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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » dazed (im pregnant) (Page 1)

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tiffanyan
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today i found out im pregnant, 10 weeks to be exact. it was a total shocker and something that im not prepared for. i must admit i was being a careless person messing around with any and every guy i could get with. call me trashy if u want i know its true. all i can think is what now? im not fit to be a parent. what should i do? i screwed up big time!!!
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Heather
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We don't call anyone names here or make character judgments about people based on their sexual choices or reproductive status.

When it comes to a pregnancy, you have two basic choices: you can choose to remain pregnant and plan to give birth, or you can terminate the pregnancy. If you choose to remain pregnant, you can parent or can arrange an adoption agreement.

If parenting is not something you feel ready to do or want to do, we're glad to talk with you about those other two options, or we can talk about all three.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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i dont know what i should do. a part of me want to terminate the pregnancy while the other part wants to keep it. at the same time i know im not fit to be a parent. then theres the thoughts of judgement i will be getting from my family if i choose adoption. i think i would be better off with a termination that way no one will know but at the same time i dont know how im going to deal with it.
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Heather
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It might help to know that there is no such thing as ANY emotionally easy pregnancy choice that's always easy for all women to deal with. There are many women who have had abortions they felt great about, many who have had abortions they have not, and the same is also true for choices women have made to do parenting or adoption.

What tends to make a choice more or less emotionally dealable and okay is mostly about making a choice that we, at that given time, feel is our own best choice. It also helps, no matter the choice we make, to educate ourselves on what a given choice involves.

So, is there a given choice or choices I can help get you more information on? Or (or in addition), would you like to use a helpful workbook to help you consider these choices, or arrange a pro-choice options counseling session with a clinic near you that provides those? That's a (usually) one hour session where a clinic worker and counselor who supports ALL choices helps you talk through making yours in person.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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I want to also make sure you know that you have time to make this choice if you need it, you don't have to choose today. With abortion, getting one after 12-13 weeks can be harder to access in some places, and is a more expensive and complicated procedure, but you have a legal window to take more time if you like.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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the workbook will be helpful and the counseling session. where would i be able to find that?

what do u mean by complicated procedure?

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Heather
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Sure thing.

Here's the link to the workbook:http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/

If you want to talk about anything that came up while doing it after, I'm glad to talk with you. We do options counseling online here, and I have also done it for people in a clinic in the past.

For an in-person counseling session, can you toss me your zip code? I'd be glad to see what's in your area.

Second-trimester procedures have an extra step first-trimester procedures don't. A first-trimester procedure is a one-day surgery, one that usually takes no more than 15 minutes or so once the procedure itself begins, and is earnestly very uncomplicated for most people. (Legal, medical abortion is also around 10 times safer than childbirth, just so you know: it's safe no matter what.) In first-trimester procedures, the cervix is dilated with instruments during your surgery. In most second-trimester procedures, the cervix needs to be dilated overnight with small dilators called laminaria. Then the next day, a patient comes back in, has those removed, and has the surgery they'd have had on a one-day visit.

Here's more information for you on abortion to review: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/all_about_abortion

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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my zip code is 45203
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Heather
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You have two local Planned Parenthood branches which offer options counseling, as well as other services (including abortion).

Those are:
Elizabeth Campbell Medical Center
2314 Auburn Ave
Cincinnati, OH 45219
P: 513.287.6484

Mary M. Yeiser Center
2016 Ferguson Road
Cincinnati, OH 45238
P: 513.574.4348

This center may also have options counseling, you can call to ask: http://www.womensmedcenter.com/locations/default.asp?id=2

All of those are pro-choice, they are not crisis pregnancy centers who will try and talk you out of abortion or tell you lies about abortion. They will be supportive of ALL your choices equally.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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thanks.

im so overwhelmed confused sad and numb all at the same time. i feel alone too even though i know im not the only one.

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Heather
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I understand. An unwanted pregnancy is usually very shocking and overwhelming.

I'm heading offline for the night, so how about you just look through that workbook for now?

As well, if you're thinking strongly about abortion, one of the clinics I work for has a really big, wonderful repository of women's first-person abortion stories. Some are happy, some sad, most somewhere in between, but they might make you feel a lot less alone. They're here: http://www.fwhc.org/stories/story1.htm

I'll be back again tomorrow, so after you sleep on this (and I sleep, period!), I'd be glad to talk to you some more if you like, either about deciding on what you want to do, making an options app't, or talking through any part of your feelings with this pregnancy, choice or the circumstances that led you here, okay?

Hang in there, it really will all be okay, whatever you choose. And no, you're not at all alone: whether you're talking about unwanted pregnancy and any choice with it or abortion, millions upon millions of us have been there, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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ok.

have a good night.

