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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » absolute chaos

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Author Topic: absolute chaos
butterflies19
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Member # 47959

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Within the last twenty four hours my girlfriend has been outed by her parents. Within those twenty four hours she's been transfered schools so they can keep her away from me. In these hours we committed to each other. Also within this time I've been told I may never get to see her again. To say the least, I'm a complete disaster.
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Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Butterflies, I'm SO incredibly sorry you're going through this, and it's completely understandable you're a mess. What do you feel you need and what would help you most right now?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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butterflies19
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Thanks. I think the only thing that can make me feel better is her. I miss her so badly and it hasn't even been a day yet. I'm just so worried for her because she's a complete disaster too, and we both didn't even know she was leaving until the end of school today.
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-Firefly-
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This sounds like such an incredibly difficult situation, Butterflies. Is there anyone that could intervene with your girlfriend's parents on your behalf? Do you have any in-person support right now?

Also, please feel free to vent and rant here as much as you need. We're here to listen and try to help as much as possible.

[ 11-23-2010, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: blysse_norwood ]

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Vero
Scarleteen Volunteer
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butterflies19
Neophyte
Member # 47959

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I talked to everyone who could possibly do anything, and no one can do anything. I tried almost everything. I'm going to go talk to a psychologist soon and tell her what happened since I'm not out yet, so its such a delicate situation. But, I promised her if something like this happened I would stop it from happening, that I'd make sure someone would stop it from happening, and now I found out that I basically couldn't do anything. And the time prior to this she's been so depressed over things and just moody, and I'm so worried for her because when I call her, when her parents arent home, we'll just try and be talking like everything is ok .because I promised our guidence counselor that I'd be strong for her and not cry when I talked to her, we'll just be talking and then she'll just suddenly go into spuratic crying. One of the times she was crying she was saying that she felt like she was dying. I can't take seeing her like this. I mean, I can't eat, I can barely sleep. It's all I can think about. And since the reason her parents found out is because I wrote her a note and they found it in her bookback, I can't help but feel that this could be prevented and that I have some major fault in this, even though everyone has told me it isn't my fault. And it kills me to not be able to tell her how upset I am and just say when she asks me how I'm doing that I'm fine and that I'm playing a game or something when really I'm sitting in my bedroom crying. And my family is just like "get over it. friends come and go." because they dont know we were together. And I just don't know how I'm going to be able to handle going back to school on Monday and her not being there. I mean, we have almost all our classes together and sit right next to each other, and we'd usually pass notes, or talk depending on the teacher. And at lunch we'd buy candy and eat it in our last two classes because those teachers didn't care. And she always would give me hugs and stuff and make me feel better in every situation, and now I might not see her again until she graduates. I mean, I didn't even get one last kiss or anything. Her dad came and said "you have fifteen minutes to say goodbye to all your teachers and friends starting now" and that was the end of it. I got him so angry because I almost followed them out to their car. But I didn't get to tell her I love her in person one more time, or anything because there were people there. There's so much I wanted to say and do and I'm never going to get to.
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-Firefly-
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It really isn't your fault, butterflies. I know it's really hard, but try not to blame yourself.

I also know this is really hard, but try to take care of yourself, even while you're trying to help her. I know you want to be strong, but sometimes that means admitting to your feelings. If it would help you, I think you can share with your girlfriend that you're also finding this incredibly difficult, that you are really upset and that you're trying to make things better. That doesn't make you weak or mean that you also can't try to help.

I'm glad you can go talk to a psychologist soon. In-person support is so important in difficult situations like these. Does your girlfriend have any in-person support too? You mentioned that she was depressed and that she felt like she was dying. Is she safe right now?

In the meantime, is there anything else that would help you at this time?

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Vero
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butterflies19
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she's feeling better i think to the point that i almost feel like im overreacting. she's going to go to a psychologist, but i think its because her parents are trying to change her. for this very second in time though i think shes safe.
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Karybu
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I'm glad to hear that she's feeling better. And, it may be that her seeing a psychologist turns out to be something good; a good psychologist or therapist will put their patient's best interests before everything else, and may be able to mediate a discussion between your girlfriend and her parents. (And hopefully explain that the way they are reacting is not helpful to anyone at all.)

How are you holding up? You mentioned you were going to see a psychologist as well, which is great, but do you have some in-person support until then? I and the other volunteers are more than happy to keep talking to you here, but having someone you can talk to in person is important too.

[ 11-24-2010, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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butterflies19
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I hope so, but I have a feeling her parents are going to get a psycho from the church. They wanted her to go to this one lady who isnt even certified.

I'm doing my best to hold up, but I'm just flipping from completely numb to bawling my eyes out all the time. I have one other friend who knows and shes been really good about it.

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Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'm really sorry to hear that. Obviously you don't have any control over who her parents send her to see, but if you're still in any contact with her, you might suggest that she speak to the guidance counselor at her new school if possible, or maybe a teacher she feels would be supportive, just so she's not totally alone and without some source of rational adult support.

I am glad to hear, however, that you have at least one friend you can talk to about this. What about your guidance counselor - is that an option as well? Friends are fantastic to have, but sometimes it's helpful to have someone who's a little bit more outside the situation. And what sorts of things are you doing to try to take care of yourself - what helps you through tough stuff? Reading, writing, going for walks or runs, listening to music, taking long baths.....obviously none of those are going to fix this, but something like writing can help you get your feelings out, and exercise is a really awesome source of endorphins that might help up your mood a little bit and help you keep calm.

[ 11-24-2010, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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butterflies19
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I can talk to her as of now, but I have no clue how much longer I have of that. I went down every avenue involving our guidence office, they cant do anything. What I've been doing to stay sort of sane is listening to music and just day dreaming about telling her parents off.
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Karybu
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I didn't mention guidance counselors primarily as a resource for helping sort this out in terms of getting your girlfriend transferred back to your school, but rather as a possible source of support: adults the two of you can talk to if you just need to vent, who are trained to listen well and help you sort through your feelings. (Similar to the way a therapist would - you mentioned going to see a psychologist soon, so I suggested talking to the guidance counselor as a sort of stop-gap measure until then.)

It's good that you've got a couple of different outlets for your feelings (music can be so therapeutic) but do you have anything to help keep you busy, too? Something you can do for awhile to sort of give yourself a break from thinking about all this?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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butterflies19
Neophyte
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a stop gap measure? ok, I'm going to look into it and call one of the ladies from the school. the whole thing those is that she's already enrolled in the other school. Her parents didn't wait or anything. I had to help her pack her things on tuesday.
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Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hey Butterflies, so sorry I haven't been around for a few days. How are you holding up?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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