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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I'm scared that I have gonorrhea from a past sexual assault.

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Author Topic: I'm scared that I have gonorrhea from a past sexual assault.
pinkcat435
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I don't want to get too in depth because this is very upsetting, but when I was 13, I was involved with a mentally and emotionally abusive guy. He gaslighted me, made fun of my body, verbally abused me, and sometimes mildly physically abused me. Anyway, this abusive guy, let's call him Guy A. Guy A would always want to force me into uncomfortable sexual situations. Like ones where I could get caught in when my parents were home or otherwise. He would put his hands down my pants at movie theaters. He pulled me into a closet in my room when we were hanging out with other friends and convinced me to perform oral sex on him. He would literally make me feel like I was going insane. He would do mean things, and then when I accused him of it, he would accuse me of doing the same things! To the point where I started to believe I was going entirely insane. I started cutting and became suicidal. He would always force sexual contact one me. He was 15 or 16 and I was 13/14 at the time.


Anyway, the other week, I almost had sex with a guy that I have feelings for. Let's call him guy B. I am 17 now. Guy B gave me oral sex, and I did the same for him. We were high off of marijuana (Please don't judge me), and I know the line of consent can be fuzzy here, but it was consensual and I was okay with and am still okay with the acts themselves. We were both extremely high. Anyway, he has a girlfriend. I know, awesome. Anyway, he tried to penetrate me. He couldn't even get the head in. My muscles were so tense. I flinched and he stopped. I told him to try with his fingers. He did. It still hurt. I told him to try PIV sex again. He did, and this time got the head in barely. I flinched again, and he told me that he couldn't keep going if it hurt me that badly. I think I have vaginismus and am very emotionally distraught about that.. Later that night, I gave him oral and gave him an orgasm. No condoms were used.


Anyway, today he contacted me and told me that he is experiencing symptoms of gonorrhea and asked if I have had any other sexual partners. I told him, that yes, if my assault counts. He asked me if it would be okay for him to tell his girlfriend (who he actually thinks he's going to marry someday, pffft yeah RIGHT) that we had fallen half asleep and that I had given him oral sex for maybe 5 seconds then stopped because it was a mistake. He did not want to tell her the truth, because he is afraid she'll break up with him. He said that if he told her that I was assaulted, that since she is a feminist, that she wouldn't tell anyone and would just feel bad for me that I was raped. I feel uneasy about this.. I know that he thinks she is a nice person, but I don't really know if she'd actually keep it to herself or not. I know he is trying to save a relationship, and he is doing what I would do in his situation, but it still seriously sucks for both of us, especially me. He said if I can have test results by the end of the week then he will hold off on telling her anything.


I am just so scared that I may have to tell my mother about his in order to get tested. Can I get tested for STDs while on my period..? I think I do have a clinic in town that will test teens without them having to bring their parents. I think I may also try to get tested for pregnancy.. If I have actually had gonorrhea for 4 years.. What if it has destroyed my reproductive organs and made me infertile? [Frown] So many horrid things buzzing around in my head. I am panicking so bad, but am trying really hard to stay rational.

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-pinkcat435

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Robin Lee
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Hi PinkCat435,

First of all, unless your friend has seen a doctor, he cannot accurately diagnose himself with gonorrhea or anything else. So, if he talks to you again about this, instead of talking about what he should say to his girlfriend, it's important to talk instead about him going to the doctor if he's having physical symptoms that concern him.

Here's some information on gonorrhea. You might find it helpful to have the facts.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/infection/the_sti_files_gonorrhea

In terms of finding a clinic, many places do have clinics teens can go to without their parents' knowledge. If you can provide your zipcode, either here or by email to robin at scarleteen dogt com, we can help you see if there is a clinic in your area.

Have you been able to get any professional support around the abuse you experienced? I think you mentioned in your other post that you were seeing a psychologist. Does your psychologist know about this?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pinkcat435
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin Lee:
Hi PinkCat435,

First of all, unless your friend has seen a doctor, he cannot accurately diagnose himself with gonorrhea or anything else. So, if he talks to you again about this, instead of talking about what he should say to his girlfriend, it's important to talk instead about him going to the doctor if he's having physical symptoms that concern him.

