This is topic OUCH!!! in forum Sex Basics and Sexual Health at Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive).

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Posted by Sachan (Member # 26275) on :
So I just started having sex for the first time with my boyfriend about two weeks ago... and it never stopped hurting.
He's fairly large (at least in my estimation), and the first time we tried we couldn't get more than an inch of his penis in.
The next time I tried to be more relaxed and we used a LOT of lube, and it worked better... but hurt a lot more than I imagined.

Since then, it hasn't stopped hurting. I keep expecting it to get better, but it hasn't. We've tried more foreplay, lube, going slow, different positions... and it's just pain, pain, pain.
I went to my doctor, who said that I probably had a UTI and gave me antibiotics. He said that was why it hurt, but when he gave me an exam he said he felt part of my hymen still intact.
His advice was just to have a lot of sex and maybe try to "stretch myself out" with that or masturbation.

I'm not really sure what to do... I don't know if the pain is from my hymen still being there and if I should just grit my teeth and deal with the pain until it wears down from sex or what.

Sorry, this was the longest post EVER, I'm just hoping someone can help!
Thank you so much for reading -- if you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!

Posted by Heather (Member # 3) on :
I think you need a better gynecologist who won't give you such outmoded information.

The hymen -- when it is present -- is JUST BARELY inside the vaginal opening, attached JUST behind the sides of that opening. You can see for yourself by yourself with a hand mirror.

IF part of the hymen is still present, it will stretch over time, no problem. And a partial hymen should not be causing so much pain. At this point, anticipating the pain is likely the biggest culprit.

What I'd suggest instead?

- Give yourselves a break from "trying." Do other sexual activities instead for a while, and when things like manual sex with a couple fingers starts feeling really good, then start thinking about intercourse again.
- When you ARE there, try having an orgasm first, before intercourse. That'll not only assure your muscles are seriously relaxed, you'll be aroused and the enorphins are a natural helper with any discomfort.

And do get a bonafide gynecologist.

Posted by Sachan (Member # 26275) on :
Heh, I really wasn't a fan of the doctor I saw... my usual gynecologist was out of town so I just made an appointment with someone else.

Good to hear that I shouldn't just "have sex until it stops hurting," because that didn't sound like a fun plan for me.

I think putting off more intercourse for awhile sounds like a good plan... my boyfriend has been very, very understanding and sensitive about this whole situation so he should be just fine with that.

Thank you so much for your advice!!

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