About a week ago, maybe two, I went to the counseling center at my college at the urging of my girlfriend. I was there for about an hour, and it was really great to get the validation that yes, my family really is bad for me, and yes, that was an abusive relationship and it's a good thing I'm not around them, and no, I'm not just exaggerating everything.
The therapist I saw suggested setting up further appointments, seeing someone on a regular basis. My problem is...I don't actually understand what the point of therapy actually is. I feel like if I'd been able to get therapy while I was still with my family and in that abusive situation, it would have been extremely helpful, but...I mean, I'm not around them. They still communicate with me, and I still dread contact with them and get a horrible lump in my chest just typing this, at the thought of being around them again, but I'm not really around them.
My girlfriend sees a counselor on an ongoing basis, but that's because she still struggles with an eating disorder and depression. From my viewpoint, it makes sense to keep talking to someone for that...but...it's harder to justify me going to someone, even though I'm depressed and anxious and scared of everything. I've never cut, and while I used to scratch myself with my fingernails, I haven't done that in months, because I know that if my girlfriend ever saw scars on me, it'd trigger her, and I'm not going to do that.
Is it okay to go see a counselor even though I'm functional? I can get through day to day life. I break down in tears sometimes, and I have times when I don't like myself at all, but...I can get through life. Is it okay to go see a counselor even if the only reason I can think of for going is so I can just cry to someone? I feel like...I don't know...they're going to be angry at me because I can function, and I don't actually need counseling. Or I need a better goal than "not crying on my girlfriend's shoulder and triggering her". I just...yeah.
And yes, I realize that most of this is my brain lying to me and coming up with ridiculous fears and that this post is literally why I should go. That doesn't actually help.
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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Might it help to remember that a therapist recommended more therapy? It's doubtful that they would have recommended this unless they really thought that therapy was something that would make a difference for you.
While you might do a lot of crying in the therapist's office, you'll be there to do work, so the therapist will help you, after letting you get the tears out, find ways of coping with the parts of your life that have been and currently are making things hard for you.
You could even let the therapist you're assigned to know, in your first session with them, that you're having these doubts and fear they won't think your concerns are important enough. That way, you can get their response to that right off the bat, without having to continue wondering.
Functioning is about a lot more than having control over one's eating, sleeping, and everyday life. It sounds, from what you've described here, like you're hurting a lot right now.
How does this all sound?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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