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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » hit rock bottom

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Author Topic: hit rock bottom
Cherylcakes
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tonite, I feel so emotionally low, so many thoughts going round right now. any coping strategies? just looking for someone to reach out to.
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Alice
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Hey Cherylcakes, I'm not familiar with your posting history, but do you want to elaborate on that?

What is your in-person support network like?

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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I feel disappointed in myself, scared, powerless. genital contact, no penetration, no ejaculation and EC. I am so terrified I thought really horrible things this evening.

no one I can really talk to tonite, my family wouldn't understand.

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Alice
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Ok, I'm skimming your history of posts here and noting a lot of anxiety about perhaps viable and not-viable pregnancy risks.

Have you followed through on any care for that? For instance, seeing a counselor or talking to a doctor?

For self-care ideas for the here and right now -- what do you like to do at home? Do you like to read for pleasure? Watch movies? Listen to music and dance?

Or, do you like to write? Do you have any penpals? You could even write letters for future-you. Maybe a little sappy, but could be fun!

[ 12-27-2012, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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I am planning to make an appointment with my doctor soon, perhaps tomorrow.
I have actually thought about writing a letter to my future self, to be opened and read when all this has blown over [Smile]

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Alice
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I know that when you have anxiety about it, even taking that step to make an appointment about it can be pretty hard. Personally, I make deals with myself. For instance, I'd say, tomorrow I will call and make that appointment before noon, then after I make the appointment I'm going to _fill in the blank on something fun or nice for you to do_.

That sounds like a good idea. [Smile] Once you feel better and everything is fine, you might be surprised to read how strong the despair felt at this time.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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but it is going to take a long time for everything to be fine. especially if I need an abortion soon and people I love cannot handle this anxiety I have.
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Alice
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From reading your history, it looks like, unless I'm missing something, you were told that you had much more of an STI risk than a viable pregnancy risk. So why do you feel you may need an abortion soon?

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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because I might. but even a nurse at my local nhs walk in clinic said it was unlikely that I could get pregnant. but I have spent my whole evening, which should have been revising for my jan exams, looking up abortion advice and support. and now I feel tired and drained and want to just run away.

[ 12-27-2012, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Cherylcakes ]

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Alice
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Okay, so I'm definitely going to suggest that you take a break from abortion research. I would imagine that after obsessing about it for a bit, you have a basic education on how it all works. No need to delve further unless or until it's actually a real issue in your life.

I can relate to being distracted from studying for exams. What are your studying habits like? As in - do you make flashcards, do you just do reading, etc?

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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revision cards. I only have one exam, but I cannot focus on anything right now. I want help. I want someone to wrap their arms around me.
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Alice
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When is your next exam?

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Cherylcakes
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18th jan.
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Robin Lee
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Hey Cherylcakes,

Were you able to call your doctor and schedule an appointment?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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yes, and i went.
what a waste of time- i was told, in these exact words, that counselling was only beneficial " when you are in a better place."
the conversation kept swaying into the realms of depression, with lots of questions such as "how are you sleeping?" "i am sleeping fine. i am not depressed.I AM ANXIOUS. ALL THE TIME. SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT." i so felt like saying this [Frown]
she also mentioned prescribing anti depressants- im having none of that.
so angry right now.
in the end, she did refer me to this counselling thing, although one look at the website tells me it is a further middle man between now and getting help [Frown]

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Heather
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Can I ask why you aren't interested in trying medication?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Cherylcakes
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because surely I should be working through my anxiety myself instead of using medication to control it- im scared that they will not take effect/ cause my problems to get worse/ make me feel awful when I want to come off them.
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Robin Lee
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Sometimes medication is what we need to be able to work on problems. Let's take a physical example: high cholesterol. When someone is diagnosed with high cholesterol, there are a few treatment options. They can opt to work on bringing the levels down through changes in what they eat. For some people, that works really well; for others, it's just not enough. So, then they go to taking medication, but they still need to work on modifying their diet and overall lifestyle, because the medication all by itself isn't going to do much in the long-run, or they're going to need to take higher and higher doses of it in order for it to help.

The same is true of psychological difficulties like depression and anxiety. My understanding of the research is that in cases where medication has been needed, it's been a combination of meds and talk therapy that has worked best for clients. So, it's not just about the medication, but about the medication helpilng a person to get to a place where they can fully participate in therapy.

Do you feel like you've been working on the anxiety effectively so far? That is, has what you've been doing so far been helping reduce the anxiety?

It's also worth mentioning that some antidepressants are used to treat anxiety, so they're sometimes prescribed to people who don't necessarily show depressive symptoms
.


Did you express your reservations about medication to the person you saw? She would be the best one to ask such questions as "what if it doesn't work?" and "How will I feel when I stop taking it?"

and

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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i have been doing absolutely nothing as far as managing it goes, just embracing it. [Smile]

I did not tell her about my reservations, and am not sure if I want to go back, I really didn't like her.

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Robin Lee
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How has embracing it been working for you?

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Robin

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eryn_smiles
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Also, since you didn't have a good experience with that doctor, is it a possibility for you to consult a different one?

What kind of in-person support do you have while waiting for counselling. You mentioned above about wanting someone to wrap their arms around you. Could you ask a family member, friend or your partner for a hug? You don't necessarily need to tell them about your pregnancy fears if you don't feel comfortable. People can feel anxious/need support for all sorts of reasons.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Robin Lee
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HI Cherylcakes,

I've been thinking about what you said above, that you've been embracing your anxiety, and I think that's actually a very apt way to describe what's been happening over the past weeks and months.

Sometimes, even though we don't like the feelings that we're having, the idea of things changing is really scary and uncomfortable, so we hold on to those feelings and experiences and even put ourselves into situations and around people that will reinforce the unpleasant feelings. I think we can agree that you've been doing some of that, with, among other things, engaging in sexual activity that you know triggers your panic.

I'm wondering if the anger you were feeling towards the healthcare professional you saw the other day was about the idea that she was suggesting something that would make things change.

The tendency to feel comfortable in an emotional space which people find unpleasant and traumatic can also explain why someone would be angry and resentful towards people who suggest things that can make changes.

The reality is that working to alleviate anxiety is a process, and embracing that anxiety isn't likely to be beneficial to that process.

It's absolutely okay if this is where you are right now, just know that going through counselling and implementing strategies that counsellors and other support people give you isn't likely to be helpful until or unless you decide that you're no longer going to embrace the anxiety. Certainly, you can accept that it's happening, but in order to also create changes it's important, perhaps even necessary, to embrace the idea of change.

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Robin

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