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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Shyness....

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Author Topic: Shyness....
no0dy
Neophyte
Member # 38110

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Well, I have been a really shy person for most of my life. But I think it's starting to get to the stage where it is making my life hell, I feel as if people think im " boring " ect..

I think the reason to my shyness started in my early school years when I was about 9 or 10.. I never really found it easy to make alot of friends, and was the one people always picked on, I was the one they always made fun off. In my mid to late teens I had suffered from really bad ongoing depression till the early part of this year( I posted it on here a while ago, but I think it was on my old user name ). I still have some kind of depression but it's no where near as bad as it was before when I couldn't really find myself to be happy. But I think the shyness has come from that also, cos of the fact that in that long period of time I closed alot of people out of my life, as I wanted to be alone.

I think some other part has to do with, I don't trust people easy. Alot of the people I have become close to in the past with either done wrong by me, or have just pissed off out of my life for there own stupid reason. My last two girlfriends where crap, one was a compulsive lair, and the other cheated on me and I think that has something to do with it also.

I don't really have many mates atm, but the reason this has come to mind and me posting it is because my best mate had a talk with me today.. me and her are really close and because of that she tells things me as it is, even if it means I could get upset, she knows it's for my own good, and in the end she is only trying to help. More or less what she said to me is, im really awkward.. and that im the kinda person that makes other people awkward cos I'm awkward.Which when thinking about it is right.

I don't talk to people really, unless I know them kinda well that's wat my issue is.. that and things that have happened with my past.I'm also very tense when I am around people I been told, which makes sense.She also said that yeh, even tho things have been hard in the past,people have been cunts to you, you didn't do any of them, you need to stop punishing yourself for other peoples wrong doing or other wise your going to be like this forever ect ect.. which is right.

She is not the kinda person that is just gonna dump me out of her life, she isn't like that along with the other hand full of other people.. But I don't wanna be that guy anymore.. I don't wanna be the one that just sits there and feels awkward.. I feel like I am boring person.. she said she is going to help me, But I feel as if this is a bigger issue then just one person can fix.

I don't want to be the center of attention by all means, but I don't wanna be that nobody that sits in the corner and people think in there head " wdf is wrong with this dude ".. How can I change the way that I am? what can I do to become more confident in myself? I just want this to somehow change.. I know that the friends I do have atm are always going to be there, but im starting to get the feeling that they are kinda thinking... eh, I care about him and all, but I wanna have a fun night, not some awkward boring one. And tbh.. I don't blame them one bit.. I mean who would wanna hang out with someone like that.. I know I wouldn't.. But yeh, before people start saying well there not really mates if there gonna be like that.. this is only the way I feel, and what I think.. they really do care alot about me.

but yeh.... any advice would be great..

[ 02-11-2011, 07:30 AM: Message edited by: no0dy ]

Posts: 6 | From: sydney | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Hi Noody,

I hear you saying that you would like some help with making some changes in how you approach life. You’ve said that that you would like to build up your self confidence too. Have you thought about seeking some professional counseling? I understand that you that you have a friend who is willing to help, but I also heard you say that “But I feel as if this is a bigger issue then just one person can fix.” Counseling can be awkward at first, as it takes a little time to build up your trust in them; but, as I can personally attest, it can be very helpful. [Big Grin]

--------------------
Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bump on a log
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Member # 60751

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I've been cripplingly shy all my life and relate strongly to most of what you've written. All I can offer is that sometimes people can find themselves a niche. You may never be the life of the party but you could get a line in humour people enjoy, or be the one who makes himself useful by watching people's drinks...If people are intoxicated enough and having sufficient fun, they will often forget about the person sat in the corner anyway. You could address it quite directly, say, "I'm just gonna sit here quietly, that's how I party, don't mind me."

I've also found that often if you get desperate enough you will do something. When I was hopelessly in love in high school I would sometimes get my courage together and phone the girl, even though it left me a shaking sweating weeping wreck to do so, because I wanted to see her so terribly much.

Posts: 170 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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