know was that I wasn't going to sit around and watch them keep drinking. Several people already have told me that I need to stop letting these kind of things affect me so much, but I don't know how to. I've tried not crying when I feel like it and all I get is a feeling like goosebumps on my heart. And I can't control my panic attacks, and I sure as hell don't choose to have them.
I just want some thoughts, really.
Posted by ookuotoe (Member # 5375) on :
Unfortunately my first thought is you need better friends. Their behavior was dangerous and rude. Nearly putting glass into a friend's drink? Pressuring friends to drink? That's not acceptable and I'd have wanted out of there too.
If this is what happens every time they drink I don't think you're going to want to be around them for that at all, even if they only plan to get tipsy. Even the best of friends don't do everything together; they are not special enough to be exceptions.
I'm sorry you had such a tough night. If you do want to mend these relationships, try talking to them in person after you've all had time to cool off and gain perspective. Hopefully their initial reaction was more about feeling defensive than about their real feelings.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.