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Author Topic: Lost Right Now
the stars never rise
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So I'm new to Scarleteen [Smile] .. I just joined up because it seemed like a cool site and then I thought maybe some of you here might be able to offer me some adivce or insights regarding some things that I'm going through right now. I don't want to immediately ramble into it, because it would make an impossibly long post, but I've been feeling really really lost lately re leaving behind the boyfriend I lived with for five years and moving to a new province. I feel like I am having to really reconsider all my plans for the future (college, kids, marriage, etc.) and after being on my own again for the last year I know I need to start making some decisions because I'm now 22, single, and still making minimum wage.

Not only am I no longer sure which direction my life is going in, I'm still having trouble sleeping at night when I'm by myself, I get a sick feeling every once in a while when I remember where I am, and I get overcome with a painful feeling even when I'm doing mundane things like waiting for the train. I still cry sometimes.

I don't feel like I will ever meet someone that I will feel the same way about, but I'm fine with that. Just that everyone I've dated since moving here has just done nothing for me except give me the sensation I'm smashing my head on sharp rocks. No, I don't want to be alone and celibate, but I'm frustrated and fed up with going through all the motions of meeting new people and dating especially when everyone I meet turns out to be childish and completely incompatible with me.

I originally was going to put this in the relationships thread, but then I thought maybe this might be a better place for this.. I would really like to have someone to talk to about some of the things that went on in my relationship and help me figure out what to do next. I feel like giving up sometimes and while I manage to drag myself through all the motions of going to work, slapping together dinner, and washing up- On the inside I feel like I'm breaking apart and I don't always know how I'm going to keep holding myself together. I think about the future a lot, trying to figure out what it will look like now that the person I intended to spend the rest of my life with is not here, and I spend a lot of time trying to recollect the past and figure out where it all went so wrong.

If there is anyone here who can relate and give me some insights into my life right now, I'd really appreciate anything you have to say.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Welcome, the stars never rise. [Smile]

Happy to talk with you about all of this: where do you want to get started?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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the stars never rise
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Thank you for your reply. I really don't know where I want to start, because there are so many aspects of this situation that I'm finding just totally overwhelming.

I guess the biggest piece is trying to figure out what to do with my life right now now that that this relationship is behind me. At the time that I left I had been in the process of enrolling to university for a 4-year program. But I realised that this was probably not the best move for me to make when my relationship was on the rocks. The course I was planning to take would've required me to school full-time and the cost of tuition and fees would cost me the full amount that the government would loan me. I don't see how I can possibly support myself while schooling full-time if the government will not loan me enough that I can feasibly pay rent and bills if I no longer have the security of being in a partnership and having access to a second income.

Now that I'm here, I'm asking myself a lot of questions like- Is it still a valid idea that I should go to college? Would I be able to afford to go through college while supporting myself completely? Am I still interested in studying for the same career? If I commit myself to school and starting up a career, will I be cutting short the opportunity to have children later on considering the age that I already am at? In addition to the years I'd spend in college\university, I'd still need to upgrade my highschool and complete a list of prerequistes, get accepted into a school, and then when I'm done I will be left with a heap of debt that I must pay off or face consequences. I'd need to work two years full time before I could take maternity leave also. I'm not sure if marrying and having kids is even the path I'm still interested in taking now that I've left my boyfriend, but I'm unsure about taking steps that I feel like might close the door on that option. Even with that aside, I'm still no longer sure if I am even interested in still going to university and I'm trying to consider the alternatives as, although I enjoy the work I do, I don't want to be stuck on this part-time, minimum-wage train for forever.

I just can't seem to figure out what I want to do or what would be best to do. The fact that I had the full intention of marrying my boyfriend and remaining with him throughout my life tends to cloud any vision of the future I have. Anything that I choose is like a second choice that I wish I didn't have to make.

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Heather
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Well, this is a little afield of what we do, but if you want to start with the college/practicality stuff, as someone who did pay her own way for college, and did work nearly full-time throughout, I can certainly tell you a little bit about how that went for me (though obviously, your mileage may vary).

