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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Really bad anxiety flare-up

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Author Topic: Really bad anxiety flare-up
Member # 90518

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Hi there,

I'm just going through a really tough instance of my anxiety getting the better of me and I feel like I just need to post something to get some reassurance/ see how ridiculous this sounds on paper.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over a year now. Communication is great, and I really feel like I can trust him and that he cares about me. One of my greatest fears is to have someone I love or someone I'm in a relationship with simply stop talking to me without explanation. My boyfriend and I have assured each other (on multiple occasions) that if for whatever reason one of us needed to stop seeing the other, that we would tell each other and talk about it, and not just go MIA all of a sudden.

He went to Victoria this weekend (on Vancouver Island, we live in Vancouver) because he'd just had a couple of stressful weeks and needed to unwind but didn't want to just be sitting at home. This is what he told me, and I don't see any reason why he would lie to me. He said he'd be gone for two days, Friday and Saturday. He left on Thursday night and texted me that he'd technically be back Saturday night, (but very late) that he'd let me know when he was back in town and that he hoped I'd have a great two days.

We usually text every day and so it's unusual for me to not get to talk to him but I was prepared to deal with it for a day or two. Friday was fine. Saturday was fine until maybe 10PM but since I had got it in my head that he would be back quite late on Saturday, I thought he might call me that night. I waited until 11PM and then tried calling him but it went to voice mail, meaning his phone was turned off.

I have to work early today and so I had to go to sleep but I found myself descending into sheer panic - He had said he's gone to Victoria but he actually lied and he was never going to come back and this was his way of running away from me, or possibly he was dead - he'd gone missing or left his phone somewhere, his ferry had sunk, he'd been kidnapped and his captors had turned off his phone. These all seemed (and still, somewhat, seem) like absolute possibilities. I have tried to phone three more times, and toyed with the idea of calling his roommate to make sure he got home safe, but I've been able to stop myself, not wanting to scare him away with my insanity.

His phone is still turned off, but since he originally told me he'd be back Sunday, I'm hoping that he'll call once he wakes up and turns it on (he usually sleeps with his phone off)

I realize this all sounds insane, and I hope that when I log on later today it will all be trivial, but I just really, really need to tell someone about this, and for someone to tell me that it's going to be alright.

Posts: 21 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI redcatmonster,

It sounds like a whirlwind has started up in your brain, and I don't imagine that's too terribly comfortable.

Most of the scenarios you suggest here aren't actually terribly likely, since you would have heard had most of them happened. Plus, your boyfriend has given you no indication that he's going to run off and join the circus. [Smile]

Cell phones are both a blessing and a curse--a blessing in that they allow us to be in easier contact with people, and a curse because we then expect to be able to keep up that contact all the time.

Anxiety, though, I know, isn't very logical. Very much hoping you're feeling better now.

How often do you have these anxiety flares? Have you established any ways of coping with them?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 90518

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Hi Robin

Thanks for the reply. As I had hoped, none of the things I predicted actually happened, though I did resort to calling his roommate from my work at 8:30 in the morning.

He felt a little bad, because this has happened before so he knows that I sometimes get into this state. He knew that he'd said he would let me know when he was back, and didn't, so that was partially his fault. But he mostly wanted me to not feel bad, and know that he'd rather I do what I need to do to feel better even if that does involve calling him an inordinate number of times very early in the morning.

I often think about the whole blessing/curse thing with regards to cell phones. When we first started dating I didn't have text messages, and so we couldn't talk as often because it just wasn't convenient. It wasn't a problem then, but once you have an established frequency of communication it's kind of a bummer to reduce it again. To be fair, his phone is old and broken-down and drops texts and calls all the time, so we've both learned to expect the occasional error or miscommunication on that front.

I have been to see a therapist about this in the past, and I'm trying to book an appointment with a counsellor through my university right now. I have some self-help literature, which does help to calm me down a bit, but the thing I find the most effective is to have people around. Which doesn't really work when it's 1AM and all of your roommates are asleep. The attacks of this magnitude don't happen very often, thankfully, and I can usually identify things that could potentially cause them and make sure I prepare myself as best I can. I think my biggest issue is just learning to trust other people: that they're not all trying to hurt me, and that they can take care of themselves and that they would tell me if there was anything wrong.

And I agree, there's no need for my bf to run off and join the circus: considering when we met we were working as actors in a carnival haunted house, he's practically already there [Smile]

Posts: 21 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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