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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Girlfriend and girlfriend's roomate problems.

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Author Topic: Girlfriend and girlfriend's roomate problems.
Starfire&Shadows
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Member # 31388

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Firat off - my girlfriend = wonderful. Sorry, just had to say it here, because not everyone is so supportive IRL. And you guys are awesome.

Anyway. So here's where the problem is. My GF has a room in a house with 2 other people (who are married and own the house). They are nice to her most of the time, but they are also messed up sometimes. One's really racist. They tell "retard" jokes - in front of me. :/ And sometimes they misgender her (she's trans). Also - it seems like they treat their dog coldly and badly.

The problem is, i itch to confront them on this stuff, but I'm afraid they'll take it out on her. She's renting the room there so much cheaper than she could anywhere else, and so she has a place to live. But this stuff hurts. :/

Hope this is an appropriate place to talk about this.

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We are all made of Star Stuff...
-Carl Sagan

...Their eyes beheld, first of all things, the stars of heaven.
-Silmarillion

Posts: 90 | From: Unknown | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hey Starfire&Shadows,

Yay, I'm glad to hear your girlfriend is awesome.

Sadly, it really isn't a good idea for you to confront the people your girlfriend rents from. (and know that I rarely out and out say it's not a good idea to do something, so know that I do it with the deepest of caring and conviction.) Unfortunately, they're in a position of power over her and confronting them could potentially turn something that is currently annoying and unnerving into something that is downright impossible to handle.

I fully understand the desire to protect and defend your girlfriend and to just correct their biased assumptions and attitudes. (been there, re wanting to give a partner's land-people a piece of my mind)

As to the dog, if you truly feel it is being abused, you could give whatever authorities in your area are in charge of that sort of thing a call and see if you can make an anonymous report. If you do that, know that these people might suspect you or your girlfriend, but it certainly is an option.

What do you think of what i've said here?

I'm wondering if you can instead pour your energies into helping your girlfriend cope with living there, perhaps helping her minimize her interactions with these people, etc.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Starfire&Shadows
Activist
Member # 31388

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Yeah thanks,

I don't actually want to confront them - but I *do* worry about the dog. They don't do anything abusive (or at least not that I've seen) but if something happens, It's nice to know about the anonymous tip option. Thank you.

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We are all made of Star Stuff...
-Carl Sagan

...Their eyes beheld, first of all things, the stars of heaven.
-Silmarillion

Posts: 90 | From: Unknown | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi,

Yes, it's definitely worth finding out whether you can make an anonymous tip, ahead of time so that if you do see abuse happening you'll know what your options are. I'm a dog-lover and owner myself, so I identify with your concern!

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Starfire&Shadows
Activist
Member # 31388

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An update - my girlfriend has gotten a decently paying job and is moving out to her own apartment! [Big Grin] Now she can be free of all the meanness. And I can report the dog issues.

I also found out that they were misgendering me and insulting me behind my back. :/

Robin, thank you for supporting me until now.

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We are all made of Star Stuff...
-Carl Sagan

...Their eyes beheld, first of all things, the stars of heaven.
-Silmarillion

Posts: 90 | From: Unknown | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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Ugh, those people. I'm sorry on their behalf, Starfire.

I'm thrilled that your girlfriend's moving into her own place! [Big Grin] HUGE congrats!

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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So glad it's worked out so well.

Now neither of you has to be around unpleasant, mean, rude people!

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
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Just saw this post starfire, I'm so glad your girlfriend is able to get out of that situation!

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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