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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » troubles

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Author Topic: troubles
Member # 95378

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Hello again,
I am back with new year I have actually talked about part of this new problem last year...about making friends. I have always, since college had a tough time making friends, mainly because I'm kind of not into the whole college sterotypicall scene. However since I transfered to a new school since last year august, I have joined a few clubs and am very active and have meet quite a number of people, more than I did at my last school which has definently been an improvement. I mean I can definently say that I am more open, that is I can speak a little bit more comfortable around strangers and in group meetings. and also not that shy about attending social gatherings although I still tend to avoid ones that are less educational or not geared toward school work. Needless to say the only kinda of friends ive really made are study buddies or people I only really talk to during club meetings. And the main people, as of last semsester, that i was kinda comfortable talking to have left the school. So now I kinda of feel myself back at square one, new and very alone. I have no friends that i can call and say lets have lunch or lets hang out. I don't even like getting food at the school cafeteria of food joints because I hate to be seen alone or as a weirdo or as someone who has no friends. Its very depressing. I know people always say, "make new friends" but for me its not as easy as it sounds. I feel like trying would make me look as if i am trying too hard. My mom has been calling me, telling me that shes worried about me not having friends and being bored all the time which is true. and I hate that is true because I really hate it when she is worried about me. I wish the solution was as easy as her telling me to make sure I get good grades ins chool because that I know I have total control over, making friends on the other hand, I dont.

Posts: 13 | From: scotland | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2297

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Hi [Smile]

Well you're obviously going to have to make some effort to make friends. Unfortunately there isn't some magical wand we can wave that will appear the perfect posse of pals into our lives [Smile]

I think continuing with the club activities is good - perhaps you can take on the role of welcoming new members, since you've obviously been around the clubs for a while now. They're probably feeling just as nervous as you and would be happy to have a friendly face.

I think it would help you to not be so self conscious about talking to people. If you didn't build it up as "trying too hard", and saw it as just something every day, you might have an easier time of it. If you could try to say hello to one person every day, and try and have a short conversation with them, I think you'll feel a sense of achievement and it won't seem such a daunting thing anymore. How does that sound?


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 106280

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Hey there.

I can imagine what you're going through, because there have been times when I have felt lonely and that I don't have great friends. Last year I started staying in a university away from home, so naturally there was a pressure of fitting in. Also even I have my mom telling me constantly to find a good friend, especially when I was having a rough patch a month ago.

But believe me, it's harder when you're trying to get friends. I tried to find friends and I didn't. But once I stopped trying, it was surprisingly how I found great friends around.

So just be yourself, don't try or think along the lines of 'i have to find friends'. And most importantly, don't judge people around and let that stop from them becoming your friend, because you might miss out on a really good friendship that way.

Oh and maybe, you can take the initiative of asking someone to hang out with you, sit in the cafeteria with you instead of waiting for someone to approach you as a friend.

Posts: 4 | From: america | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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