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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » death naturely and death inflected upon

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Author Topic: death naturely and death inflected upon
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

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I found out my grandma (adoptive) not really my blood grandma had a heart attack because her pacemaker quiet. She is ok but is in the hospital for a few days. My grandpa, my dads dad is dying. My friend Carly just commetted suicide.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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We're tremendously sorry to read about these serious illnesses and losses. We know how hard and painful dealing with things like this can be.

Previous to read this post and the other you made last night, we've been having conversations to try and reach a conclusion about the best ways we can help and care for you. So, we also apologize for the timing of these conclusions, but reading these posts only makes more clear how right our decision feels. Near the end of this post, you'll see we have created a list of care and support services you have, and put them in an order we think if you use would serve you best, and we suggest you use that order to deal with these new issues as well.

This week, Robin -- who is our new Assistant Director -- and I have been able to be in the same space. This has allowed us to take considerable time to discuss what we feel is the best approach for you, our staff, our organization and our community as a whole in great depth.

This morning, we have carefully reviewed the entirety of your post history, all 358 posts and responses you have made over the last five weeks since you registered at Scarleteen and our hundreds of interactions with you. We have now come to a conclusion about what we feel is most appropriate for your best care and most responsible and sound for our organization.

So you understand all of what we have taken into consideration, on top of looking at the impact of our interactions, over those five weeks, you have reported the following top us here on the boards or in our text service.

This list is roughly in chronological order:

• One recent rape
• Feeling alone, abandoned, like no one cares, isolated
• First gynecological exam
• Current sexual violence legal case
• Parents blaming you for your rape
• Physical and cognitive disabilities, some very serious or severe, includes learning and social disabilities
• Fear of pregnancy and STIs: repeated concern you have both
• Many questions about sexuality, no previous sex education
• Stated problems with receiving enough sensitivity from services, including ours
• Stated feeling like not in crisis, despite reporting numerous crises
• Anxiety issues
• Questions/concerns about sexual orientation/ struggling with possible bisexuality
• Issues with social skills: self-reported major challenges understanding or work with boundaries
• Rape flashbacks; insomnia
• Shame with sexuality
• Body image issues
• History of being bullied
• Reports of emotional abuse throughout whole life by friends and family
• Reports of verbal abuse from parents, feeling parents are non supportive and hateful
• Cutting/self-injury
• Lack of any friends
• Report of childhood sexual abuse at age 8 (in addition to the one rape initially reported with first posts)
• Masturbation questions with reports of possible pain condition
• Fear of men but desire for boyfriend and partnered sex, states would even perhaps be okay with getting raped again because of desire for sexual attention
• Kidney pain
• Reports of chronically feeling ignored by staff, volunteers or other users; reports of lack of sensitivity in responses
• Low self-esteem
• Body image/weight issues
• Red bumps on anus
• Sighting of rapist from initial rape case again
• Provides more details about LD/ reports cognitive development delays; says at 14-yo level (birthday on registration says 16, but has stated entered incorrectly, and reports age of 19)
• 9/7: report rape which occurred on previous day, adds previously unstated lifelong history of rape, which, in addition to previous two assaults and new current assault involves rapes at ages 10 and 12, and 4 times in Cancun, 2 times in Europe and 5 times in college at 2 different colleges. Report of rape that occurred on 9/6 includes severe physical assault.
• Today: reports serious illness in family, terminal illness of grandfather, and reports friend just committed suicide

You have reported several of these issues and feelings multiple times throughout, for example, expressing that despite constant interaction with us and fast response times, you are being ignored and abandoned.

* * *

Were a user to come to the board, especially in this short time period, and ask for your help with one or maybe two of those issues, to the degree we can help with any of them as an online sex education organization, we could usually handle that, especially if that user was also utilizing other in-person care services. Perhaps you can see, looking at a list this size and scope, particularly with the seriousness of all of the issues on this list, that someone dealing with all of this happening or coming up in only a five week period of time could not possibly be helped to the degree that they need by any online service, let alone one which is ultimately merely a sex education service, not equipped with staff like licensed mental healthcare providers.

Perhaps you can also understand how very irresponsible it would be for an organization like ours not to look at a list like this and clearly decide a person dealing with all of this is obviously in very, very serious crisis and needs very, very serious, in-person -- if not in-patient -- care. And very, very irresponsible for us to even attempt to provide what this kind of person needs rather than doing everything in our power (as we have) to get that person to the kind of in-person care they truly need.

