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Author Topic: Fingering and scared...
pink35
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hii okay so Heather told me multiple times that it is not possible and I know it is not but I was just wondering if I could get some other support and advice from everyone else to help ease my worry. okay so on Saturday (today is Wednesday) my boyfriend fingered me. and while he says he didn't touch himself or have any way to get pre ejaculate or ejaculate on him before hand it still makes me nervous and I want to try to stop worrying so my period will come on time (2 weeks) so could someone help me and ease my nerves please? it would be so helpful!
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skiesofgreen
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How about starting with things you usually find calming. For instance, when you have gotten anxious or upset about things in the past, what have you done to calm yourself down? Do you like baths or reading or excersizing? Employing those skills right now sounds like a number one.

Also, have you been able to talk to anyone in person abou this, not from a risk assessment point of view, but from a getting support stand point. Is there a friend who can help distract you and help you relax? Has your boyfriend been supportive of how you're feeling right now?

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pink35
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When I am nervous about things I usually just try to keep myself occupied but its really hard to do because this has been the only thing on my mind and the little worry of what if it can happen? I try to keep myself distracted but it is tough because I still feel nervous about the possibility of it happening. thank you so much for the help!
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skiesofgreen
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So what thing in particular have you been doing? Which one of those have been most useful to you?

What about reaching out to a friend or your boyfriend? (again, not to assess your risk, but to get some emotional support)

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pink35
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I have been just talking and watching tv and texting and things like that but while at school I still get nervous and it still comes in the back of my mind. and I have talked to a friend about it and she said that this situation is not possible. but my health teacher also told me it is possible so that didn't help with my nerves
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skiesofgreen
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I understand getting that information from your health teacher was probably pretty confusing and scary but at this point I think you need to accept that either your teacher gave you wrong information (she may have been confused by what you were asking or misinformed herself) or you misinterpreted what she said. Can I ask if your school teaches abstinence only education (i.e. they teach you to simply not have sex).

Do you think being around someone supportive in person right now would help distract you? If so how about calling up that friend or someone else that can keep your mind off things. Also, if that's not possible, or you don't think it'd help, how about engaging in an active activity (something that requires action on your part, like walking, drawing etc.) instead of passive activities (like watching TV) that seem to be leaving a lot of room for you to continue focusing on your anxiety?

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pink35
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they always only say don't have sex. I feel like she was just trying to scare me into not doing anything. but if you don't mind what do you think about my situation and if pregnancy is possible? and I haven't tried really doing anything active because I have been told that exercise will delay a period also.
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skiesofgreen
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I'm not going to give you a risk assessment because Heather has clearly drawn a line with you. It's also clearly not helping you. At this point, you have the facts, and it's about you accepting them or not.

That said, do know, that places that teach abstinence only, are known for giving wrong or misleading information, for exactly the reason you've stated, to scare people out of engaging in sex. Educators in those environments are also less likely to be informed about what really is and isn't a risk.

When it comes to active activities I didn't necessarily mean exercise, but rather something that requires you to actively in engage in it and requires work on your part. So something like watching TV isn't active in that you don't have to do anything (aside from stare blankly) while writing, drawing, running, what have you, are active because they require your involvement in the activity. Get what I'm saying?

Also, when we're talking about exercise delaying a period we're talking about a big change in the amount of exercise. So, like, if someone were to start seriously working out after being inactive for a long period of time, or training for a marathon after just being a casual runner etc. THAT kind of increase in exercise might throw off your menstrual cycle. Just going out for a walk or your regular exercise routine isn't likely to do that.

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pink35
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okay thank you so much this really helped me I feel less nervous about it now thanks for the advice
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skiesofgreen
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I'm glad to hear it.

Do you think you have a grasp on some things you can do to try and manage this anxiety if it pops up again that don't involve trying to re-assess your risk?

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pink35
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I think I will just focus a lot of my time on my school work because I am falling behind in some of my classes
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skiesofgreen
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That sounds good, school work can definitely be a good distractor (at least for me).

But I'd put out there that it can also be a stresser for some people and making sure you also have some self-care activities in there (things that really make you feel good and taken care of that you can do for yourself) can also be pretty important when we're dealing with a scare.

So, working on school work is a good start.

How about figuring out one or two other things you can also do that are more about making yourself feel good.

If you need an example, my ideal would be making myself some fancy tea, getting into comfy clothes, turning on my favourite music and getting into drawing or reading a good book. Alternatively I might spent an hour doing some yoga.

So what are the things that make you feel super awesome?

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pink35
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right now I think I am stressing more about this situation which is making me fall behind because I can't focus on school. and things that make me feel good are just putting on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and just going on my computer or writing makes me feel good too
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skiesofgreen
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Right now then, how about we make the number one goal about you helping yourself destress.

So how about you go put on your favourite clothes get yourself comfortable and invest some time in writing so you can really work on destressing right now. (Also writing is an awesome hobby, it's great that you have an outlet like that.)

THEN, one you've given yourself a little love, you can get down to that school work and hopefully be in a better state of mind.

Also, if that school work isn't super pressing, just taking the night off and focusing on writing/feeling good might be a good option.

What do you think about that plan?

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pink35
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I like that. thank you so much for the help it really did help a lot. I feel a lot better about this whole situation because I have the facts about it and also I have ways to help keep my mind off of it now
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skiesofgreen
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Awesome, that's great to hear. [Smile]

And yay for you for figuring out some ways to take care of yourself. It's really great that you were able to do that.

I hope you keep feeling good [Smile]

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pink35
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thank you that really does help me and thanks for talking me through this [Smile]
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skiesofgreen
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Awesome, I'm glad I could help. [Smile]

Now go take care yourself! [Wink]

[ 04-17-2013, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: skiesofgreen ]

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