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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » My brother is getting tired of me

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Author Topic: My brother is getting tired of me
Member # 77108

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(Out of Topic: I finally came out [Big Grin] Only to my 3 best friends and my brother)

I came out to him (my brother) like, two months ago and I thought he was gonna be like, you know, like upset or something... But he didn't. He's way too homophobic, but, somehow, he didn't say a hurtful thing to me. First he was kinda dissapointed, then sad, and finally he said he was cool with it.
We have talked about my sexual orientation just like, five times, the last time we talked about this, (before tonight) I told him I was never going to talk about my sexual orientation again 'cause I felt like he was kinda awkward, but he said he liked to know this about me 'cause it made him feel special since he's the only one who knows about me, but, tonight we talked about it, just because I felt -and I'm still feeling- really bad. I wanted someone to talk to and since he's the only one at my house who know this about me I came to talk to him. But he started to say: "I think you're just trying to get attention. Everything you talk about has something to do with lesbians or bisexuality and everything you said is about you and things like that. All this started when you said you wanted to be different. I don't know. Suddenly everything is all about you and lesbians. You said this about your clothes and things like that".

I don't know what to do.
I'm kinda confused [Confused]
He said it was ok to know things about me, that he liked to know it.
I have never talked about sex, only about how I feel. I think I'm talking too much.
I feel like, I shouldn't have came out to him.
I need some advise, please [Frown]

Please, forgive any mistake this may have u___u


Posts: 7 | From: Mexico | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Member # 44338

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Congrats on coming out! As you know that can be super hard to do, but it can often feel great when you do.

Well, I'm glad at least that your brother's initial reaction was better than one might have expected from someone who's homophobic. His more recent behaviour, however does seem a bit off putting. I'm not really sure what you can do about this. How long ago did you come out to your brother? It may very well have come as a shock to him when you did come out and perhaps that's why he is reacting in the way he is. Before your coming out you never discussed this with him and now you are, so it could easily feel like that's all you ever talk about to him. You could try talking about other things to him, to remind him that you're more than just you orientation.

And I don't say any of the above to excuse the hurtful things that he said to you, those things were just unfair and ridiculous. I just say the above because, well you can only talk to some one as much as they can handle you talking to them (no matter what their capacity to listen to you talking about it is influenced by).

Can you talk to one or more of your three best friends about this? How have they been in terms of accepting you for coming out?

(PS, your grammar and spelling is perfect, especially since your first language isn't English [Smile] )


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 77108

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Aww! Thank you :3 I'm always giving my best! And, sorry for the delay, I had a very tiring day.

And well, I think it was october's last week when I decided to come out to him. We have always talked about music, random videogames stuff and tv shows. We are still talking about music and some videogames, but, whenever something like a rainbow or anything LGBT-related appears, he starts to make these faces even if we were only talking about music! Now he sees rainbows everywhere, even on games or cd covers [Frown]

We used to talk a lot, but now, I feel him so distant sometimes...

I do have my friends, but two of them are girls and as far as I know they are both straight. It's kinda awkward to talk about me with them, we have been friends since I was like 13 and we can talk about everything; school, guys, homework and such, and we're not even in the same state. We do talk about me, but only when it is extremly necessary. (I tried once and fortunately they did understand me, but they were like "Let's talk about something more else").

With my other friend it's different. He's a guy, straight (but sometimes he's playing about his sexuality saying he's gay for Syn. Gates), and he understands every single thing I say, he has never felt weird talking to me, in fact, he says he's glad about the way I am. Actually, I didn't even need to come out to him. He just guessed and he knew it! He knows me pretty well and he's the only one I can really trust but he's not always avaliable, we're in different colleges, I got tons of homework, and he's now working too. We don't have enough time to talk, and whenever I want someone to talk to I "save" what I wanted to say till the next day or week, or whenever he's free of work [Frown]

I talked with my brother today about music, I helped him with his homework and thank God nothing went wrong. I think I'll give him time, at least a month.

And again, please forgive the mistakes!


Posts: 7 | From: Mexico | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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