It also sounds like you might need/want to unpack what happened with your boyfriend to create what sounds like a pretty radical change for you in your present and how you thought your future might go.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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the stars never rise
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I know that's going a little afield. I am considering going into an employment counsellor to maybe talk over some of the concerns I have for my future and help me figure out what next steps I should take. Really I guess what it comes down to for me here though is more the emotional aspect of having to change my plans and having to go through the whole bit of rethinking everything. I really do just feel lost out in space having to make all these decisions over again and without having any support. I'd love to hear about your college experience, and how you managed to work and school full-time.

I am wanting to kinda "unpack" what happened with my boyfriend. I have not really talked to anyone about the things that happened in our relationship. There was a lot of age disparity between us (he is about 27 years older than I am) and that tended to create issues for us. We had initially talked to great length about getting married after we had lived together for the first few months- Down to where we wanted to get married, who would attend, when we could get married, where our honeymoon would be, etc. We had also discussed the possibility of trying to conceive at some point in our relationship and how that would fit in with my desire to further my education.

However, we began having problems about a year into living together. A close friend of his passed away and because that friend was also a contractor who was employing him he was left without work. He got in with a company and began working out of town, then for a reason I didn't understand started coming home later and later at night. When we were together, things seemed a little paler. I was 17 at the time and a little footloose. I reacted to the situation by taking off for three-days and having a one-nighter, then later having a fling with one my neighbours. My boyfriend had the luck of walking in on me red-handed. We managed to smoothe things over and things, for the most part, went back to normal. It however became apparent to me at this point that I was doubting whether or not I was ready to be in this kind of relationship. It took me a little while to figure things out for myself, and eventually what I realised was that I absolutely did want to continue with it and wanted to make things work for us. I suppose I realised that too late.

I was date-raped by my neighbour after going there to do coke and he slipped GBH in my drink. When it wore off, I came to laying on the floor topless and tried to make a dive for the door but got cornered. He thrust some pills at me, which I do not know what they were, but I took them then flew out the door while he came out after me and started hollering at me. And because that night I did not manage to make it home until 6am and my boyfriend, who was still upset with me for my little charades, had heard that I had been with a male neighbour.. You can see he was little impressed. I felt there was little point in trying to explain what had happened. I hoped it would just go away.
But it didn't. Some weeks later my boyfriend came home and announced he was going away for the weekend with a woman he had met at the condos he was working on. I acknowledged that he was angry at me and jealous because of my behaviour at the time and hurt because of the doubts I had been having. I therefore never said a word about him going out with this lady. But I hoped that after having some time to vent things would go back to the way they had been before and he would realise that what we had was important enough for us to continue with it.

Unfortunately that's not exactly what happened. He kept seeing her, so I started dating someone from work. By the time I was through with that, he was still seeing her. I continued ahead with my job and schooling, and started making tentative plans to move out. I talked to a few guys, but never ended up dating or sleeping with any of them. I still held out hope that this would all just go away. He ended up seeing her for a year and, at the end of things, quit his job and moved in with her. That lasted all of 2 months.

So we ended up living together again, planning to finally start on a new page. It got off to a rough start because we were now without work. Early in, I dropped out of school after my close friend and teacher passed away. He went running off to Mexico for two weeks over the holidays with the woman who previously dumped him and threw him out of her house. I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital. After that things got better and things were good for some time, but they never got back to where they should've been.

I pen most of the problems we had in the first two years to a life crisis. He was doubting many of the decisions he had made in his life, concerned about his ability to later retire comfortably, and starting to feel that he had passed the point where settling down and having kids was the right choice. He was feeling that if we ended up going down that path he would end up burdened. At the same time, he was taking a lot out on me because he was frustrated with my small income and didn't want to have to help support me while I went through things like college. The woman he had been dating was closer to his age, but a few years older, and had already retired (at a very early age) because her husband had passed away and left her with a lot of money in bank. And that was really why he got so caught up with her.