To be clear, a list and history like this is the emotional equivalent of someone who needs to not only call the ambulance, but, when they arrive at the hospital, would probably have the staff there calling experts to attend to their care who are deeply specialized because of the dire seriousness of their situation/crisis.

We are not that ambulance. We are not that hospital. We are not that specialized care.

Even if we wanted to fulfill any of those roles, we absolutely lack the capacity and ability to do so, and it would be grossly irresponsible and unethical to try.

It is with all of this in mind, and after much careful discussion, that we have decided what is best for everyone, particularly for you, and the only way we can responsibly respond, is to ask that you respect and accept that our service is not right for you at this time, and cannot provide you with what you want from it.

We are very sorry, as we fully understand how much you want to use this service, and are sorry we cannot meet your needs. However, we feel the approach we are about to suggest, and the kinds of care we have repeatedly suggested you use instead will.

If you still feel uncertain or unclear about how to utilize those resources and referrals, I've also made a list of the resources which over the time we have worked with you you have either stated you already have and are able to use, or we have found for you and know are accessible. I have numbered this list for you in what we think is the best order people or services to contact or work with.

1. Your new counselor
2. Current legal advocate
3. Student health services. (Phone number for them: (218) 755-2053)
4. Student disability services (link) and/or your existing Noonan's support group. Phone number for your disability student services: (218) 755-3883
5. Your local sexual violence victim's services we found for you, at http://www.sapbchc.org/ online, with with the 24-hour hotline at: 1-800-708-2727
6. Your RA
7. Your former legal advocate
8. The Planned Parenthood near your campus (phone number for them is: (218) 751-8683 - also remember they can provide educational visits)
9. The criminal justice system, like any of the police officers you have already spoken to or the SANE nurse who would have been part of your reporting process
10. Any existing other healthcare providers, like a family doctor or any specialist you see for your disabilities

In addition to that list, as far secondary supports, you can obviously utilize some of the other online or phone hotline services you already use, like supportgroups.com, and the other services you have said you use.

We feel confident this suggested approach will serve you well, and very much hope that it does.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67102 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post 
So you are saying that I cant use this anymore?

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post 
I am wroking on everything on that list with my counselor. I am sorry for everything.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post 
I am wroking on everything on that list with my counselor. I am sorry for everything.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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quote:
So you are saying that I cant use this anymore?
Yes, we are.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67102 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post 
at all or for now

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
At all.

I believe this was made as clear as possible in our initial response, here it is again for you to review.

We're tremendously sorry to read about these serious illnesses and losses. We know how hard and painful dealing with things like this can be.

Previous to read this post and the other you made last night, we've been having conversations to try and reach a conclusion about the best ways we can help and care for you. So, we also apologize for the timing of these conclusions, but reading these posts only makes more clear how right our decision feels. Near the end of this post, you'll see we have created a list of care and support services you have, and put them in an order we think if you use would serve you best, and we suggest you use that order to deal with these new issues as well.

This week, Robin -- who is our new Assistant Director -- and I have been able to be in the same space. This has allowed us to take considerable time to discuss what we feel is the best approach for you, our staff, our organization and our community as a whole in great depth.

This morning, we have carefully reviewed the entirety of your post history, all 358 posts and responses you have made over the last five weeks since you registered at Scarleteen and our hundreds of interactions with you. We have now come to a conclusion about what we feel is most appropriate for your best care and most responsible and sound for our organization.

So you understand all of what we have taken into consideration, on top of looking at the impact of our interactions, over those five weeks, you have reported the following top us here on the boards or in our text service.

This list is roughly in chronological order:

