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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » CP and a sexual life: A very long story

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Author Topic: CP and a sexual life: A very long story
funnilyenough
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(Hey guys! I know its been a long time since ive posted, but I need some feedback. I aplogise since this will be long.)

My boyfriend of a year and some months and I have been trying to have vaginal sex on and off for a little over 8 months with no success. We have tried everything from extra lube to soft music to just rubbing his condom covered penis on my vagina. Nothing has caused it to open up enough to be able to insert. I'm going to give a little background to try to explain this.

I'm a 20 year old, primarily wheelchair bound Spastic CP disabled college student with a able bodied BF. We have a varied and awesome sex life with clothes on or off. I have good self esteem and masturbate fairly frequently with the aid of a toy. I have pleasurable dry, oral, and manual sex with my BF
but as soon as the clothes come off and the condom comes on, it starts to get painful. We both really want the sex when we have it, so I only have two reasons why this may not be working:

One: I have had awful experiences with OB-GYNs in my area. One that I went to got so frustrated with the fact that she could not get the Q-tip inside me that she quipped "If I cant get my fingers in here, how in the world are you going to have children?" Another suggested that I should be IV sadated for any pelvic exams to minimize pain to myself. To be fair these OBs only frame of reference is when I was severely sick with PID, so that could have narrowed their views, but those comments hurt and have caused me to stay away from touching myself sexually with anything but my toy, which I only use externally. (The toy is always cleaned). I have not touched myself with my hand in months. When I try, my BF says I tense up and close.

Two: I get infections VERY easily. Just two weeks ago I finished up a 14 day pill cycle for yeast. I have tried everything and the only thing that seems to work is going to bathroom frequently and drinking yougurt everyday. I dont know how long this fix will last. I get infections EVERY 6 months.

So, with all this in mind: what do you guys suggest? My BF says that even when I feel aroused, all that opens is the outer flaps, If anything touches the inner flaps I feel like im on fire. The only time he says I have really opened up is just when I was daydreaming, not really being sexual at all.

[ 02-27-2013, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: funnilyenough ]

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Heather
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Hey there, funnilyenough. Sorry for the wait.

I'm sorry to hear about your crummy experiences with OB/GYNs. I'm wondering what your access to healthcare is like: do you have the ability and option of choosing your own GYN? If so, have you tried screening GYNs to seek out one specifically who has current education when it comes to sexuality, specifically, as well as with vulvovaginal pain AND disability?

I suspect the business with getting yeast as often as you do probably has something to do with something you can't change, the time you spend in your chair. But I'm also wondering if anyone has ever evaluated those infections to try and see if they couldn't find some things you COULD change that might make them less likely, like dietary changes?

Ultimately, until you have a healthcare provider that can make some progress evaluating the pain you're having with any vaginal entry and have some analysis about WHY it's happening, I'm not sure how we could start helping you with it here. It sounds like you've already tried all the things that should help someone without a pain condition that probably needs medical treatment of some kind.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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funnilyenough
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Thanks for responding Heather!


I am seeing a new OBGYN in a month, so I will post any results and changes after the appointment. I do have the ability to pick almost any OBGYN, BUT distance is a problem. Anything more than 15 minutes away from college has to be scheduled more than 3 weeks in advance in order to coordinate getting a ride.

But, just to be clear, the inner labia should open easily if I am aroused, right?

[ 02-27-2013, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: funnilyenough ]

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Heather
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Per the labia, they're not going to just "open" by themselves. In other words, there's nothing about arousal that causes the labia to move.

What happens to and related to the inner labia with arousal is most typically that they become more engorged with blood, and so may look or feel bigger of fuller. The vagina and vulva also typically lubricate some, which should make it more comfortable when they get moved around.

But it sounds like you or your partner have the idea that the inner labia are fused together when not aroused, and then move apart when they are, and neither of those things are...well, really a thing. same goes with them as something that "opens."

But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're asking?

I understand the extra challenges with transport when you're in a chair.

If you don't mind me asking, since I'm wondering if this is related, did your healthcare providers ever have any notion of how you developed PID?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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funnilyenough
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OK, thanks for the answer to the labia question. I wasnt really sure about the answer to that.

The short answer to the PID question is no. Basically after about 2 months on the BCP Seasonique i got the symptom of robins egg blue discharge.At about month three my vagina started to swell constantly... to the point where it was painful
I went to the Nurse Practitioner on campus and got diagnosed with yeast and was sent home with a one time use pill. It didnt help. a week to two weeks after the vaginal swelling got to the point where i could not sit. I went to the nurse again....they tried to do a pevic exam, but my vagina was so swollen it could not be done.... then it was off to the ER.... the doctor on staff had to give me a muscle relaxant because i was in so much pain and tensing so badly. they didnt know what was going on so they put me on the pills course of PID: 5-6 pills given at the hospital plus taking Flagyl for 14 days.... I got so many side effects from those pills that I was put on Flagyl for 14 days almost directly after that because I got yeast.

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Karybu
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Blue discharge isn't consistent at all with yeast - did the nurse practitioner run any tests at all, or just treat you for yeast without an exam?

I'd explain all of this to your new OB-GYN when you see them. It could be that you've still got some underlying infection that hasn't been treated, along with the recurring yeast. In the meantime, it would probably be a good idea to take a break from sex of any kind, just to make sure that your vulva and vagina aren't irritated any further.

[ 02-28-2013, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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funnilyenough
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The whole issue with PID happened about two years ago.

Since then Ive been clear: no swelling, no changes in color of discharge, other than yeast Ive been fairly healthy down there.

Yes, the nurse didnt run tests...but my first GYN did and determined it was something that could be cured by Flaygl.

Oh and thanks guys for listening to all of this...I know it can get complicated [Smile]

[ 03-01-2013, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: funnilyenough ]

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Robin Lee
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We never mind listening. [Smile] we know these are important things, and that not a lot of folks out there will listen.

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Robin

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sunnyday
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funnilyenough,
I'm in my 20s with spastic CP in all four limbs. I too have had problems with infections and with GYN exams. I have some anxiety around eventual intercourse, etc. If I can answer questions or help in any way, please don't hesitate to post again!

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funnilyenough
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Hey sunnyday!

I would be happy to hear from you! The main question I have is how you got through the GYN exams? Ive been through 3 now and they all were painful. Any tips would be greatly appreciated! [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey there, funnilyenough.

besides whatever tips sunnyday might have to offer you, can I ask if the GYN (or GYNs) you have been seeing have seemed to you -- perhaps through asking them about it in advance -- to be doctors with experience and education about making adaptations for patients who experience pain with exams?

If not, then I can tell you that, if you have options per choosing providers, one thing you can do which will likely make a huge difference is to screen GYNs in advance,making clear you have experienced pain with exams and asking them about their approach to that. Someone with some good experience there will be able to talk with you in depth about it and tell you what strategies/approaches they'd employ with you to help avoid or manage any pain or discomfort.

Someone who doesn't seem to have any answer to that, who seems flippant or dismissive, or whose answers seem pat? Probably not a GYN to pick.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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funnilyenough
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Well Im hoping that with this newest GYN appointment coming up soon that Ive found the right one. She seems to have experience with disabled patients and pain issues when I talked to her office on the phone, but we will see.

Also, I'm fairly happy to announce that when my partner and I tried intercourse about a week ago, he was able to penetrate to about a fourth or way in with very little pain...it actually felt pretty good [Smile]

[ 03-13-2013, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: funnilyenough ]

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Robin Lee
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HI funnilyenough,

I'm just checking in to see how things are going. How did the gyn appointment go?

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Robin

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