As we went along, it just got to be more and more difficult for us to agree on things. I was willing to forego the concept of us ever having children and focus on school and a career instead, but as I said I still didn't feel like I had his full backing on this. We fought about money more and more often. We weren't sleeping together very often and when we did it was often difficult for us to get things going and it never was very satisfactory. He about-faced on us getting officially engaged and later marrying. I love him enough that I was willing to keep going, but I finally just got to a point where I felt that nothing I was doing was going to make this work and nothing was going to finally get better. I had already given it everything I had. So I dropped my college plans and left.

That is basically the long and short of it. I still do really care about him and, obviously, I am hurt and I feel that I failed because I could not get things to work out between us. Like I said, if we could've made things work I had entirely intended to stay with him. Now I just feel like my whole life is thrown out of whack because I'm suddenly realising I'm now in my twenties, never finished my school, and that one person I really wanted to be with I failed to keep happy. I had expected (at a certain time) that by now I would be at least done my highschool and that I would be married, but those things did not come to be. Having kids was something that got thrown out of the window and I sent an email to the school I was planning on going to to tell them that I was moving away.

Now I'm starting all over again when I realise I don't want to be.

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Heather
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YOWZA.

You hardly need me to tell you that that is a LOT to deal with. Jaysis, a lot.

There's a lot to unpack and talk about here, but one thing that really leapt out at me was you saying this:

quote:
Now I just feel like my whole life is thrown out of whack because I'm suddenly realising I'm now in my twenties, never finished my school, and that one person I really wanted to be with I failed to keep happy.
So, a few affirmations, just to get started.

It sounds like you think you might be late to the game here when, in fact, you're still right at the start of it. You're 22. You're only 22. That's not late for any of this.

I get it might feel that way because it seems like you kind of tried to fast-forward or fast-track a lot of things. But if it does, please know it's not.

Also, this idea that you didn't keep "the one person you wanted to be with" happy.

Again, I'm going to put in a vote for recognizing that it is EARLY in your dating/romantic relationship life. A whole lot of people at your age have yet to meet anyone they really feel that stuff for yet or really connect with. Or, if they have, they're not at anything close to an end-point yet, they're just exploring the first time or a few they have those kinds of feelings and ideas and experiences.

Also, this wasn't about a failed relationship because you couldn't keep this man happy. You hopefully already know that when relationships don't "work" (I put that in quotes because what one means by a relationship working or succeeding or failing is so arbitrary) it's about everyone in them, not just one person. And it's pretty clear to me this man had a LOT of his own stuff, some of which was probably a big part of why he started dating you and talking marriage and kids to someone so young, and so much younger than him, in the first place. That's not to say you're not awesome. It's to say that it does sound to me, based on what you've said here, not just his age and yours, that you got in a relationship with someone in the big throes of a mid-life crisis here. And that's not on you, gal. Neither is someone effectively seeming to pretty often be annoyed or not happy with you having the hallmarks of being the age you are yet choosing to be involved with someone that age.

Really, it sounds -- to me -- like both of you were a transition for each other trying to be something that wasn't transitional. That's simplifying things a lot, but you two exploring sex and relationships with others in the way you did (and I am so not talking about your assault, just FYI, and I find it appalling he treated an assault like cheating: truly, I find that abhorrent, ignorant and cruel) speaks to that a lot, as does the big rush-in at the different stages both of you were at.

So.

I know "you're better off" is cliche and cold comfort, and you obviously don't feel that way right now. But as much as getting started on your own life outside of this situation feels daunting, my feeling is that the life you can build for yourself now can be a helluva lot better than the one you were setting yourself up for in that particular situation, with those particular dynamics, with that guy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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While I'm here and the new puppy is sleeping (been in and out a lot the last few days because we're living on the puppy-clock over here), I can riff a little for you on the college/paying your own way stuff.

So, here was my deal: I finished high school with a record of a very high GPA, and also already used to working to support myself some and paying some of my own tuition.

I got scholarships to some great schools, but a 50% scholarship when even with a loan, you still have around 40% of tens of thousands of dollars to pay isn't so doable.

So, what I did instead was to take a gap year. During that year, I worked a bunch of different jobs, and even though I still had to pay some rent, etc, I built up a pretty good savings. (I also got a year to kind of get some of my leftover ya-ya's out, which I think made buckling down to studying at college a lot easier for me than it seemed to be for other folks who didn't have that time save a summer.)

