I'm only 14 years old, and I've been thinking about dying a lot. Not really suicide, but like "okay with dying". Sure, I see plenty ahead of me, I guess. But I'm too scared to tell anyone anything. I was thinking in school, and I thought that where life is right now, I was okay with dying. I kept kind of almost daydreaming of going to a hospital, being with my family, and them being okay with my dying, and it'd be a painless death. Like getting put under with that stuff they use for surgeries, but instead you don't wake up I guess. I feel like I've gotten to a point in my life where I just feel empty. And I hate how when I do show emotion, people can be jerks to me. And I try kind of hinting to my friends that somethings up, but they just end up dumping thier problems and crap on me, and being mean to me. What's worse is that I think I'm more mature then my friends because instead of getting angry or sad like I used to I just get more and more disappointed each day. And it's like I still take all the crap from them. I'v told only two people really, and I ask them to help but they just give me sympathy. They don't even know everything. I don't know what to do. I just kind of want to fade away right now.
Posts: 5 | From: WI | Registered: Dec 2010
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Between this, and your other post here on ST, it sounds to me like you're in deep crisis.
With someone who is self-harming, who's voicing that they feel life is meaningless, and who talks about finding the idea of dying pleasant, what is needed is immediate help.
And unfortunately, that's not the kind of help we can provide her, due to the limitations of our service: this is an online service, and it sounds like you'd benefit most from in-person help right now.
What we CAN do is help you find someone in-person who can help: If you're still in school this week, the absolute best person to talk to would be your school counselor. They are trained specifically to handle situations such as this, and while they cannot provide long-term therapy, they can help you in the short term, and they can refer you out to another counselor or therapist. If that's not an option anymore, then something else you can do is call a crisis hotline. You can find the phone-number to your local crisis hotline online or in the phonebook, and calling those hotlines is free and anonymous. The people there, too, will be able to provide immediate help and refer you to in-person resources near you. And, finally, you can confide in your parents or another relative or trusted mentor, and ask them to help you find counseling.
[ 12-21-2010, 04:20 AM: Message edited by: September ]
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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