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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Lost virginity...having doubts

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Author Topic: Lost virginity...having doubts
Jessyork1996
Neophyte
Member # 100535

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Last night, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of two years. I had always thought that sex wasn't supposed to happen until after marriage, which is why I waited so long to begin with. I was sure that I was going to feel different after I did, or that I'd hate myself...but that's not how I feel. I feel almost relieved...I don't feel guilty about doing it or feel like a bad person, which is the complete opposite of what I've grown up believing. I'm just really confused...I'm a Christian and should feel guilty about having sex, but I don't. What's wrong with me?...
Posts: 9 | From: Buffalo, MO | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

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Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean you should feel guilty about having sex! Most people (of all religions) have sex before marriage. People also can grow up and come to their own understandings of what is right or wrong, or what their religion proclaims on these subjects - so you might just be finding that you don't agree with what was taught to you. There are plenty of Christians who don't think sex is bad, Christianity is not monolithic.

Edited to add:
Here is a nice article by a young Christian that I think you might like:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/words/its_between_god_and_me

[ 11-20-2012, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: Kachina ]

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Can I ask why you think you should feel guilty?

I ask because, like with Kachina, I don't see that just being a Christian explains the why of that, especially given that premarital sex really isn't something in the Bible listed as the giant no-no a lot of people who haven't read it tend to think it is.

Is this something your particular church or denomination says is not okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jessyork1996
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Well I come from a very conservative church and household...and I myself am quite conservative. I've been raised all my life to believe that sex should only be between a married man and woman...so that's why I feel guilty.
Posts: 9 | From: Buffalo, MO | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jessyork1996
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Member # 100535

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Or rather, why I should feel guilty...because truthfully I don't...and that in itself just seems strange to me...
Posts: 9 | From: Buffalo, MO | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
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Well, YOU are an individual, you are not your family or household or church. You have the feelings you have, and they should be your own. If you don't feel guilty, maybe it's because you know that it was right for you at the time.

Because not all Christian groups (including conservative ones) don't agree on all these things is why there are so many denominations and churches... Just because you find that you aren't having the feelings your specific church implies you should doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, in fact that is a pretty common experience.

[ 11-22-2012, 02:55 AM: Message edited by: Kachina ]

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jessyork1996
Neophyte
Member # 100535

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Well thank you for the advice...it really helped [Smile]
Posts: 9 | From: Buffalo, MO | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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