Then I went to a school where I could get state funding and loans, not just federal loans and merit as well as financial scholarships (I was very poor and had been living that way for years).

I arranged my schedule at school so it worked with my having a job that got me around 30 hours of work a week, with those hours mostly on weekends. I also did work-study in college.

Was I exhausted between work and taking the same credit hours students not paying their own bills were? hell to the yes. At the same time, and especially looking back now from the vantage-point of my 40s, my age meant I felt the exhaustion a lot less than I would at any other time of life. And really, it was my normal, and would prove to stay that way: most of my life since I've worked around 60 hours a week, so.

I also tried switching to the adult college my third year, so I could work during the week and do school on weekends and a night now and then. That was actually way more doable and much less exhausting, for some reason. I also was with other students doing what I was, so that was nice.

Now, my college didn't get me a job, mostly because I was a liberal arts major, not someone studying medicine or engineering, etc. I also wasn't able to finish, so there's that. Part of that is that I felt done, and I went to school to get an education more than a degree, so when I felt I wasn't being offered much more to learn (in the middle of my third year), I felt it was time to go, especially because I was paying my own way. But I also just really ran out of money to finish.

Also, I still have yet to pay off my student loans. But a) your generation may very well have your loans forgiven or reduced, while that won't happen with mine, and b) people really don't get penalized for having student loan debt so long as they don't default on the loans. In other words, that debt doesn't really stop you from anything.

I think the tough thing about making these choices right now as a young person is that the economy and job market being what it is right now -- though that very well may change in the future, so wise not to be too short-sighted about it -- a WHOLE lot of folks with good 4-year-degrees are also still working minimum wage jobs, when they can find jobs at all. So, I would suggest talking to that college counselor, but also thinking about if what you want is about job or about getting an education regardless of a job, because I think those don't tend to be the same considerations.

Really, if you ask me, if and when we can get an education we want, I think it's worth busting our butts for and worth the level of financial investment we feel is sound for what we'll get out of it, be that life enrichment, new ways to think, or a job.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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the stars never rise
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Thanks again for your replies. I guess the thing here with me "trying to fast-track" things is that initially that really wasn't the plan. When I met my boyfriend, I had just recently moved into my first apartment from a homeless shelter and had gotten my first job. I worked full-time and schooled part-time and I was probably like most 16-year-olds in that most of my focus was split between boys, partying, finishing my high-school, and my job. But I don't really know how to explain it, my whole life just seemed to change when I met him. I say this with retrospect, but it was like the whole world imploded. The little things that made me so happy then, like sleeping in on a Saturday afternoon with him and our cat curled up between us, and making dinner together in the evening were kinda the things that made marriage and family appealing. I realised that I was kinda making a short-stop on my youth, but it took me some time then I realised that I was OK with that because there was nothing "out there" that was any better than being "here."

Because I guess of my experiences in life, I find it hard to relate to other people my age. They seem to have all that youthful optimism and energy that I used to have, but don't anymore. They usually still live at home, have boyfriends without any of the responsibilties that a partnership entails, have families that are helping to support them, and are more focused on school than work. None of that is a reality for me right now and likely won't ever be. Since moving here, everyone I've dated has been closer to my age but I'm not satisfied with the relationships. The first guy I dated was the same age as me, the next was 11 years older, and the guy I'm currently seeing is maybe 5 or 6 years older. This is kinda a seperate issue I guess, but I keep going through the same frustrations. They want to act like boyfriends on one hand, then on the other don't do the things I'd expect from one. They'd like for me to do sleep-overs at their place, but don't seem to get how inconvenient that is for me. I do not want to run around all the time with toothpaste in my bag. I usually have work the next morning, and I want to be on-time, have a fresh change of clothes, and at minimum a coffee and a muffin before I run out the door. If I spend a weekend, I don't eat all weekend because they stock no groceries and don't know how to cook then complain it's too expensive to eat out all the time. Everything in their lives seems like "me me me." They're quick to ditch me if something is going on with one of their friends and don't think to tell me if they suddenly go out of town for a camping trip or to visit family. They constantly change times when we plan to meet-up. If I mention that I'm frustrated with my job or living arrangments, their best answer is "Oh, that's tough." Then they turn around and get upset because I'd like to spend less time with them and keep visits to a minimum amount of hours so I can go home afterwards. The current guy I've been dating I tried to nicely explain this to him. Do you think he gets it? No, he does not.

