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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Survivors of Stalking?

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Author Topic: Survivors of Stalking?
Member # 49522

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Hey...I was just looking through the support groups and saw that there was not one for survivors of stalking. I understand that might be counted as a type of "harassment" or that there's not a large group of people who have dealt with this here, and if so, feel free to delete/ignore this post. But I was just wondering if there were any other members out there who had dealt with this and might want to share stories/advice.

I have been a victim of stalking for about half a year now...things are finally starting to settle out, but now I'm encountering a whole new realm of issues. I'm speaking with a counselor, but I don't know anyone else who has dealt with this, and I would really like to hear from other with the same experience.

I guess, what I wanted to know (from those of you who are survivors) is how you deal with a stalker once the ordeal is finally over. What do you do if you are forced to interact with them? How do you go back to normal life when you spent half a year looking over your shoulder, hating someone? How do you ever trust yourself to choose a partner again after something like this? How do you trust anyone? How do you move past the paranoia? Please, let me know - you all must have dealt with this. What do you do?

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Moire O'Searcaigh
Member # 75063

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Hey, I know how it to feel like not knowing what to do next. I was a victim of stalking when I was quite young, living in Texas. I had a science teacher who had a bit of a crush on me, and he basicly sexually harrassed me (not intercourse but almost), which caused him to lose his job. I was underage, only 15 at the time. So the teacher, I don't know, wanted revenge or something, for loss of his job, and he called me on my telephone a lot, until it got to where I just wouldn't answer if it was him. Then somehow, he found where I was living. Luckily, I wasn't home at that point of time, I was in Seattle, but the man I was living with (platonic friend) was, and when Teacher got a little threatening, he took some action to get him out of the house. Long story short, the police were called, and Teacher went to gaol.

It was hard to deal with at first, but my therapist friend helped me realise it wasn't my fault, and what warning signs to look out for so I didn't get into position for such a thing to happen again. So that was what helped me back to a normal life pretty much. As for trusting anyone, well, you shouldn't. Not at first. Always get to know someone well before you give details that might help a stalker. But in every case it differs. I was saved, luckily, by the police guard for once, but when the stalker's still out there... it's hard. If it gets bad, of course, call a police guard. I wish you good luck in this, and I apologise for my bad English, as I am rather tired and my ENglish starts to go [Smile]

Posts: 17 | From: Northern Ireland | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33078

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While not directly stalked, an extremely close friend of mine had filed two restraining orders by the time she was 17, and I helped her deal with yet another one, here are a few things she told me/ I learned: (In no particular order)

1) When it's happening, have a friend with you. You'll have that extra sense of security during the time.

2) Make it clear you don't want to be contacted.
Sometimes, almost exclusively in high school, poor social skills can be blamed- person wants to talk to a person, but there's always people around, which leads to the appearance of stalking. Sometimes, it's that easy. Otherwise, you've taken the first step in being able to get official help (Such as the police involved)

3) Tell other people it's happening. Once my friend told us what was happening, we arranged things to keep an eye out. By also telling the local law enforcement, you can start the "squeaky wheel" if it gets really really bad. (This works better on a college campus, where there's public safety)

As for after, here's how my friend personally dealt with it:

1) In spite of being the nicest person I know, she tolerated nothing from these people. She saw them, they got what they deserved.

2) She kept a fairly out of sight, out of mind approach.

I'm sorry that what I know isn't too good for the after part, only for the during.

"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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