• One recent rape
• Feeling alone, abandoned, like no one cares, isolated
• First gynecological exam
• Current sexual violence legal case
• Parents blaming you for your rape
• Physical and cognitive disabilities, some very serious or severe, includes learning and social disabilities
• Fear of pregnancy and STIs: repeated concern you have both
• Many questions about sexuality, no previous sex education
• Stated problems with receiving enough sensitivity from services, including ours
• Stated feeling like not in crisis, despite reporting numerous crises
• Anxiety issues
• Questions/concerns about sexual orientation/ struggling with possible bisexuality
• Issues with social skills: self-reported major challenges understanding or work with boundaries
• Rape flashbacks; insomnia
• Shame with sexuality
• Body image issues
• History of being bullied
• Reports of emotional abuse throughout whole life by friends and family
• Reports of verbal abuse from parents, feeling parents are non supportive and hateful
• Cutting/self-injury
• Lack of any friends
• Report of childhood sexual abuse at age 8 (in addition to the one rape initially reported with first posts)
• Masturbation questions with reports of possible pain condition
• Fear of men but desire for boyfriend and partnered sex, states would even perhaps be okay with getting raped again because of desire for sexual attention
• Kidney pain
• Reports of chronically feeling ignored by staff, volunteers or other users; reports of lack of sensitivity in responses
• Low self-esteem
• Body image/weight issues
• Red bumps on anus
• Sighting of rapist from initial rape case again
• Provides more details about LD/ reports cognitive development delays; says at 14-yo level (birthday on registration says 16, but has stated entered incorrectly, and reports age of 19)
• 9/7: report rape which occurred on previous day, adds previously unstated lifelong history of rape, which, in addition to previous two assaults and new current assault involves rapes at ages 10 and 12, and 4 times in Cancun, 2 times in Europe and 5 times in college at 2 different colleges. Report of rape that occurred on 9/6 includes severe physical assault.
• Today: reports serious illness in family, terminal illness of grandfather, and reports friend just committed suicide

You have reported several of these issues and feelings multiple times throughout, for example, expressing that despite constant interaction with us and fast response times, you are being ignored and abandoned.

* * *

Were a user to come to the board, especially in this short time period, and ask for your help with one or maybe two of those issues, to the degree we can help with any of them as an online sex education organization, we could usually handle that, especially if that user was also utilizing other in-person care services. Perhaps you can see, looking at a list this size and scope, particularly with the seriousness of all of the issues on this list, that someone dealing with all of this happening or coming up in only a five week period of time could not possibly be helped to the degree that they need by any online service, let alone one which is ultimately merely a sex education service, not equipped with staff like licensed mental healthcare providers.

Perhaps you can also understand how very irresponsible it would be for an organization like ours not to look at a list like this and clearly decide a person dealing with all of this is obviously in very, very serious crisis and needs very, very serious, in-person -- if not in-patient -- care. And very, very irresponsible for us to even attempt to provide what this kind of person needs rather than doing everything in our power (as we have) to get that person to the kind of in-person care they truly need.

To be clear, a list and history like this is the emotional equivalent of someone who needs to not only call the ambulance, but, when they arrive at the hospital, would probably have the staff there calling experts to attend to their care who are deeply specialized because of the dire seriousness of their situation/crisis.

We are not that ambulance. We are not that hospital. We are not that specialized care.

Even if we wanted to fulfill any of those roles, we absolutely lack the capacity and ability to do so, and it would be grossly irresponsible and unethical to try.

It is with all of this in mind, and after much careful discussion, that we have decided what is best for everyone, particularly for you, and the only way we can responsibly respond, is to ask that you respect and accept that our service is not right for you at this time, and cannot provide you with what you want from it.

We are very sorry, as we fully understand how much you want to use this service, and are sorry we cannot meet your needs. However, we feel the approach we are about to suggest, and the kinds of care we have repeatedly suggested you use instead will.

If you still feel uncertain or unclear about how to utilize those resources and referrals, I've also made a list of the resources which over the time we have worked with you you have either stated you already have and are able to use, or we have found for you and know are accessible. I have numbered this list for you in what we think is the best order people or services to contact or work with.

1. Your new counselor
2. Current legal advocate
3. Student health services. (Phone number for them: (218) 755-2053)
4. Student disability services (link) and/or your existing Noonan's support group. Phone number for your disability student services: (218) 755-3883
5. Your local sexual violence victim's services we found for you, at http://www.sapbchc.org/ online, with with the 24-hour hotline at: 1-800-708-2727
6. Your RA
7. Your former legal advocate
8. The Planned Parenthood near your campus (phone number for them is: (218) 751-8683 - also remember they can provide educational visits)
9. The criminal justice system, like any of the police officers you have already spoken to or the SANE nurse who would have been part of your reporting process
10. Any existing other healthcare providers, like a family doctor or any specialist you see for your disabilities

In addition to that list, as far secondary supports, you can obviously utilize some of the other online or phone hotline services you already use, like supportgroups.com, and the other services you have said you use.

We feel confident this suggested approach will serve you well, and very much hope that it does.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67102 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post 
You know what? I deserve better then this. I deserve a site that doesnt make wantn to harm myself after being mistreated. I deserve to be cared and accepted. I dont know what the heck your problem and issues are but you have to work thro them. I am almost tempted to put a LAW suite out becase of how you favor users. How other users can do exactly what I have done but nothing happens to them either. I deserve someone who cares. Just wait karma is going to COME

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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