I do agree with you regarding my boyfriend seeming annoyed at me for "having the hallmarks of being the age you are yet choosing to be involved with someone that age." That was something that we got into a fight about quite a lot. I used to yell at him repeatedly that what did he expect from a teenager other than a low-paying job? And if he wanted me to ever make a better wage he'd have to support things like college and the possibility of us moving to another city with a better job market. He'd get angry when we tried to plan things out re the idea that he might have to take more of the financial responsibility and I was not trying to be unfair but it made greater sense (to me at least) since he already had a career and a stable income while those were things I was trying to work out.

When I met him, he had previously lived with a girlfriend with two kids and had gotten formally engaged to her with a wedding date set. But she had ended up in a rehab and her kids were taken away from her. He had gotten a roommate in her place and had been on his own for several months before meeting me, and that scenario obviously played into things.

Getting back to the rest of it, I know most people see my age as the age you are just starting out. It is very hard for me to see things that way when I've been on my own for so long and have all this behind me. And I do genuinely fear running out of time. 35 doesn't sound like a long way off to me. It sounds very close. And that makes it harder for me to make any decisions right now.

I really do appreciate you helping me with this. You're right and I do agree that I need to be outside of this relationship at this point and, yes, the idea of it is extremely daunting. I'm just hoping that you are right that I can build a better life especially when I know I'll always be holding onto these memories.

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Heather
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You know, I wasn't in a shelter, but I was on-street now and then, and probably in some similar spots as you were in my teens (and of course, similar things usually get all of us in those places, so I'm willing to bet you didn't grow up with the most awesome family, either). And I get you: I remember finding it hard to relate to a lot of other people who hadn't been through similar things.

Are you connected, in any way, with other folks who have lived more similar lives?

But I also don't think that, for instance, you can only have a boyfriend in a way that's about moving fast to marriage and kids or living together because of that. I think you can probably ease into relationships or just hang out like anyone else. (Heck, people my age can still do that, too.)

These relationships since then, are you putting some of the things you want and need out on the table early, before you even get to the possibility of weekend stay-overs, for example?

To boot, do you think now is the right time for you for dating yet, especially anything beyond dates that are super-casual and not with an eye on anything long-term? You've been through a whole lot of crap, including with a big-time relationship, so it's possible it might be too soon. I'd say it's also possible that it might feel all the more frustrating because you're juggling a whole lot at once right now. I'm also not entirely certain that relationship was an emotionally healthy one, and it tends to take longer to process something unhealthy after a split than something healthy, and longer to kind of restart ourselves as we are, by ourselves. If you grew up with abuse, neglect or other unhealthy dynamics, then you have to add on even more processing time, especially if you didn't really have any from when you left home until you wound up smack in the middle of a serious, live-in, plan-for-marriage relationship.

But I still think you're just starting out at 22, just like I think I was, even though, like you, I'd been taking care of myself for a long time (and was starting my first business, to boot). But my starting out, your starting out and someone else's might not all look the same. And seriously, 35 is a long way off from 22. Once you get there, looking back it'll seem like you blinked, but getting there will take it's own sweet time. [Smile]

[ 05-21-2012, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Also: one more thing?

We don't always hold on to our memories. The older we get, the more there is filling our heads from our lives, and also the more crummy our memory gets.

So, you won't always have all the memories of this relationship. What you'll likely have, on and off, and more off the longer time passes, are some of them, and that doesn't just mean memories of what felt good either, but what sucked.

I don't think memories of this relationship need to or even likely will inhibit you creating your own life, and a life where you value yourself and anyone else you choose to let into your life really values you, too, and for who you are, not who they want you to be, or for who they think THEY can be if they're with you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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the stars never rise
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Thanks for sharing with me about your college experiences.

