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Author Topic: can't stop
mookowkarma
Neophyte
Member # 45358

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Hi guys,
I've only been on this site for a little while, but it's been really helpful so far. A few months ago my boyfriend and I had dry sex...that turned kinda wet henhe leaked. I got really scared(even though there were four layers of clothing involved)and took multiple pregnancy tests and one was given by a doctor, all of which came back negative. This site has been kind enough to reassure me that I'm not pregnant, but for some reason I can't shake the feeling that I am. I can't. I can't stop worrying. I wish there was a machine they could stick me in to give me an answer I'll believe ad trust.
I haven't gotten a normal period since early January(which was really light anyway. I've had some brown and white discharge, which scared me. I keep staring at my stomach thinking that it's bloated and big. I just want to feel normal again.
I'm beginning to think something's wrong with me, that I shouldn't be doing anything with my boyfriend, that I don' deserve to feel good when I'm doing intimate things wth him. I mean if I can't handle the consequences then maybe I don't deserve to do them. I'm just really confused right now.

***Becca

Posts: 13 | From: college | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hs123
Activist
Member # 35336

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Hi there,
I'm around every once and awhile so I thought I'd pop by.
I'm really sorry you're feeling this way.
For one, I wouldn't say you deserve to feel this way, I wouldn't say that you don't deserve to feel good about being intimate with your partner. I might say that perhaps you weren't ready for the commitment- after all, physical intimacy does involve some sort of commitment on many levels, but to say that you don't deserve to feel good because of the way you feel right now just isn't true.

On you're fear of being pregnant:
Well, you're not. It seems obvious that you're stressed out and crazy things can happen to your periods when you're under a lot of stress- so chill out! It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy- you worry about it- your period it messed up- you think you're pregnant because of the worrying which made your period messed up... But we know you aren't.
So relax. Do something relaxing- yoga, watch some tv, go get some ice-cream, whatever you feel will relax you. By all means, talk about how you feel. What is making you worry about pregnancy so much? Have you talked to your boyfriend about your worries? Have you talked about laying off the physical activity for awhile? Do you think you can handle being physically intimate?
These are things to think and talk about...

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mookowkarma
Neophyte
Member # 45358

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Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.
I think you're right, I really wasn't ready. I've talked to him about this...a lot actually and he understands that I need a break from physical stuff. He's been great. I just feel like I'm making him so sad with this. Like he believes I'm not pregnant and I don't believe any of tests or him.
I guess I'm scared becuase I have no idea what I would even do. My family has had a lot of woman who have had babies before getting married. My mom is like proud that I'm the only granddauhter who hasn't. It's the only reason she'sever proud of me.
My periods have been crazy before, and it's always stressed me out. I was actually on the pill for a while to regulate it, but my mom had me taken off it when I started datng my byfriend a year and a half ago. That's how strongly she doesn't want me to have sex. But I don't want to have intercorse yet. My boyfriend has really trong beleifs when it comes to that and oviously I'm not ready anyway. I just don't want to mess everything up and I feel like I am.
I'm trying to relax, but it's so hard. I want my boyfriend to be here, but I'm at away at school and can't get here. I just wish it had neer happened, that I hadn't realized it was wet.

Posts: 13 | From: college | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 37835

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I've got a couple things. First off I do doubt that, "It's the only reason she'sever proud of me." is really a true statement. There have got to be achievements you've made in life that your mom is proud of. Do you want to tell us some of the things that *you* are proud of *yourself* for doing?

Also, whether or not your a minor, your mother has no right to decide what medication you can or can't be on. Are you at a residential college/university? If so, it should be easy for you to obtain low cost contraception from the health center, without your mothers knowledge. While it's best to be honest with family members, it's really none of her business. If it would provide a lot of anxiety relief for you, even if you aren't having intercourse, that is something you can consider.

Now, I'd suggest going to a doctor *anyways* since you are still having irregular periods. Once you've had your period for more than say, four years, it really ought to be regular, and irregularity may be a sign of some underlying health issues that you should get checked out.

Finally, why don't you take a look at this article: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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mookowkarma
Neophyte
Member # 45358

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I guess I'm proud of myself sometimes. I'm proud that I do well in school. I'm proud of some of the things I have written. I'm proud of the recet commitment I've made to start eating healthier foods and exercising. I just get frustrated becuase my mom is so reluctant to give me a compliment. I strt to forget what I feel.
How mch does birth control cost? I feel that it realy would make me feel better.
I've had my period since I was about 10. I'm 19 now. Do you think the cause of the irregular periods is osmething seious??
Thank you somuc for the article; it was helpful [Smile]

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atm1
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Those are some really good things to be proud of, and I bet, deep down, that your mom is proud that you've done those things too, even if she doesn't verbalize it.

How much BC costs depends on the type/brand you decide on and what your university offers. Generally, you can get low cost BC from universities or places like planned parenthood for somewhere around $10-20 a month if you have little income.

I can't really say exactly what the cause is and whether or not it's serious, but it definitely is something to get checked out if your periods have been irregular for nine years. So, I'd suggest making an appointment to get checked out soon.

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mookowkarma
Neophyte
Member # 45358

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Hey again,
I taked to my parents about the period stuff and they agreed I could see a doctor to get everything checked out.
I was actually feelng beter. At least, I was worrying less. But then in my bio class today we were talking about ectopic prenancy ad all this scary stuff, like the show on TLC I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. This stuff woulds still how up on a test taken a month plus after the fact, right? I really wish I coul shake this.

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mookowkarma
Neophyte
Member # 45358

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I feel really alone right now. I'm messing everything up. Can someone help me?
Posts: 13 | From: college | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Television is not real life. Not even when it says it is, I promise. [Smile]

Ectopic pregnancies usually show up as positives on pregnancy tests, but not always. However, a) a doctor can find that out and b) pregnancy does not happen, of any type, through four layers of clothing. It just does not work that way.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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