Here's some information on gonorrhea. You might find it helpful to have the facts.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/infection/the_sti_files_gonorrhea

In terms of finding a clinic, many places do have clinics teens can go to without their parents' knowledge. If you can provide your zipcode, either here or by email to robin at scarleteen dogt com, we can help you see if there is a clinic in your area.

Have you been able to get any professional support around the abuse you experienced? I think you mentioned in your other post that you were seeing a psychologist. Does your psychologist know about this?

He has gotten tested and is waiting for his results.


Your email is robin @ scarleteen(.)com? Okay, I will email the zipcode.


No, because I have actually suppressed it for a long time. But I will bring it up to my psychologist.

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-pinkcat435

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Robin Lee
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Well, I understand that you already decided with one of our volunteers that you would call the health department, so it sounds like I don't need to look for clinics for you since you already have a resource. [Smile]

When do you see your psychologist next?

Right now, in terms of whatever is going on with this guy, all he, and you, can do is wait for results.

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Robin

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pinkcat435
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Yes, my only worry is that it will show up on the insurance card.. I am very afraid of that. Also, someone said that I need my Social Security Card, and for WHO KNOWS what reason.. My mom has that in the vault and is acting really weird about giving it to me.. I need it by tomorrow!


I will be seeing her on Thursday.

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-pinkcat435

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Robin Lee
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Well, when you call the health department, you can share these concerns with them, and they can tell you what information you will need and whether they can serve you in a way that will ensure your privacy. so, you'll call them and ask them these questions?

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Robin

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pinkcat435
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Member # 106592

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quote:
Originally posted by Robin Lee:
Well, when you call the health department, you can share these concerns with them, and they can tell you what information you will need and whether they can serve you in a way that will ensure your privacy. so, you'll call them and ask them these questions?

Alright, will do. This blows! My birthday is on Wednesday, and I may end up getting an STI test on my birthday.. [Frown] Not fun at all. Yeah, I will call them tomorrow morning at 8 AM. I am just seriously hoping that I don't have an STI. I can't believe I could have been carrying it for nearly 5 years..

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-pinkcat435

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, you might not, especially at this stage of the game. And considering this guy has had concurrent partners without safer sex measures -- and this time with you may not be the first time -- even if HE has an STI, it may have nothing to do with you, particularly given the timing here.

(However, if he does, it may be that NOW you were exposed to something, versus five years ago, so testing either way is a smart move: later on, we can talk about safer sex to reduce your risks in sexual interactions moving forward if you like and don't know how to do that.)

And for sure: I think even for those of us who feel great about testing, we can agree it's not the best way to spend a birthday. [Frown] On the other hand, starting a new year of life knowing your status can be an awfully good thing.

quote:
He asked me if it would be okay for him to tell his girlfriend (who he actually thinks he's going to marry someday, pffft yeah RIGHT) that we had fallen half asleep and that I had given him oral sex for maybe 5 seconds then stopped because it was a mistake. He did not want to tell her the truth, because he is afraid she'll break up with him. He said that if he told her that I was assaulted, that since she is a feminist, that she wouldn't tell anyone and would just feel bad for me that I was raped. I feel uneasy about this.. I know that he thinks she is a nice person, but I don't really know if she'd actually keep it to herself or not. I know he is trying to save a relationship, and he is doing what I would do in his situation, but it still seriously sucks for both of us, especially me. He said if I can have test results by the end of the week then he will hold off on telling her anything.
Personally, I think using your assault as an excuse here is beyond crappy. Mind, you have no control over what this guy does or doesn't tell his girlfriend, but personally, even this whole conversation and approach would, for me, be an easy exit route. In other words, if someone was saying things like this to me, I'd be cutting off contact with them, not continuing to be involved with them in any way, whatsoever. They'd be out the door, every door, for good. I mean, it sounds like he's basically not respecting the basic humanity of either you OR his girlfriend here and is looking to use things where you both are vulnerable so he doesn't have to be a grownup and take responsibility for his own choices.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(Also, just FYI, our user registration guidelines ask users explicitly not to post about any illegal activity, which is mostly about protecting you. So, moving forward, do yourself a solid and please don't post here about illegal drug use, because this is a public forum and you can be setting yourself up to get in trouble that way.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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