I haven't been trying to rush anything with the new guys I've been dating, or at least I don't feel that I have. With the current guy I'm seeing we ended up butting heads after he repeatedly switched times and days with me. He's the first one where I was really open about how I was feeling and I tried to say that I'm dealing with a lot and having to re-think a lot of things in my life, blah, blah, blah, and I really don't feel like playing highschool games. I said that if we're not planning our lives together here, then I need time and space to plan my own rather than dealing with your 3am nightmares and running around to come out and see you at a minute's notice. That's just a nuisance for me.

He came back at me with that he would really need to think about having kids and marrying because that's a big decision. I'm presuming he was being sarcastic or I'd hope because otherwise he's an idiot. I tried to nicely explain that this has nothing to do with whether or not we'll go down that road, and I said I didn't think that we would, but about the fact that I need a more adult relationship right now in the sense that I need someone who understands some of what I'm dealing with right now and isn't going to have me run around on their behalf all the time. I'd like to just hang out and take things slow, but what I'm getting is someone who thinks I should walk around all the time with a packed bag, not eat for 3 days in a row, and limits my visits to spending the night over then wants to act like this is a relationship and ask me why I'm in that part of town and who am I with or show up at my house at 1 in the morning. I don't entirely know what I'm expecting here, but something a little better than that. Like I really do like going to work in clean underwear.

You're right and I do need a lot of processing time, because a year has not gotten me any further. I have considered moving back at points throughout this year. Everything about it has been extremely difficult.

And I'm not currently connected with anyone who has had a similar life. The only times that I have been it seems it wasn't a good thing. My boyfriend had left home early himself and had some other similar experiences. But as for right now, no. As far as my family- No, it wasn't awesome. My stepfather went on trial twice during my teens and that resulted in my mother leaving me at a homeless shelter when I was 14. I did get sent to live with my father for a time, but I ran away.

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Heather
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Can I ask why, when obviously you would have been dating less than a year, you were even talking about kids and marrying with someone you were dating?

In terms of connecting with others who have been in similar places, would you want to? And let's say we're not talking romantically, nor with anyone you're having sex with, since it's kind of sounding like that's where most of your effort at relationships has been going (though it's entirely possible that's not so, these are just the relationships you're talking about here right now).

(And I'm so sorry to hear about how it was for you growing up. A stepfather was really the central maker-of-the-big-bad for me, too, and I also know how much it can hurt like holy hell when it feels -- or literally is -- a parent kind of throwing you to the wolves because of their romantic relationship.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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the stars never rise
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We weren't talking about it in the sense of "Let's go get married and have kids." We've been dating for maybe 3 months. I was talking to him about my last relationship and I suppose he somehow misinterpreted what I was trying to say since what I said was, like what I said to you, those were things I had been thinking about in my last relationship and am now trying to figure out what I want out of life if not that with my ex.

I suppose I would be interested in meeting people who have similar life experiences, yes. And as to my family again, that really was how it was for me as well. My mother always put her new romantic relationship ahead of everything else, including herself, and was never shy to tell me that my stepfather was more important to her than I was.

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the stars never rise
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We weren't talking about it in the sense of "Let's go get married and have kids." We've been dating for maybe 3 months. I was talking to him about my last relationship and I suppose he somehow misinterpreted what I was trying to say since what I said was, like what I said to you, those were things I had been thinking about in my last relationship and am now trying to figure out what I want out of life if not that with my ex.

I suppose I would be interested in meeting people who have similar life experiences, yes. And as to my family again, that really was how it was for me as well. My mother always put her new romantic relationship ahead of everything else, including herself, and was never shy to tell me that my stepfather was more important to her than I was.

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Heather
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Oh, gal, I understand all too well. I'm so sorry. ::fistbump::

And I get you about the marriage discussion: was just checking.

I'm heading out for the night, but I'll check back in first thing tomorrow, and we can keep talking if you like.

If you want to leave me some more directions you'd like to take our conversation in in the meanwhile, feel free.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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