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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Crazy Psycho Ex-Boyfriend

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Author Topic: Crazy Psycho Ex-Boyfriend
Jasmine Ethier
Neophyte
Member # 58718

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Hello Scarleteen,

Sorry if this is not the right forum to post in. It seemed relevant.

Long story short, my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of march (almost six months ago). For about two months I had trouble with it, we hooked up, etc.

I finally broke it off for good in the summer.

He tried to contact me a bunch of times but I ignored him.

Now that the school year has started, I am talking to a new guy. He is a senior, I am a junior. I am starting to really fall for him.

But my crazy ex has been messaging me on fb (he is now blocked), messaging the guy I'm dating on fb to ask him questions, sending me texts from other people's phones (because his number is blocked), and he has tried following me home.
He tells everyone that he is taking antidepressants and that I'm a heartbreaking bitch, a whore etc.

My mom and friends strongly encourage me to talk to my school counselor. I am close to her so I am sure she can help.
My mom also doesn't want to talk to his parents because of tensions they had in the past.


I'm honestly pretty freaked out and scared, I was just wondering of anyone else had advice for me.

Please & Thanks so much.

[ 09-25-2011, 02:09 AM: Message edited by: Jasmine Ethier ]

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Resiliency is key.

Posts: 14 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BrightStar171
Peer Ambassador
Member # 64549

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I'm really sorry this is happening to you- I know how scary this sort of stalking behavior can be.

You should definitely talk to your school counselor- she can almost certainly be of help, especially since a lot of the typical techniques people use to deal with stalkers don't work as well if you go to the same school. (I'm assuming you do? That's what it sounds like.)

You might want to talk with your counselor and see if there are any easy resolutions first, but after that you may also want to consider talking to the police. Stalking laws vary a lot from state to state, but the police may be able to give you some useful advice on how to protect yourself, and how to preserve evidence of his communications with you in case you ever decide you might want to press charges against him, or if his behavior escalates. (Then, if you have a record of him stalking you, it's a lot easier for them to prove a case against him.)

The other really big thing you can do- and you may have done this, or part of this, already - is to make it clear to him that his behavior is frightening and unacceptable. Tell him flat out to stop contacting you, and that you won't respond if he does so again. And then do it. Don't respond to his texts, ignore whatever he posts on facebook, screen your calls (as in, don't pick up the phone from anyone who you don't trust not to give him their phone). This is harder because you go to school together, but your counselor may be able to help with that (for instance, she may be able to keep you from being in the same classes, eating lunch in the same cafeteria, etc). When people act like this, it's because they want attention from you. They want to see you get mad or scared. And as hard and as frustrating as it is, the best way to break someone of this sort of behavior is to not give them the satisfaction of a response from you.

Your counselor may be able to suggest other, less drastic solutions that will work better in a school environment, and certainly the scarleteen staff might have a lot more to say. This is just my two cents having tried to help friends in this sort of situation before- it's hard and it's scary and you need to be careful of your safety, but you can get away from your ex.

Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jasmine Ethier
Neophyte
Member # 58718

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Thank you so much [Smile] that was a very reassuring post.

& yes, we go to the same school, but we don't have classes together. He still talks to my friends all of the time though and I am forced to avoid all of them when he's around.

Also, I have tried on many different occasions to ask him to leave me alone, to stop messaging me and to leave the guy I'm dating alone as well.sometimes I would even yell and make a scene at school in attempts to make him walk away. But it never works, and he just ignores my requests, says ''stop telling me what to do,' and asks over and over what he did wrong to deserve this. It's pretty sickening.

But anyways, I will take it to my counselor. He hasn't threatened to hurt me but he has made some dangerous sounding remarks about my current 'boy' (lack of a better word).

I have screenshots of the messages he has sent me and I have more than enough witnesses if need be.

I am scared, I won't pretend I'm not. But thanks for the response - it means a lot.

& my heart goes out to any others that have experienced this

[ 09-25-2011, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Jasmine Ethier ]

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Resiliency is key.

Posts: 14 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BrightStar171
Peer Ambassador
Member # 64549

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Best of luck- feel free to keep us posted on your progress- we might have more to suggest over time.

And what you said about yelling and making a scene to try and make him go away- it's such a perfect example of why stalkers like this are so screwed up. He feels hurt or angry because of the breakup, and thinks he's entitled to any girl he's interested in. Since you're not doing what he wants, he wants to hurt you back- and when he sees you get upset, he knows it's working. That's the absolute hardest part with these people- getting mad at them every time actually reinforces their behavior, because that's exactly what they want. So screwed up. (Your counselor can tell you more about this, probably.)

I'll be sending positive thoughts your way, ok? No one deserves to be treated like this.

Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Such great advice, BrightStar171. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67102 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jasmine Ethier
Neophyte
Member # 58718

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Yes, my mom has been very supportive through this whole situation, and she made it clear that instead of giving him a reactioon like he wants, I should continue ignoring him. That's what he doesn't want - to see that what he is doing isnt working.

I have talked to my counselor and she told me that she understands and will get it taken care of, and she also said that I could come in anytime for help if he bothered me again.

& yes indeed, you gave me amazing advice, it is much appreciated. [Smile]

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Resiliency is key.

Posts: 14 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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