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Author Topic: First meeting of the girlfriends?
redcatmonster
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Member # 90518

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Hi, 20-yr old female here.

I posted this topic a little while back: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/9/t/001670.html

Obviously the meeting wasn't an entirely positive experience, and soon after I posted that, my relationship with B ended. While in retrospect it was probably for the best, it still hurt and I don't want to have to repeat that sort of situation.

The thing is, now the tables have turned. My boyfriend, A, has been in another relationship with another woman (I'll call her C) for roughly the same amount of time as he's been seeing me. I have always been aware of this, and the idea of him being with C has never directly bothered me. At the start of both relationships, C was, from what I heard from A, not interested in meeting her partner's partners, so I assumed I would probably never meet her, and I was okay with that, because things weren't that serious anyway.

After a year and half with A, we are definitely in a "serious relationship." And so I've been feeling weird about never having met C, because she's an important part of A's life, and I'd like to at least know who he's with when he's with her. C has apparently been feeling the same way, and a week or two ago she passed a note from A to me, saying she'd like to meet and providing her contact info.

We've been corresponding via email and have set up to meet for coffee (without A) this week. While at first I felt excited, as the date has drawn closer I've felt the anxiety increasing, because I'm worried that the same thing that doomed B and I's relationship in my other post will happen to me and A.

I've never felt like I've been kidding myself about the nature of our relationship - I've openly dated other people while A and I have been together, and I've never felt an unmanageable amount of jealousy when A would see other people or tell me about C, but I can't know for sure if I've been deluding myself until that illusion is broken, at which point it will be too late.

I've talked this over with A, and he is of course very supportive, and says that no matter what happens he only wants me to be happy (if my happiness requires the end of our relationship, then that sucks, but so be it.) I know that A and I's relationship is a whole lot stronger than B and I's ever was, but I can't quite shake the worry that this meeting is going to change things.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Has it changed things for the better?

Posts: 21 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI redcatmonster,

Sounds like this is an intimidating situation for you. I can certainly understand how it would feel scary considering how badly things went with B, but I think it could help to remember that these are different relationships and different people. Furthermore, even if your meeting with C is awkward in any way, that doesn't signal an end to anything.

I'm wondering though if it might take some of the pressure off to include A in this coffee date. Then it would be more like A introducing you to his friend and helping the two of you getting to know each other than like the "meeting of the girlfriends" which sounds like it might be superloaded for you. What do you think?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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