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Heather
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You too, and take care of yourself tonight.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Just wanted to check in with you today, see how you were doing, and if there was anything you needed.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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im pretty much overwhelmed and filled with uncertainty and sadness. when i got home from class i was so tired and now that im up still cant think straight and feel exhausted. as much as i want to i cant bring myself to call or go to one of the Planned Parenthood Centers. i worked on the workbook and read some of the personal stories too. i really want to pretend that this isnt happening but i know its something i cant ignore and have to deal with.
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Heather
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I understand.

What did you come away with so far from the workbook?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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it making me realize im in no position to raise a baby right now. i cant raise the baby by myself, i dont know who the father is so theres no way of getting help from him, i cant afford to raise the baby, and i dont have any type of support system. the more i think about it the more i want to keep it but i know it wouldnt be in the best interest for the baby because i wont be able to give it what it needs.
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Heather
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One thing that makes choices with pregnancy so tough is that we have to think of both what's best for us and what's best for a potential kid. That can be hard to do, especially if and when what we want may not be what we think is best for either or both parties.

Obviously, too, trying to figure out what's best for someone who we can't talk to or see, who we can't even really conceptualize because they're not born, can be so, so difficult.

So, given where you're at, it sounds like adoption or abortion are probably the two choices you might want to spend most of your energy thinking about and considering. I know you said your family would make adoption difficult for you, but if that is something you still want to explore, you certainly do have time to talk to an agency if you want, maybe see an adoption agency AND talk to someone at an abortion clinic?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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both adoption and abortion are two good chioices. for the second time in my life i feel instoppable [Frown]
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Heather
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The resources I gave you for options counseling will also be able to connect you with local adoptions agencies as well, if that's what you decide that you want.

Is there something I can do to help you make that phone call to set up that options appointment? You don't have to go just yet, just need to call and set a time.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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im going to make the call. its the right thing to do.
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Heather
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I think, most importantly, it will offer you what you need right now.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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thanks. ill get over it.
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tiffanyan
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I had an abortion and I'm sort of relieved. There are two things I can't help from thinking about, what could have been and having sex.
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Heather
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Do you want to talk about it? If so, glad to listen.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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i know i did the right thing. i keep thinking about what it would be like to have my own baby. its scary because i see myself struggling but it still feels like i can make it on my own. i dont think the baby would be too happy but we seem to be doing ok. now all i want to do is have sex so i can forget about it but i cant.
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Heather
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Well, perhaps then the thing to maybe think about is recognizing that want, but visualizing a different scenario? In other words, you just chose not to create a situation in which you and a baby are struggling. So, now what you can do, if you know parenting is something you want to do, is work towards creating a life where that can potentially happen without that struggling?

Sex can often be really lousy escapism, especially good sex. When we're having really good sex, we're in touch with ourselves and someone else, not out of touch or dissociated.

Perhaps obviously, we can't usually forget about any part of our lives on purpose, especially the big stuff. Is there something in any of this that feels painful to the point you want to forget it? If so, do you want to talk about what that is so maybe we can help you come up with some strategies/ways to manage and process those feelings?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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the most painful thing i want to forget about is sleeping around with anyone i could not really caring about the consequences which led me to the pregnancy. i really want to do better with not sleeping around but its the only time when i feel like i really matter. i wish i really cared more about myself but i dont.
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Heather
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So, you don't now, but you can.

Seems like you've had a wakeup call: that's a good thing, because if the only place you feel you matter is in bed, that's a pretty crap existence that you would have wanted to change anyway. You owe yourself a life much richer than that.

It's actually pretty common for women having abortions to find that it can help cultivate some positive life changes and help to become more active and less passive.

No one only matters in bed: no one. So, if that's the only place you have felt you mattered, what steps do you need to take to change that? For instance, what do you want to do with your life as a whole? What are your dreams? What are you doing to pursue them? What could you be doing to make THOSE happen instead of spending your time in bed with people not caring about yourself?

[ 04-30-2010, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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i think its time for me to go back to school and finish to get my associates degree. then get my bachelors and masters. i wanted to become a counselor or therapist but was unsure if i would be good enough. i was doing pretty good and passing all my classes i just didnt feel like i mattered. i think i really need to get back into school.
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Heather
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Great! We need more counselors and therapists and I see no reason to think you couldn't be good at it. It's especially valuable when counselors or therapists have had life experience where they know what tough challenges can feel like, which you have. [Smile]

Do you know where to get help and advice about getting back into school?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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yes i can go to the school advising center next week and they can help me with everything. i think i just have to believe in myself, thats something i dont do.
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Heather
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Fantastic. So, how about you do this: how about you borrow the faith I have in you to get there? Then, once you're there, you'll already have grown some more for yourself. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tiffanyan
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wow, really!!! thanks, no one has ever had faith in me. im not going to let you down!!!
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Heather
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If you haven't yet, I'd look back at this whole thread and see what you did here. You came in overwhelmed, and you got it together, made your own best choices, and you handled it.

I don't have any reason not to have faith in you and don't see any reasons for you not to, either.

So, let's maybe agree for you not to let YOU down. You know you want more than you've been giving yourself, and sounds like you know how to get started on changing that. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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