This is topic is this an appropriate punishment? in forum Relationships at Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive).

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Posted by papou_fruit (Member # 15399) on :
Hi, recently my parents found out that I skipped a day of school and called myself falsely in because I wanted to go and settle a work negotiation at my new job.
I'm a 17 year old girl in my senior year at high school, and I'd much rather get money for college and other after-school expenses as soon as possible and just take a day off from school for it.
I am getting passing grades and I am not a bad student in high school. It was almost sort of like a really quick thing when I called myself in, and I wanted to take matters into my own hands...but I know my parents wouldn't agree with it.
I needed to notify my work as soon as possible because there was only a certain time of the day the manager I needed to talk to was available and that was during the school day.
My parents in my opinion really really spoil and baby me. For college, they say they will pay for my tuition, car, and housing as long as I make the choices that they think are right for me...but there are so very few, and I don't really want to do them because I don't think it's right for my future. But they think it's right for me. My mother has given me my first and only car, yet she threatens to take it away on numerous occassions if I don't agree to do certain things from not doing the dishes on time to not keeping it clean, but she pays for the insurance, tabs, and car problems, and I only pay for gas.
Going back to the subject of skipping that day of school, first they lectured me, then told me only f*** ups skip school, and I quote "Like your friends" living in so and so. Which really made me angry because they have a hard time dealing with after school college and cars because they're financially troubled. Then afterwards, they kept rubbing it in my face saying "Hi there truent girl" or randomnly saying "I'm not the one whose skipping school" and saying some real harsh words after that. It only happened once...and now they're going on and on about me betraying their trust, then grounded me for the rest of this month...which seems like a childish punishment. I don't know if I really should absorb all of this and be ashamed.
What really troubles me the most is I have a boyfriend who I love who I see atleast once a week...but if I'm grounded, I don't know. I don't believe they'll understand.

Thank you for your responses.

Posted by LilBlueSmurf (Member # 1207) on :
While you may believe this is a childish and/or inappropriate punishment, you know that what you did was wrong. You've betrayed their trust and they're angry.

As to whether it is actually 'fair', i don't know. I think that in doing what you did, knowing that it was wrong and choosing to do it anyway, you really have just have to take whatever they're giving, at this point. You could try to negotiate with them, but i know this never worked w/ my parents.

I think the best thing you can do right now is acknowledge that you were wrong, apologize and tell them that it'll never happen again.

It sucks that you won't get to see your boyfriend, but i'm sure he'll understand.

Posted by papou_fruit (Member # 15399) on :
Yeah, I know it was wrong, and I've apologized and made it very clear that I shouldn't, and their response REALLY hurt my feelings and it made me cry really badly.
It's not the fact that they made me cry, because I know it was my fault for getting into this mess in the first place.
But I really don't think it's okay with continuous "rubbing it in my face" and mocking me when they know I'll burst into tears.

It's almost like when you were in elementary school, and some kid took your toys and kept going "NYAH NYAH" in your face...

Posted by LilBlueSmurf (Member # 1207) on :
Right ... I don't think that is at all appropriate, and you should tell them as much. Tell them that while you understand they're hurt and angry, them making you feel like this *after the fact* certainly isn't helping.
Posted by papou_fruit (Member # 15399) on :
Yeah, but they still sort of trail on after that where I shouldn't of done it in the first place again...
I just want them to subliminly know that someday I'll have to be responsible for my own mistakes because in less than 9 months I'll be 18 and I'll be an adult.
I think my mother is sort of going through the "empty nest syndrome" because it seems like she doesn't want me to grow up and leave.
I'm her only daughter, the youngest of three older brothers, and I'm adopted.

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