As some of you know, I just transferred from a community college to a 4 year University. Donít get me wrong, I love it here, but Iím going through a really ďstressed outĒ period.
Since I made up my mind to become a doctor, Iíve worked hard and done really well. In the past 2 years, Iíve only made one b.
Since coming here, Iíve had 6 exams. One the grade is still pending on, and Iím really nervous. Of the others, Iíve made one A, 2 Bís, 1 C, and failed one. To make it worse, I studied really hard, and for the one I made a C on, I went into the room sure Iíd get 100Ö
Iím really, really worried. If my GPA slips, Iím going to ruin my chances of getting into Med school. And no one I know understands how huge of a deal it is to me. Itís the only thing that I want. If I feel like I donít get accepted, Iíll never feel happy, accomplished, or successful ever again. Every time I voice my concerns about not getting in to my mom or my therapist, they start talking about alternative careers. And I know Iím doing well enough that I should be able to get a job and all after I finish even if I donít get accepted, but I donít think anything else will make me happy.
Where I came from, I was the ďsmartĒ one. Iíve always managed to pull Aís, if I care enough. Iíve been used to being told that I am smart all my life, and have had that idea reaffirmed by grades. Now, I feel like I was only intelligent by small town standards and now that Iím at a respected university, Iím just mediocre.
I know I should probably ease up on myself. Coming here has been a huge life change as well as an academic one. And I know I went through a similar crisis when I switched from homeschooling to public school in the 8th grade, and I pulled through that so well, I was given an award. So, I guess thereís no reason that couldnít happen again, but the stakes are just SO, SO high.
To top it all off, Iíve spent the last 3 hours cleaning cat pee off my 2 suitcases. Iím scared Iíll never get the smell out, which it really upsetting since theyíre brand new, and one of them was really expensive.
Iíve had him for 2 months, and he never did it until this week. Heís now done it twice. I think heís distressed because I havenít been home much this week because Iíve had to study SO much. But, I canít stay home just to keep my cat happy.
I was talking to my mom about getting my cat neutered so heíll stop doing that. She suggested that before I put the money in, I should think really hard about whether I want to keep him or not. She mentioned about how I want to travel, and how heíll stand in the way of that.
And sheís right. I really want to visit my sister this summer, and I canít afford to take him on the plane. I also wanted to do a study abroad at some point. At this point, I know absolutely no one who could watch him for me for an extended period of time. But I donít want to get rid of him. A lot of the time I feel like I would be lonely without him around. I also rescued him from being a homeless kitty and I would hate the idea that some less responsible owner would send him back to that life.
This is also the first evening of spring break. As far as Iíve been able to tell, every single one of my friends except the girl Iím avoiding (see http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/008715.html for details) have gone home for the weekend. My roommates were also kind enough to leave me with an overflowing sink full of dishes on the way out to their respective beach vacations.
I know I shouldnít let this bother me. Iím going to see my family Monday and Tuesday, so Iíll get to see my mom, siblings, and all my old work friends. Wednesday, Iím driving out to my best friend at another college to stay with her for a few days. Itís not like Iíll be alone all week, and I should be glad for a chance to rest. But somehow, I really wish I was able to do something social this weekend.
Iím just really stressed about everythingÖ I should feel better- I survived this week, and I donít have to go to school for over a week. But I could just really use a hug right nowÖ
Posts: 444 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009
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*hugs* if you want them. I'm sorry to hear about your bad week. That sure is a lot do deal with right now and I hear you on the roommate and cat thing. These things always seem to crop up at the most inopportune moments. I would like to ask though why you think you should feel better. When you describe your last week in terms of survival I'd say it's more than okay to feel down at the moment. Do you think you could take some time this weekend to take care of yourself and ease up on yourself a little bit?
I have to say I'm impressed with your passion and drive regarding your future job. Is there someone else (other than your mom and therapist) you can talk to/ someone who just has your back on this? Is it possible to retake those exams you weren't happy with or would that completely upset everything?
I'm not sure how much I can help, but you know what - if you were a friend of mine and close by I just would want to wrap you in a blanket, offer you some tea or hot chocolate and tell you that it is okay. That it is okay to be scared and that it is okay to not know right now how you are going to handle the situation with your cat, that it is okay to be down and that you are (and will be) okay and have so much more to offer than just your smarts.
Posts: 30 | From: Europe | Registered: Jan 2011
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I'm not sure how much this helps, but try to remember that a perfect GPA is absolutely not necessary for med school. If anything my advisers say about med and grad school is true, a good amount of lab/clinic hours (I'm sure your volunteering at ST looks fabulous) and a good GPA is always better than fewer hours and a better GPA.
In classes like that at big universities, there is always going to be someone smarter than you. That doesn't mean you aren't intelligent (and it seems obvious to me from your posts that you are quite so). The intelligence distributions in those classes are significantly skewed to the right.
Those are things I find helpful to remind myself of in times like this. I hope some of that helps you too.
Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2010
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Hey i am also a pre med major and i know EXACTLY how you feel. My school has a tendency to screw their students over with too many core classes, not to mention taking your major classes alongside too. My best advice is to breathe and take things slow. just because you got one or two bad grades doesn't mean your out of the running for medical school. From what i've read, med schools like to see you make improvements. So take this as a learning experience! And if you can, take on an easy minor to help bring up your gpa. I am taking organic chemistry alongside with a bunch of other hard classes and i am actually DYING but in the end it helps me realize that all this hard work will pay off. And it will pay off for you too, trust me.
Hang in there!
Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012
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