I dunno what's up with me... it's not like I'm normally depressed or anything, but I go from days where I'm really motivated and focused and get a lot done, such as art or sit for hours reading and learning stuff. On those days I have a hard time sleeping as well, and will average about 4 hours sleep a night. But there are other days I feel completely unmotivated, and I'll just lie around doing nothing.
I have a hard time stopping things once I start, it can be dangerous when at parties because I'll just drink non-stop sometimes. I used to chain smoke weed for a few years too, sometimes it's hard to tell my brain to stop. Even if I go to the gym, I'll run for hours and hours on end. This isn't always the case though, other times I can show restraint, it's just when my brain is in a manic state.
Another way this manifests is feeling hypersexual, I can go ages without any sexual urges, then when I'm in that manic frame of mind I just feel turned on all the time...
I used to get extremely depressed between these phases as well, but normally I just force myself to do something or sit and play xbox for hours on the days I'm not motivated.
My uncle was bipolar and there is a history of mental illness in my family, on both sides. So I kind of worry that I'm not stable, yet if I harness the energy I have when I feel manic, I can pretty much set my mind to anything I want to achieve, like the other day I spent six hours drawing a picture non-stop. I just hate the crash and burn that happens.
Recently I've been trying to remember to slow down, but it's hard cause some days my thoughts just race so much. It can be hard to simply slow down and enjoy the moment.
Edit: I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago, I don't know if any of these are symptoms of that. But I had some of them before what happened to cause it.
And come to think of it I guess I kinda feel depressed today, like nothing matters, I'm just apathetic to life... but in a few days I'll probably be all ambitious and energetic again... It's not unbearable, but the constant up and down is wearing me out.
Hi Jack, when these feelings and behaviours are affecting your life as much you're describing here, the best thing is to talk to your usual mental health provider or GP. I agree that some of these things like drinking non-stop at parties can be very dangerous and I'd encourage you to ask for help so things can get better. What do you think about doing that?
Thanks a lot for responding, I'll definitely check out Headspace. There is also a youth group in my area that is doing great work and has helped me out immensely recently, so I might see about getting more involved with them. Plus I could also look into seeing the psychologist I had a couple of years ago. Because my PTSD was caused by a natural disaster, I can visit a mental health professional for virtually no cost... I'm fortunate for that and should probably take advantage of it.
Posts: 27 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2011
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