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Author Topic: Long Distance + Bf's Parents' Hatred = URGH. (long!)
Corvid
Neophyte
Member # 95308

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I was wondering if anyone has been or is currently in the same boat with me. I have a boyfriend who has moved to a different area and now goes to a different school. We've been together for 6 months, I trust him with all my heart. But we have no means of contact between us.

Now I know that everyone might look at my birthday and say,"Boys that age are trouble! Hormones rage and he'll leave you quicker than you'll ever know". I'm currently 15 (birthday is in August), and he is 16. I'm not telling people to not say the thing about our ages, but I probably won't pay much attention to it if you do (just being honest, guys! [Big Grin] ).

ALRIGHT. IT'S VENTING TIME.

Okay, so now onto the real topic. My boyfriend moved away (a couple cities away) a few months ago...January if I'm right. He's in a military family so he moves around a lot. My family, not so much. We aren't military, and I've lived in the same town all my life. I happen to live in a military based town. Over the past few years starting in middle school, I've dealt with friends coming and going. That's the worst thing about living here, everyone PSA's a lot so once you make a really good friend, they usually have to leave. That happened with my boyfriend.

We have almost no means of communication, which sucks BIG TIME. I can email him, but the computers at his school are made in such a way that he can read emails, but it won't let him send anything. [Frown] It's very lonesome at school now (we're both sophomores), he was my best friend. We found out shortly before he left that his dad was planning to retire from the military within a year. But, they were planning on moving back to his hometown, which is a few states away. We were both very upset, and still are! [Frown]

I've sent him numerous emails, and he's read them as far as I know. We regained *temporary* contact for a couple of weeks, and we talked about everything. He brought up some of the emails I've sent, so I know he can read them. We got to meet up outside of school for the first time since we've been together. The reason being is because his dad doesn't like me for some reason, and I'll explain the whole situation here:

**I currently have no religion, just to clear things up.**
Back around November, my boyfriend began looking into a specific religion. It was a religion that most common people would disapprove of. He was interested, and so he asked me for some information. I was that religion for a short period of time, as I had studied on it. He asked me for info, so I provided it. His dad took his phone and found the info, and told my boyfriend to break up with me. He refused, no matter how much his dad yelled. His dad turned to taking EVERYTHING out of his room, except a bed. I felt really crappy about the whole thing, but my boyfriend said it wasn't my fault. His dad disliked me just because I provided information that my boyfriend wanted. Before this all happened, he had a picture of me as his phone background, with a banner that had my name and the day we got together on it. After his dad took his phone, his dad decided to go through and delete all our pictures and change the banner to "No more Corvid" (I'd rather not post my real name ^^; ). My boyfriend found his phone a few days later and changed the banner, but his phone still hasn't been returned.

**end rant of boyfriend's father**

I really just want to know if anyone here is in the same situation or has been in the same situation. I need some people I can talk to. We both want this relationship to work out, more than anything. The communication problems, though, make it hard. Things aren't the same to me now. I used to LOVE going to school just to see him and be near him. Just hearing his name makes me have this fluttery feeling. But now, I dread going to school. Well, not DREAD, but I don't enjoy it as much. Sometimes, I'll just have a small breakdown at night while lying down trying to sleep. When I say small breakdown, I mean that I'll cry a little bit and think about things. I don't get very jealous or scared about cheating, I trust him with everything I have. He's my absolute best friend, just the fact that he likes me as a person is wonderful! Even if I wasn't with him together in a relationship, he'd still be my best friend, and I would be fine. I always try to be better for him, so I've been working out a little more (which, by the way, is a WONDERFUL stress reliever!). I love the way he talks, the way he looks, the way he smells, everything about him is perfect to me. He makes me feel wanted and beautiful, which no other person can. Me being super down on myself all the time, he makes me feel amazing. He gave me a stuffed animal a few months back, which smells like him. I've slept with that animal in my arms almost every day since I've had it. It's very comforting (that sounds so weird now that I think about it! o.O).

But anyways, has anyone been in the same boat? I'd love for some friends here, or just some advice. Thanks guys, and sorry for the huge post D:

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One for sorrow, two for mirth,
Three for a wedding, four for a birth,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret not to be told.
Eight for heaven, nine for hell,
And ten for the devil's own sel'.

Posts: 8 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Oh, Corvid, I'm so sorry. It's been an awfully long time, but yes, had the t-shirt for similar things when I was younger and this kind of thing is just hellish to deal with and so heartbreaking.

Obviously, his family is seriously non-supportive of your relationship and is putting up barriers. But you haven't said anything about your own: how's your family been about all of this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Corvid
Neophyte
Member # 95308

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It's not his FAMILY that doesn't support us, it's just his step-dad. His mom has met my mom and me as well, and she likes both of us. I've met his little brother and sisters also, but not his step-dad. The reason we were able to meet up outside of school (once!) was because his dad was away that day.

My family is completely fine with it! My dad took a little while to get over the religion issue (which, by the way, has cleared up), but other than that, my family likes him. My mom thinks he's nicer and funnier than my past boyfriends. My dad hasn't met him yet, but he likes him so far. In fact, my ENTIRE family is supportive! That includes my grandparents and all.

The real reason I can't talk to him is because of his step-dad. His mom is supportive, and would most likely allow him to talk to me, but his step-dad is very controlling as far as I've known. SOOO, it's an awkward way to have a relationship.

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One for sorrow, two for mirth,
Three for a wedding, four for a birth,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret not to be told.
Eight for heaven, nine for hell,
And ten for the devil's own sel'.

Posts: 8 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, it sounds like this is a lot bigger than about the two of you, but is mostly about his family currently being dysfunctional because, from the sounds of things, his mother is married to someone controlling.

The tough news about that is that most likely, that relationship -- what's going on in his family that isn't about you at all -- is probably going to have to be remedied before anything else can change.Same goes for his mother and his stepfather working out their conflict about your relationship. [Frown]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Corvid
Neophyte
Member # 95308

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Ugh, I've got to wait till Hades freezes over for that to happen. I still just feel...bad. Bad that his dad has no warmth towards me whatsoever. It's really stressful dealing with this stuff, but I manage to, somehow. I'm just glad someone here knows what it's like to have this happen!

--------------------
One for sorrow, two for mirth,
Three for a wedding, four for a birth,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret not to be told.
Eight for heaven, nine for hell,
And ten for the devil's own sel'.

Posts: 8 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Corvid
Neophyte
Member # 95308

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Oh, good news!! His dad was using my boyfriend's facebook account, and I got to talk to him. I apologized to his dad, and I actually found out that he DOES care about me. He supports our relationship now, and I found out that he actually encouraged my boyfriend to talk to me. So, everything should be good now. Our communication is decent now, we can talk every couple days. I also got invited over for a movie at my boyfriend's house ^_^ Super excited! Our relationship is going on 7 months soon, and from the looks of it, it'll be getting better by the month [Big Grin] Thanks Heather for the support while I was in this sitchy-ation!

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One for sorrow, two for mirth,
Three for a wedding, four for a birth,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret not to be told.
Eight for heaven, nine for hell,
And ten for the devil's own sel'.

Posts: 8 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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I've been following this thread from the beginning and I'm so happy this all turned out okay for you Corvid; made my day today! [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Arthur Lexington
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Member # 95913

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My girlfriend's grandfather does the same kinds of things, and I wanted you to know that you aren't alone in this problem, i'm still there myself and its awesome you are winning this 'battle'

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Pax est mendacium, Mundus est mendacium, Fatum Terminatum

Posts: 13 | From: [CLASSIFIED] | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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